Chapter 32: Being Paraded Through the Streets as a Rock?! (Patreon)

Chapter Thirty-Two

Being Paraded Through the Streets as a Rock?!

It turned out Alice the Grudgeheart was not quite as mobile as Alice the Grudge Stone.

Curse Spread: Ivor Black

Severity: Powerful

Received experience!

Received cursed energy!

Curse Spread: Daan Puck

Severity: Powerful

Received experience!

Received cursed energy!

Both Tall One and Short One ended up cursed as the hired muscle arrived to help Kuonrat transport the stone sapling Alice had become. Two quick blessings earned her several oooohs and ahhhs from the shifty-looking men. Without their hoods, Tall One and Short One looked uncomfortably a lot like the sort of thugs that had hung around Dale at the brothel.

But I'm learning! Alice thought to herself as she oversaw the construction project that was her removal from the cavern. People I [Bless] don't seem to get re-cursed. I mean, I kind of already knew that from Urd, but this just proves it!

She was not sure how long that curse protection lasted, however, but with eleven days on the Death Clock, the mystery was not at the top of her priorities to explore.

A small wooden platform had been brought down the tunnel and into the cavern. None of Alice's cultists seemed willing to simply drag Alice the Statue across the cavern floor like an overlarge piece of furniture.

"On three then," Ivor the Tall One said.

"On three," Daan the Short One repeated.

Alice would have thought the two men brothers if not for their different names and starkly different heights. Their faces shared the same crude ugliness, a particularly repulsive mien as both wore expressions of mingled horror and exhaustion.

"Three!" Ivor said, and with terror written clear across his face, he lifted one of Alice the Rock's stalagmite arms.

"C-Careful!" Alice shouted as her stone sapling of a body tipped precariously towards Daan, who clearly had been waiting for one and two.

"Be careful!" Urd shouted, the unnamed ratbaby squealing its own displeasure as the pair watched on.

Daan huffed and pushed before Alice the Rock could topple sideways. With nervous sweat pouring down both their faces, the thugs were able to shift Alice the Rock onto the wooden platform with both of her stalagmite arms still intact.

"Good, good," Kuonrat said, looking just as exhausted as the pair of them. Resting in his arms was FOT's inert body. The Priest carried her like a princess, though no princess Alice had ever seen.

Behind them all stood Eber the Doorkeeper. The old man licked his lips nervously as he stared at the wooden platform. He, like everyone else, clearly did not relish what came next.

Alice had thought getting Alice the Rock down the tunnel would have been the hardest part, but the three men, with Urd's encouragement, were able to lift the wooden platform onto their shoulders and balance Alice the Rock all the way to the ladder at the end of the tunnel.

Alice should have seen the problem immediately, but it was not until Ivor, Daan, and Eber gently lowered Alice the Rock back onto the ground that she realized the next hurdle.

"Gonna need to tear out the floor," Ivor said, looking at the narrow hole that led from the wine cellar to the tunnel.

I shouldn't have evolved in that damn cavern! Alice thought bitterly as Eber disappeared up the ladder. She was able to watch the man for part of the way, but then he slipped out of [God Sense]'s range.

The doorkeeper returned quickly with several sharp-looking axes, which raised several questions Alice did not want answered. It was not as if there were forests down the street or piles of chopped firewood scattered around the house.

Alice marked the passing hours with each notification of cursed energy gained. As she waited and the others sweated, Alice's thoughts turned dimly to one of FOT's assignments, but...

Guidance: An Unexpected Ally?!

Instruction: Release enough cursed energy into the town of Waterhold within (11) days.

Progress: 7%

Reward: Maybe you won't die >:D

Now's not the time for that, Alice thought to herself. She kept her cursed energy decidedly below max by spamming several [Serpent's Whispers] at Ivor and Daan, encouraging them to work harder. I don't want anything unfortunate to happen. At least not now.

Unfortunately, the two men were not free from misfortune.

"Gah!"

The floor had been torn out, and the task of moving Alice up through the air and into the wine cellar had begun with great trepidation.

