Ailana’s Diary — 2025-12-02 (Patreon)

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GOOD MORNING

Well, my friends, I am up. I am moving. I have a lot to do today, but my mind is still spun up by my conversation with Dad yesterday.

If you saw me with Dad at Denny’s and didn't read the post, then you may not know what I’m talking about. It’s too much to repeat here, so maybe just go read it.

In short, he said I needed to stop thinking about marriage and family through the lens of how I saw my mother treat him and me until she ditched us when I was in 6th grade. He challenged how things are between Jason and me.

When I said everything was okay, he said, “Is ‘okay’ good enough? For how long?”

It was a long, difficult, honest, and love-driven conversation. Dad wants nothing but what’s best for me. He gave up his own life goals so he could keep a roof over my head and food in the fridge.

But what he said was hard, and I’ll not deny that I’m still processing it. Still reeling, to be honest.

So, I’m staying in. Trying to work. Trying to not let my thoughts distract me, yet also trying to not shove them so far to the side that I forget what we talked about.

The weather is going to be rainy and cloudy again all day. Jason, Sasha, and Clay are driving up to Corpus Christi today to see a man who’s selling some drones and camera gear.

So, I am going to lock in and get some work done. And maybe… just maybe… my thoughts will be less cloudy than the weather.

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LOCKED IN

Midday has come, and I’ve made a lot of progress on the things I get paid to do. Less so on clearing up my spinning thoughts.

I’m going to keep this short.

Jason called. The camera gear was pretty old but he picked up a few light stands, tripods, and other gear. No lenses or cameras. Clay bought a drone.

The man also had tickets to Scarlet Lady Dolphin Adventures that he offered as a thank you. The gear seller said he knew one of the captains… To make a long story short, Jason is going to take some pictures and… and write an article about the captain and the company.

“Ailana, can you be part of this? Can you help me with the writing?”

“Of course!” That was the best feeling in the last 25 hours. “How about you knock out a first draft, and we take it from there?”

So, Jason and I are partnering… to write an article.

Partnering… and my head goes right back to spinning.

The tour is this afternoon, so they won’t be back until after my goodnight post.

Honestly, I’m okay with that. As much as I want to be cheerful and upbeat, I’m still licking the wounds my mother left me with, wounds I guess I didn’t even know were still there. Whatever…

I’ll be back with a good night post, so see you then!

GOOD NIGHT

The rain stopped. The temps dropped. But, I had to get out of the condo.

It’s cloudy, damp, and windy. Temps in the low 60°Fs. Not bad compared to places up north!

Yesterday, I told Dad that I’d make sure Jason knows that our relationship can keep moving forward. I told Dad I’d let Jason know the door wasn’t locked.

I’m still processing what I think about marriage compared to the feelings I have as a result of watching how my mother treated Dad and me.

Here’s how I think I can explain it. You see someone eat shellfish and have a bad allergic reaction. You lived through seeing that. You’ve never eaten shellfish. Do you want to? Can you forget what you lived through and just pop an oyster into your mouth?

That makes sense to me. Hope it helps you see where I am on all this.

Tomorrow is another day. More clouds and a few showers in South Padre Island. But, fewer clouds in my brain.

May you see your way to clear skies and a bright future.

Good night.

Be your best you!

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