River City Connections — 2025-11-26 (Patreon)

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WHY WAS I AFRAID? by Cindi Curtis

Michael and I are in the dining room. Per her habits, mom has the table already set for tomorrow! And, it’s a good thing film is a thing of the past! Otherwise, she’d have to take out a second mortgage to pay for the film and developing for the bazillion pictures she’s forced us to pose for!

I am, as I said recently, twenty-six. I have absolutely no memories of ever being as happy as I am now. And, indeed, I know a definition of happiness…

When outcomes exceed expectations… that makes us happy.

And I know it is different from contentment. Two things on that!

One, as happy as I am, I am now… now that I’ve felt so good… I am pretty much discontent. This time with Michael is amazing. I don’t want it to end. I am not… content… with the idea that he’ll go back to Memphis and I’ll be back in Woodland Park.

Yes, I cried about this last night.

Secondly, I am angry. Angry at the part of me that let anxiety almost suffocate me into life as a recluse. Angry that I was afraid of… everything. Irrational anxiety beat me down.

I’m proud of where I have come this year. I am delighted to have Michael in my life and to be part of his.

I am… thankful. Thankful to him for walking with me. Thankful to you for all your kind words, all your support. All your encouragement.

All of your advice and assurances that THIS… this would be a good thing.

You were right. You were more right than, perhaps, you ever knew!

Michael’s flight is booked for Sunday. Until then, I’ll live in blissful happiness and… I will embrace my discontent and see what it leads me to do next.

Be your best you!

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