It ended rather quickly, however, as Alice stabbed Ivor in the eye with one of her stalagmite arms. The thuggish cultist's shock and pain almost had Alice topple over and crash, but Eber the Doorkeeper was able to grab hold of Alice the Rock before she shattered against the tunnel floor.

The worst part was not accidentally stabbing Ivor. Nor was it the troublesome notification that appeared as Ivor dribbled blood over Alice the Rock as a trembling hand covered his wounded eye.

Acquired Blood: Human Thief (common)

No, the worst was the look of radiant delight across Ivor's wounded face as he realized his blood had been licked clean. The worst was the horrible look of jealousy that spread across Daan's face when he realized it was not his blood Alice had consumed.

These people are all insane! Alice thought to herself once she was finally hefted out of the upstairs kitchen. The four men had been debating whether to hack down the walls to make more room for Alice's passage, but enough was enough. Alice gave them the temporary honor of simply carrying her vessel through the house as one would an overlarge sofa.

It came as an immense relief when Alice the Rock was carried out through the front door and taken outside. Alice could not feel the sun, but it was heavenly to be out of that dank cavern. She had spent three years at the bottom of a pond, and she had no intention of returning to such solitude. Alice would not hide from the world anymore.

She would defy it!

Ivor had a cart and mule prepared on the muddy street outside. Alice the Rock was lifted effortlessly onto its back, with Kuonrat draping FOT's inert body beside her rocky toes.

Alice studied her four cultists.

Kuonrat the [Priest].

Ivor and Daan the [Thieves].

Urd the Fate-scorned.

And then there was Alice the Rock, of course, a totem of demonic malice in the back of the cart.

The ratbaby they had left with Eber at the house. The doorkeeper had taken the child only reluctantly, even with several [Serpent's Whispers] as encouragement. It would have been simply too much, Alice realized, to have brought the squealing lump with them to the abbey. They were already doubtless to draw attention even if they tried their best to lay low.

And a sudden thought tickled Alice's rock head.

Good! We should draw attention to ourselves!

FOT's words bounced around her rock head once more. Because Alice was a god. There was no deceit. There was no trick. Alice was a divine, and gods did not hide themselves behind veils. Gods did not slink in the dark, hoping to go unnoticed.

"Urd, we need..." Alice struggled with the thought as her pint-sized priestess waited eagerly for Her Divine Decree. "I am God of Waterhold. We need... something. This needs to be, like, a procession!"

Urd's excitement melted away as she furrowed her brow.

"I don't..." The child bit her lip in evident confusion. "I don't understand, God."

Kuonrat and the others perked up at that. They turned excitedly towards Urd, clearly eager to hear what their Dark God had decreed.

"Urd, it wouldn't be appropriate for the God of Waterhold to just... just roll through town on the back of a cart," Alice said, trying to figure out how best to explain her newfound vanity. "We need to make it special!"

Urd nodded uncertainly and conveyed Alice's words to Kuonrat and the others. Their excitement vanished at the thought of drawing any more attention to themselves, however. Alice could see the barely restrained fear that must have carried with them all the years of their quiet and secret worship.

But I'm their god! Alice thought with a flash of annoyance. They should be jumping up and down with joy!

"You want all of Waterhold to celebrate my return!" Alice whispered, planting the desire in each of the three frowning faces. "God will keep you safe, so you don't have to be afraid anymore!"

She wondered how she had ever gotten along without spamming the mind-altering skill as the worried expressions softened into those of anxious excitement.

"I gots an idea," Daan said, tugging on Ivor's arm. 

The two men disappeared down an dank alley only to return shortly after with a leather bag wedged under Daan's arm.

"Flower petals," Ivor said with a crooked smile as Daan held up the bag. "Old Boot has a stall nearby."

Alice could not help but remember that Ivor's blood had been that of a [Thief]. Somehow she knew neither man had paid honest coin for the bag of flowers petals. But still...

"Very good!" Alice said, pushing aside her worry. She was a god, after all. A bag of flowers was more than she deserved. "Urd, tel them to sprinkle flowers before the cart as we make our way to the abbey."

