Early release: Footsteps in the Snow - Chpt 16 (sfw) (Patreon)

After what is somehow two years(!), here's chapter sixteen for those very few of you following Lein and Argis' story from strangers to lovers to heroes to... well... you'll have to find out. 

Content: night terror, PTSD, trauma surrounding the burden of taking on the power and consciousness (to a certain extent) of all the dragons he's killed, comfort, and a new direction for the story...Wordcount: 2864

If you're unfamiliar with Lein and Argis, and you want to catch up on their story, you can read all the previous posts in the Footsteps in the Snow Masterlist on Tumblr. 

Raw, unbridled magicka ripped and clawed at him, talons scoring through the very fabric of his soul from every side, stripping and tearing away at him.

Agony blinded, and it stole his breath and his ability to think. With no concept of how long he’d been trapped beneath the crushing weight of this endless torrent of magic that tore through him, trapped in a timeless void, Lein began to panic. Battered by waves as relentless as the Sea of Ghosts in full storm, he flailed, helpless, and drowned as it raged around him in brilliant, blinding, purple and white flashes.

The Voices of countless Dovah bellowed in his ears until his mind went blank beneath all that stolen power. He had no right to any of it. He was not a true Dovah. He was not a dragon; he was a human. Frail and weak and soft. His body simply couldn’t withstand so much power. His mind frayed at the edges, tearing itself asunder, and he could do nothing but lie there and let it shatter.

He tried to twist away from it but something held him down, pinning him in place like an insect on a display card. Raw acid seemed to slide down his throat and he choked, unable to breathe. He thought vaguely that he might die now, vaporised and eviscerated into nonexistence by the violent power of his Dragonborn blood.

Let it end then.

He let his body go limp;  a drained, discarded soul gem, and nothing more.

A lone voice rose through the cacophony in his mind, distant and vague at first, but growing stronger with each new rumble.

This voice was was different from the voices of the Dovah; gentle but afraid, intense, and… familiar. He tried to reach for it but his mind slipped and poured around it like ink, and it was replaced by the harsh, grinding scrape of a dragon’s voice. This Dovah, instead of Shouting at him, spoke softly in a voice like a distant landslide. Focus. Release this zofaas suleyk — this fearful power — Dovahkiin. Sossedov los mul — the dragonblood is strong in you — wunduniik. But you are in danger of losing yourself to it. Be still. Breathe, Dovahkiin. Follow the voice that leads you home.

He finally managed to gasp some air before another pounding riptide of magic swept through him and left him empty and sick and as weak as a child in the grips of a winter fever.

“Lein, please, come on, come back to me,” that first, gentle voice murmured.

Another low voice spoke like an echo, but Lein couldn’t grasp any of it.

“…never seen it this bad…” that other someone said some time later. “…think he’s going to die?”

“Don’t say that. He’s strong. He’ll come out of it.”

Lein couldn’t work out who they were or what they were talking about. Were they trapped here too then? Wherever this hellish plane of Oblivion this was? Were they suffering? It sounded as though they thought someone was going to die. He tried to draw enough strength to open his eyes again and find out a little more, to see if he could get them away from here, but he couldn’t muster the energy.

The pressure that had been compressing his chest suddenly shifted and something slid behind his head. A hand cradled the weight of his skull and he let himself go slack into it. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, but that contact was like a tether in the maelstrom that threatened to pluck him away to Oblivion-knew-where.

Something fluttered at his forehead, cold and soothing, and he moaned. Was the earth trembling? A dragon? He had to get this gentle creature out of here, he — “Lein, shh, it’s alright. Lie still and breathe, love…”

Love?

He was no one’s love. No one loved him. The Dragonborn was the ‘one they feared’, not the ‘one they loved’.

“I love you, Lein,” came a fierce growl in his ear. “I love you. You’re at your manor house, at Windstad, and you’re having a… a nightmare. Can you hear me?”

He swallowed, the swirling magicka steadying fractionally.

“He’s coming back,” muttered another voice. Val. That was Val’s voice.

“Yeah,” came his housecarl’s soft chuckle, sounding relieved and exhausted in equal measure. “You remember that, huh?”

“Argis,” Lein hissed, his throat raw and his body heavy behind the panic. Oh by the Nine, let him not be trapped there too. “Where…?”

“I’m here, love,” Argis said, stroking the cool, damp cloth across Lein’s forehead again. “I’m right here.”

“ ‘m glad,” he whispered.

The magicka settled, the voices of the vengeful Dovah faded, and Lein felt his sweat-drenched, leaden body go completely slack. He realised where he was, and shame prickled distantly behind the crushing exhaustion.

An uneasy silence filled the room, and Lein finally cracked his eyes open to find the blurry shape of Argis sitting hunched on the bed beside him and a figure — presumably Val — looming over his shoulder, a lantern in one hand. They both looked like ghosts.

