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Besties Battle Bracket: The most practical vehicle (Patreon)

Published:
2025-10-07 07:01:01
Imported:
2026-06

Downloads

Content

This week, the Besties answer the most important question in video games: which iconic gaming vehicle would help us run our errands? What began as "the best vehicle in video games" devolved into "what will get us through for the grind of everyday living." We are embracing our true middle-aged selves.

Rubric:

The vehicle that would be most useful in day-to-day life

The vehicle that's easiest to maintain

The vehicle that most reads "this guy fucks"

The Contenders...

Warthog (Halo)

Sparrow (Destiny)

Rocket Belt (Pilotwings)

Rocket Pack (Dark Void)

Samus's Aran's ship (Metroid)

Mako (Mass Effect)

Tram (Half-Life)

Battlebus (Fortnite)

Arwing (Starfox)

Regalia (FF15)

Atlas Submarine (Subnautica)

Balloons (Balloon Fight)

S.O.P.H.I.A. (Blaster Master)

Sweet Tooth’s Ice Cream Truck (Twisted Metal)

The Crazy Taxi (Crazy Taxi)

Banshee (GTA)

Files

Comments

Sam Milne

This episode is so deranged. It's great.

Shannequin

I really needed this today. Also, best vehicle: Rocket League twuck?😆

Shelby Fawn

I have to comment, I simply cannot wait I finish the episode. Samus’ ship is the least practical VEHICLE because Griffin’s argument is keeping it as a healing machine in the basement and Russ’ argument is displaying it on the lawn. THOSE AREN’T A MEANS OF CONVEYANCE. JUSTICE FOR JUSTIN. 😂 love you loons and love these episodes.

Joe-Joe Louis

Gotta be Banjo. Havent listened yet, but I'm quite sure.

Kel White

justin is absolutely right about the bug person risk because samus isn’t a baseline human! she’s got alien bird dna and I absolutely do not think the ship would know what to do with a normal guy

ThanaThots

This episode needs to be renamed to “Best Video Game Vehicle to Take Your Kids to School In” Edit: this is the second time I’ve made a comment half way through the episode only for Chris to make the same joke in the second half. When will I learn?

Jade

Personally withering for me as a big Star Fox fan that the Arwing got reduced to "it's just a bunch of pointy polygons" and the Balloons from Balloon Fight made final five >.>

Chase!

History will remember and vindicate Justin about the Mako.

Bryduck

This is the most contentious besties episode since New York Giraffe picked the game of the year

Dan Brown

Gonna need some "Altruism Fucks!" merch please and thank you

Victor Hart

Coming in here to say I'm 99% certain Griffin is completely wrong about Samus' ship. I don't think it heals her, I'm pretty sure it repairs her suit. Also people hated the Mako because the controls sucked, but objectively it's a six wheeled car that can drive in low gravity. That is more useful day to day than what is just a single seater space ship.

Richard Snyder

But where do we rank a big beautiful Buick Enclave?

Tanuki Logician

Just wanted to point out that Justin dismissively says "Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah" at 1:23:02 the exact same number of times that Bryan Holland says it in the beginning of "All I Want" by The Offspring, obviously from the Crazy Taxi soundtrack, and everyone just passed it by. Just wanted to register that.

VioLynnce

I love the fact a modded Subnautica vehicle snuck into the bracket from a likely googling of "Big subnautica submarine". In case anyone else who played through Subnautica heard Juice describe the submarine and felt like they were losing their memories and/or noticed the sub was submitted as the Atlas, the Atlas submarine is a massive modded in sub that practicality dwarfs the size of the base Subnautica submarine, the Cyclops. Edit: Far from a complaint, just find it funny as it didn't seem to play into it's placement in the bracket.

Jimmers

From Best Toilet Game to four dads arguing about how their morning drop off commutes would be ruined by various heights/hardpoints, these brackets are heating up

Zachary Martel

How in the world did Delamain from Cyberpunk not make this list? The discussion for that one would have been amazing.

Justine Mann

fuck man this is the most autistic episode you all have ever done (i’m autistic)

Russell

**picks my kids up from school in the Obra Dinn**

Patrick Young

Justice for the Mako (they fixed it in the remaster)

sayteehee

This was perfectly unhinged. Keep making these bracket eps weirder and weirder!

Ben Kennedy

great episode. was missing The Last Stag from Hollow Knight though

Jeff Good

Justin is right about the Mako. The problem wasn't the vehicle it was the terrain you had to drive it on (Also spot on about rolling up in it)

Theresa

The best thing about the Mako is that when you inevitably flip the whole thing over your entire team doesn't fall out of the car, an advantage that the Warthog cannot claim.

Little Mel

Shout out to The Besties, who are dads of Gen Alpha, for not replying to Justin saying, "I'm looking at 6...7..." with "Six Seeeeeven."

Travis

I'm just here to say one of these cars fucks and only one of them is from, "blaster master". I'll allow the reader to do the rest.

NolanForMayor

Just had to say that for the Mako v. Samus's Ship, one of them has a driver that very canonically fucks. Justice for the Mako.

MisterCommodore

I can’t believe we got the comment “How do you even fix a polygon?” from Russ in this episode without any further riffs

Melissa O'Neil

I love that being a tie breaker vs being a third equal criteria doesn’t matter cause it’s 2/3 wins either way

Beffy

This is the funniest episode of besties so far. I listen in the shower, and the heat combined with me laughing my absolute ass off about "Chester comes out turgid" almost made me pass out. I had to put myself in the floor of the tub

Laser Toaster

Was sad not to see the car from Pacific Drive in this list, I loved that thing.