Believe Me, I’m Gay E1 | My best friend makes me prove that I'm gay (Patreon)

Everyone is over the age of 18

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It was chewing me up from the inside for a long time. I moved through denial, then anger, then denial again, and now, just maybe…acceptance. 

I'm gay. 

I needed to say it out loud. Not just say it to myself and imagine what people would say back, which never ended well in my imagination. I practiced it a couple times in the mirror, and then I thought about who I could tell first to get it off my chest. Then, of course, I went into an internal debate on whether it’s anybody’s business what I like or don't like. As it did every single time, it came full circle and I needed to tell someone again. 

So I told Kai, the one friend I felt like I could trust. 

“You're not fucking gay,” he said without even looking away from the screen. “Cover me! Fuck!” He slammed the game controller down on the table. “Miles, what the hell?” 

I guess you could say I was in a state of shock. Before saying those words, I was already a mess. Once those words were actually out of me, I felt like my heart was about to give out. 

“Come on, man. I want to finish this mission today.” 

“Did you hear me? I said I think im gay,” I repeat. I think. My stomach twists with those additional words. 

Kai leans back on the couch, and there is a slight pop to his shoulders as he stretches them. He used to be a lot more blond, as did I, but we’ve both faded to a darker colour the last couple years. 

“You're not gay. What about Marika? You were simping over her for a whole year.” 

“Well…” 

“And Amelie?” He rubs his nose. “You ever get with her?” 

“No,” I say. 

“Then you don't know shit, man. Now stop pretending to be a homo and let's game.” 

We got back into the game but the internal storm still raged in my mind. I haven't been with a woman yet, but I also haven't been with a man. So I don't know definitively if I would prefer one or the other. But, if I wasn’t gay, I wouldn’t be having these thoughts at all, right?

“Shit. Fine, I'll humour you.” Kai puts down his controller again, and pushes his hair back, making it spike up messily. “Why do you think you’re gay?” 

“I just think I am,” I reply. 

“Like what? You get wet dreams about sucking dick?” 

“No…maybe? I watch gay porn.” My face heats up again. I don't think I could've revealed that to anyone else but Kai. 

“Everyone watches gay porn sometimes,” he says, and he looks down at his knee. “But at swim practice, you're not turned on right? And that's fucking dong central there.” 

There are indeed quite a few naked men in the change room at the pool. It's not a place that is particularly exciting to me, mostly because I'm just trying to get changed and get out of there as soon as possible. 

“Never seen you pop a boner there.” 

“There's too many people,” I say. I know I was the one who wanted to talk about this subject, but now it feels so awkward. 

“Don't matter. If I was in a change room with a bunch of naked women, I'd be bricked up.” Kai laughs. “You're not gay, Miles. You just haven't gotten any. And you're not gonna with that haircut.” He reaches over and brushes my bangs off my forehead. 

I brush them back in place, and sigh in exasperation. “You watch gay porn too?” 

“Sometimes. Some of the guys are majestic. Good gym motivation.” Kai has been on a whole fitness kick lately. “I don't get hard for them though.” 

“Well, I do.” 

I could see he didn't believe me. I can understand why as well. Especially during the last year, a lot of our conversations have been centered around the women that we like. Honestly, all our guy friends are like that. Kai and I, being particularly good friends, just go further into the details. 

“Have you gone and sucked a dick then?” His blue eyes connect with mine and I look away first. 

“No.”

“Whose dick do you wanna suck?” 

“Nobody’s!” I dodge his hand as he tries to brush my bangs back again. 

“See? Not gay.” 

Who knew that I would need to argue to convince someone I'm not straight? At this point, my heart wasn't beating with nervousness anymore. In its place, there was more of an annoyance that I'm not getting taken seriously. 

“Alright, maybe we should call it a day.” 

“Oh come on, Miles.” He pushes on my shoulder to get me to stay. “Alright.” He turns off the TV screen. “Tell me how you're gay.” 

“I can't just… tell you! It's just how I feel,” I say in frustration. 

“Why don't you get hard at the pool then? Some good looking guys in the showers.” 

“I'm not trying to look at them there,” I say adamantly. Of course, I have looked. I'm too worried about getting caught to look for more than a split second though. 

Kai blinks at me, like he's trying to gauge from my expression if I'm taking the piss. Then, he stands up. 

“What are you doing?” I ask as he pulls from the bottom of his shirt. 

“We're going to find out if you're gay. Science experiment. Take your clothes off.” Kai tosses his shirt aside. I've seen him shirtless a million times before since we swim together, so I’m comfortable enough to do the same. 

“How is this supposed to prove that I’m gay?” I take my shirt off too. 

“If you get hard, you're gay. Take your pants off,” he says with his hands on his hips. 

“What?!”

“I've seen your dick before, Miles. Alright, fine.” With that, Kai pulls his pants and briefs down, stripping down just his socks in front of me. “Your turn.” 

What we're doing is not particularly weird. It's pretty much like being in the change room, except we're in my dorm room. I pull down my pants and underwear off too, and we both look down at my crotch. 

Okay, maybe this is weird?

“See? Soft. Not gay,” he says conclusively. “Unless you think I'm ugly.” 

Kai isn't ugly. The messy hair works for him, and he has a lot more mass to his arms now that he's working out. I've seen him naked before, but now that he's given me permission to look, I notice more details that I didn't in my glances before.

Like the small, brown-blond treasure trail that's forming. I don't recall his ballsack being so loose either. I suppose it is pretty cold at the pool. 

“If I was standing with a naked chick in front of me, I would have a full boner. Even if she was my friend. Especially if she was my friend,” Kai says, looking down at my crotch again. 

Maybe he's right? 

He steps up to me and combs the hair out of my eyes again. Then, he grabs my shoulders and squeezes. “We’ll get you a good haircut, then we'll get you laid. Once you get your dick wet, you'll forget all about thinking that you’re gay. 

The facial hair he's been trying out makes him look a little older, but it suits him. His hands are really warm. Mine are always cold. 

Then, another part of me started to feel warm. 

“Yeah? We’ll go tomorrow to my barber. You'll like him. Now, can we please finish this mission?” He rubs the nape of my neck affectionately. 

Fuck. 

“Sorry,” I whisper to him as my body reacts. I feel my tip graze his skin as it ascends, and the physical contact makes the process accelerate. 

“What the fuck?” Kai lets go of me in a rush, and takes a step back. His eyes dart down to my groin and they widen as they take in the new view. 

“Sorry!” I say again and cover up with both hands. 

“It's alr– I'm going to go.” His eyes are glued to my boner while he reaches for his clothes. “It's fine. It's nothing.” 

Within a minute, Kai had his clothes on and he was out the door before I could think of a way to explain myself.