Let’s Go Lesbians, Oh No Lesbians (Patreon)

They're really good friends.

Present day Jude and Savannah are best friends (with benefits), and have been so for years. But before that, they were, uh….married. Briefly. Very, very briefly.

Jude and Sav meet in their youth, at community college. Clicking near-instantly over a love of roller skating and classic rock, Savannah promptly, awkwardly asks Jude out, owed in no small part to Jude being the first other open lesbian her age Sav had ever met. As the saying goes, when opportunity knocks, it’s best to let the wolf knock you up.

Both find casual dating to be pretty fun and easy, and it’s more than obvious they’ve got rather intense physical chemistry brewing. That said, Savannah wasn’t raised to be some floozy! Her foster home caretaker spoke odes to the importance of purity growing up, insisting that giving away the priceless flower of virginity before marriage could only end in heartache and complete moral decay. Savannah was to remain patient and untouched for her darling future husband! Sav brings this up to Jude one night when they’re getting just a little too frisky on Jude’s couch, and Jude, not really missing a beat, says k, I can be your husband.

Dear readers, I haven’t touched on this much, but Jude….has a lot in common with Sunny, to put it nicely. In that she’s kinda stupid. Jude promptly proposed with her tail-a-wagging to a girl she’d known for less than three months.  If they get married, then they can smash, right? Problem solved! 😃

Savannah, fond and exasperated by Jude’s earnest nature, says yes. A drunken Vegas wedding immediately follows. As does a glorious, glorious honeymoon. But we know what they say after the honeymoon period ends…

Jude and Savannah’s marital bliss lasts about two weeks, as they quickly discover that for all their shared kinks, they are DEEPLY emotionally incompatible. Savannah, as described by Jude, was "just a little bit mean", while Savannah would describe sensitive Jude as a "huge bitch baby". Jude wanted a lover who was soft, sweet, and infinitely loving. Savannah, however, is rather prickly on a good day. She's often irritable, impatient, and doesn't always think before speaking. While Virgil has always enjoyed his sister's mean-spirited sense of humor, Jude..…does not. Furthermore, Savannah, still coping with her rough and lonely childhood, struggled eternally to be open or affectionate or even all that patient with her wife, more and more frequently finding Jude’s dog-like affections to be suffocating. Savannah begins to push Jude away and invent reasons to avoid her. When they are together, they bicker endlessly. The final straw was when Savannah wanted to clear out Jude's collection of Woodland Whimsy dolls ("What are you, six??") to set up her gaming computer- Jude finally hits her limit, and the marriage was annulled.

The end of the marriage brings a shocking sense of relief and freedom. Without the pressure to be good and caring spouses, the two can instead be good and caring friends. Friends that bang. A lot. Over the years, sometimes Jude and/or Savannah sees the other in the right lighting, gets a little moony-eyed, and thinks to give dating another shot, but it never lasts more than a few weeks, always inevitably devolving between growly squabbling between two strong-willed predators. They’ve got a real Goku (Jude) and Vegeta (Savannah) thing going on. All of their friends are over the drama at this point and agree, they pair just works best as friends.

That doesn't mean they don't have the occasional friendly, romantic moment, though.