“River City Connections" for 2025-10-23 (Patreon)

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WHO HAVE I BECOME? by Cindi Curtis

I am still processing last night. Your comments and encouragement have been amazing!

As I think back on the moment I decided to go to the greenhouse instead of retreating into my safe corner, I am amazed. I can still feel the cool floor on my bare feet as I walked across the kitchen tile and into the greenhouse. The chill of the air jolted me.

Eventually, my thoughts and my feelings aligned. And I stood there having done something so unlike me as to leave me questioning… everything.

When I first moved into my house, the aloneness made me feel both safe and afraid. I have no idea how many nights I spent in my safe corner. I would review each day with my (seldom) mentioned therapist, whom I saw weekly at that time, and gradually, I spent more nights in my bed than in the corner.

With the passing of time, my routine took the place of counseling sessions. My appointments became periodic check-ins. I had adapted and was content. The safe corner was the refuge when things went wrong, not the norm.

And as the seasons passed, the sessions with the therapist became less and less frequent. Then they became as-needed check-ins. She’d ask if I was still at ease and satisfied with things. I’d say yes.

I called her this morning, and she worked me in. I told her all about… everything. About returning to social media. About Michael. About World of Warcraft. About Memphis and Jordan. I said work hadn’t changed much, but now it seemed mundane, not challenging. And I told her about last night and the greenhouse.

Then I asked, “Who have I become? Who is that girl that turned away from the safe corner and walked into the glass room, open to the world?”

If you have ever talked to a counselor you might guess her reply. “Who do you think she is?”

She asked about 1,000 questions about the months since February when I started, then she got back to last night. “So, who do you think she is?”

Finally, I answered. “A girl on her way to becoming the me I want to be.”

Be your best you!

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