"Gonna feel awful funny doing that," Ivor said to Daan as the Divine Decree was shared.

Alice could not help but agree, and her thoughts turned to her pint-sized priestess who, despite her previous excitement, seemed to be slowly shrinking as the adults around her took charge.

"Urd, you will lead the way," Alice said.

The Girl blinked in confusion. She did not repeat Alice's Divine Decree, but rather stared open-mouthed at Alice the Rock.

"M-Me...?" Urd said, and the others turned towards her, eager to hear more of their God's Wisdom.

"In the Church of the Merry Weather, all are equal," Alice said, feeling the words were the correct ones. If she was god, she wanted to put an end to all the sneers and hate that seemed to follow Urd like a storm cloud. "You will lead the procession."

And so it was that the cart began to roll across the uneven road towards the distant abbey.

Urd's eyes were opened so wide Alice worried they might fall out. She sprinkled bits of crushed flower from the bag Ivor had handed her, hardly even seeming to see where the colorful dust fell.

On either side of the cart stood the grim-faced [Thieves]. Ivor and Daan glowered at any and all as the morbid procession passed. Alice could not help but think of the twins then, the would-be bodyguards of her street urchin cult. She wondered where Iver and Axel were now.

The streets by the cult's hideout had been sparsely traveled, and none who saw the procession cared to see more. But as they made their way onto a cobbled road, more and more bodies filled the way. The curious eyes of merchantmen, of street urchins, of mothers with babes on their backs and large bundles in their arms followed the cart as it rolled past. All the different slices of Waterhold stopped and gawked at Urd tossing her petals and the black-robed Kuonrat towering beside her.

"Tell them to follow us!" Alice planted the whispered desire in Kuonrat's head with a sudden spark of inspiration. "You'll introduce them all to their old god at the abbey!"

A flash of uncertainty passed over Kuonrat's face, but then he turned to Alice the Rock. Whatever he saw seemed to fill him with fresh zeal, for he looked at the crowd of onlookers and began to shout.

"COME ALL, YE UNWORTHY MANY!" Kuonrat boomed as the cart rolled through a square made cramped with merchant stalls. A frightened uncertainty still clung to Kuonrat's face, but as he spoke, some of that doubt seemed to chip away. "Gather round and hear the blessed news!"

"What's that crazy Priest up to?" Alice heard one pair mutter as the cart rolled past.

"Someone's been at the booze again," another pair chortled as they turned back to a discussion over the price of carrots.

"Mama, has the Priest gone insane?" a child asked their mother, tugging at her dress.

"Don't look at him, honey," the mother said in answer.

More and fouler dark words were uttered all around them, none missed by Alice's [God Sense]. Nobody seemed the least bit befuddled by Alice the Rock. It suddenly occurred to Alice that her street urchin believers had reacted with horror when that drunk Priest had first appeared. She had assumed that was the unreliable babble of a child, but it did not seem as though Waterhold held Kuonrat in much esteem.

I suppose he does look like an unwashed bum, Alice thought to herself, biting her nonexistent lip. She suddenly felt a lot less confident about having the world follow them to the abbey.

But there was no turning back now. A veritable tide of humanity followed after the cart. As the numbers swelled from ten to twenty, Ivor and Daan began to look paler and paler, their thuggish expressions becoming stony and afraid.

The abbey eventually appeared in the distance. A crowd of at least fifty men, women, children, and even some livestock followed the cart and Kuonrat's shouts.

The clamor of the crowd seemed to draw Ana the Acolyte from the abbey. She was just as Alice had seen her last, a pudgey woman with a good-natured face.

"What... What is this?!" the Acolyte blustered as Kuonrat stopped before the wide abbey doors. Somehow Alice knew the muttering crowd behind them was more than had ever set foot inside the abbey for a morning service.

"GET INSIDE AND SIT, YOU UNWORTHY MANY!" Kuonrat barked, turning to the crowd. "The truth awaits within! The God of Waterhold has returned!" 

I'm starting to think it won't be quite so easy to reach a hundred believers. Who would have thought people wouldn't respect a [Priest] who doesn't wash themselves?!

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