“What… happened?” Lein croaked and Argis’ huge shoulders dropped a couple of inches as he let out a harsh exhale. Lein’s own voice sounded foreign in his ears and his blood was thrumming. Gods, he hoped he hadn’t Shouted. The urge to check that the ceiling was still in tact was almost overwhelming, but he could barely keep his eyes focused on Argis right in front of him, let alone start checking the rafters for damage. Besides, it wasn’t snowing inside, so that was probably a good sign.

Argis scrubbed his hand over his ashen face and then looked down at Lein. “You remember your name yet? You back with us?”

He had to think a moment, but he twitched his lips. “Lein,” he slurred. “And you’re my Argis.”

Argis’ scarred lips twisted up into a big, shy grin and he chuckled. “Welcome back, love. You scared the living shit out of me this time.”

“Why?”

Nine, his limbs were like stone.

“Water?” Argis asked instead of answering, and Lein nodded.

He failed to sit up, but Argis took care of that and hoisted him up behind his shoulders before pressing a wooden cup to his lips. Only when Lein was settled again and the room had stopped spinning did Argis look like he was thinking about relaxing properly. Sweat stuck Lein’s white hair to his face and his nightshirt to his chest, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care too much. He was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open. If the dreams would stay away this time, of course.

“You should rest,” Argis said gently.

Val set his hand on Argis’ shoulder and nodded to Lein. “Get some sleep, thane,” he said sadly as he departed.

“What happened?” Lein asked again when Val’s footsteps on the boards had dwindled to silence. He stared at Argis and blinked, feeling a horrible dread in the pit of his stomach at the pallor of the warrior’s cheeks and the way his eyes were still a little too wide.

“You screamed like I’ve never heard anyone scream in my whole life, Lein,” Argis said, and he sounded genuinely rattled. “It was…” he shivered and rubbed his forearms as if goosebumps had prickled over his skin. “I thought you were dying… I —” he shot him a sidelong look and hissed, “You looked like you were having some kind of seizure, but it got worse when Val tried to use healing magic on you. He said there was some kind of interference. What in Oblivion happens to you when you dream like that?”

Lein swallowed and looked away. Screaming certainly explained why his throat felt like he’d swallowed broken glass. “I don’t know,” he rasped. “It’s like… It’s like all the dragons I’ve ever slain are still alive inside my head, in my blood, screaming at me over and over, trying to tear me to pieces from the inside out.” He took a steadying breath, his heartbeat finally slowing down

The room was dark save for the single lantern that Val had left behind on the table, and Argis looked somehow smaller now. Lein had finally, genuinely frightened him. Perhaps Lein would prove too much for Argis to handle in the end? Too much for this salt of the earth warrior Nord, with no magic and no experience beyond the jarlsguard of Markarth. Lein’s chest twisted and his heart clenched painfully.

Lein suddenly tried to reach for him, flailing weakly and half-sitting up in panic as if he thought Argis was going to evaporate before his eyes like a dream, but Argis scowled in concern and shook his head. “Easy. Lie back,” he murmured.

“I know I’m… I’m disgusting right now, but… Argis, can you…? Would you… Would you hold me?” Lein asked, voice cracking. “You don’t have to if you don’t —” but Argis didn’t wait to be asked twice. He curled up under the sticky sheets beside him and drew him close to his chest. Lein still lay on his back, limp and unable to move anyway, but Argis lay on his side and scooped an arm under his neck and beneath his knees and pulled him close, and Lein burrowed against his chest while Argis tugged the covers back over him.

“I’ve never heard anyone scream like that…” Argis said again, words muffled by Lein’s damp, pale hair, kissing him over and over. “Is there no one you can talk to about this? No one who can help you?”

Lein drew in a slow breath. The Dovah’s voice from his dream rippled distantly through his mind and he sighed again. Paarthurnax. He was certain now that he had heard the voice of that grisly old dragon in his dream, and Paarthurnax had told him to follow the voice that led him home. It had been Argis’ voice that he’d followed back to sanity. He chuckled softly, which obviously took his lover off guard.

“Lein?”

“I’m fine,” he croaked. “I just… never mind. Yes, I think there is someone who can possibly help.”

“Who? Someone at the College of Winterhold?”

Lein went still at that, thoughtful. “No,” he said. “I hadn’t even thought of them, but they probably don’t know much. The librarian might know a thing or two from his books, but no, I was thinking of the Greybeards again. I should talk to their leader about it. A lot has happened since I last saw him. We can go via Whiterun, since I need to speak to Jarl Balgruf about trapping a dragon in his hold after all.” He let out another long exhale, body leaden. “No rest for the wicked, hmm?”

“Nor for the good,” Argis said. His muscles bunched gloriously in his arms as he drew Lein somehow even closer, and kissed him before setting him back down to lie along the mattress again instead of in his arms. “Sleep now. I’ve got you.”

“I know,” he slurred as his body went utterly slack.

The next time Lein woke, he was deliciously warm, and the soft, familiar snores of Argis’ in deep sleep rumbled away beside him. He lay there a long time, curled now on his left side with Argis behind him like a perfect shield, and just listened to the sound of his lover’s steady breathing against his neck.

That last night’s terror had been the worst he’d ever endured, and it had been the first time since they’d taken to sharing a bed that his nightmares had surfaced. He’d almost dared to hope that Argis’ presence at night had chased them away, but the notion was childish, and he scoffed aloud at it. The sound nudged Argis from the depths of his sleep and he twitched slightly, tugging Lein’s back flush against his warm chest by the heavy arm slung around his middle.

“Morning,” Lein rasped.

“Mmm,” Argis hummed. Then he tensed a little, and Lein guessed he was recalling the previous night. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Weak,” Lein admitted. “But otherwise alright. Don’t move just yet, mm?”

Argis kissed him and stayed put for another hour or so before nature called and he reluctantly slid out of bed to use the chamber pot in the next door room instead of braving the outhouse at that hour of the morning.

When he returned, he found Lein sitting up in bed and he stalled in the doorway. “Alright?”

Lein nodded. “Stiff, and not in the fun way,” he added. With a heavy sigh, he rolled his neck and said, “I’m going to get up, I think.”

“You want me to run you a bath?” Argis asked, and Lein almost refused on reflex, but when he thought about it for a moment, he bit his lips together and smiled.

“You know what? That sounds wonderful. I’d love that. Thank you.”

With the ends of his hair still dripping, Lein dressed and came back downstairs an hour and a half later, feeling a little more alive, and he found the hall quiet and still.

From outside, he could just make out the clack and ring of training weapons, and as he swiped a fresh, un-iced sweetroll off the cooling rack on the end of the table, he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. Iona stepped from the pantry and offered him a steaming mug of fragrant, black tea without comment. She looked a little pale and worried, and her eyes were far more serious than they had been on her joyous return from Solitude. His stomach twisted when he realised it was worry for him that had curdled all that joy.

“I’m going to be setting off again,” he sighed into the rising steam from the ceramic mug. “I’d hoped to stay for the winter, but it seems… the Nine have other plans for me.”

“Are you taking Argis with you?”

Lein thought about that. Part of him didn’t want to drag Argis into all his Dragonborn madness, but the thought of leaving him behind made something rip and pull in his chest. “If he wants to come,” he said in his rasping tenor. “Will you and Val stay here?”

“If that’s alright with you,” she said.

Lein exhaled softly and the steam coiled away in a wild ribbon like the twisting lights in the winter night sky.

“I would have this place be your home for as long as the two of you wish it, Iona. There’s room to extend it, or build a second home across the clearing if you and Val decide you wish to have a child. You…” he choked a little and swallowed the emotions down at the thought of having another tiny life here in his once-lonely home. “You are all family to me. My mother still lives, over on Solstheim, but other than her, there’s no one else in the world for me.”

Iona’s expression crumpled and she smiled through rising tears, and stepped close to hug him. “We love you, Lein,” she said, stroking his hair with her left hand while cupping his gaunt, scarred face in her right. She dragged her thumb across his cheekbone and renewed her smile. “I know you have a terrible burden laid upon you, but you aren’t alone. We love you and we will be here for you, always. You just make sure you come back to us, alright?”

He set his tea down on the long table, closed his arms around her, and held her. They were almost of a height, and as he stood there hugging his friend in the firelight of the great hearth, the flames danced on the gold of her hair and something inside him loosened just a little. “I’ll do my best,” he promised.

“See that you do,” she said. She drew back, smoothed down her apron, and cocked a grin. “Now, shall we go and watch our loves training in the snow for a while? You’ll need this,” she said, and he turned back to accept the heavy, bearskin coat she held out to him.  It had been waiting for him already, slung over the back of a chair, and he wondered whether it was she or Argis who had pulled it out for him. Either way, the thought warmed him almost as much as the dense fur that enveloped his lean frame.

The two sparring warriors didn’t look up at the sound of the doors opening, though Sol gave a friendly whicker from his loose box. Someone had brushed the snow off the steps to the hall, and Iona laid down a blanket on the top one for she and Lein to sink down onto.

Each huddled in their warm coats, and with Lein cradling his mug of tea, the two sat shoulder to shoulder and called out words of encouragement to their respective lovers like a crowd at their tournament champions, and for another precious few hours, the boundary of his property was the limit of Lein’s entire world.

With the grey dawn the next day, however, his world would have to expand once more.

_

Hope you enjoyed it!! Link to my masterlist of stories is pinned on Patreon and linked here.