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Shelf Not Found (a dumb autobio comic) (Patreon)

Published:
2021-01-26 00:51:19
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

I'm really bad at making "just a short little comic" and this became monstrously long, so I'm imbedding it here instead of up top! Hope it works:

Does anyone else have such vivid dreams that if one little thing IRL doesn't add up, you begin to question if it's really IRL? This happens to me all the time.

Also does anyone skip installing the anchors because aahhh I hate installing anchors, I'm real bad at this. 

I didn't share the photos of the wreckage publicly because it makes this poor babe look like a bad cat!! He's not bad! A 6-pound kitten shouldn't have taken out a whole shelf. User error. My bad.

I mean just look at how I found him.

Just one paw holding him up inside the hollow part of the couch. He stayed up there for 12 hours. Surrounded by spools of thread and he didn't even get to enjoy it.

I'm still searching for a good name for this kit! Right now I mostly call him "lil guy" or "buddy," but I also call Pip both of those ("lil guy" facetiously, because Pip is a whoppin 16 pounds). 

My $5 patrons will get a post about that in a minute. The heck do you properly name a cat??

Files

Comments

KM

In my experience, cats tend to earn their names over time... Or in our one odd case, the shelter gave him a name and we couldn't think of anything better.

Maggie Brown-Bury

My latest kitten was adopted to be friends with my dog, who loves cat but my 2 existing cats hated her. Since my dog is named Princess Buttercup, we named the kitten Westley to encourage a positive relationship. They get along swimmingly, so it seemed to have worked ;)

Meisterj

Oh damn, I'm glad he's not hurt. So far because he likes hiding, or performing a disappearing act (specifically) I thought Houdini but his personality could change at he gets more comfortable around you and Pip

dcorsetto

ME TOO, geez I forgot to even include that!! He was terrified, but not a scratch on him as far as I can tell. I also forgot to mention that this was a few days after I adopted him, and since then he's been impossible to lose! He's always either in the studio with me and Pip, or he and Pip are tearing through the house together. There's no cuddling (New Cat *wants* there to be cuddling), but they're amazing to watch in the mornings when they're getting out all their energy. :)

Crushbot (security*)

I usually find that cat names come with time or reflect some sort of aspect of the cat; for instance, I have a new outside cat that showed up in my backyard. He is gray on top and white on the bottom, but on his front paw, he has a little patch of gray on his toe, so I named him Ringo, because it looks like he has a ring on his little finger.

Andy Ihnatko

The dream thing: TOTALLY. I've even had dreams where after I realized that I was dreaming, I just absolutely refused to keep participating because the storyline my brain was clearly setting up was just mean and manipulative.

Drazi

Poor kitten!

dcorsetto

Good dream Andy! Set those dream boundaries!

dcorsetto

Might I suggest A Terrible Human's Pet as an alternative.

Sean Laverty

"Heck". You just named him. ^_^

Gregory Cotton

I'm one of those people who don't trust sheetrock anchors except for very light stuff. Everything else get screws directly into the studs. My younger cat scales a three tier shelf all the way to the ceiling in the office and wants to go through the cast iron register to the attic.

Katrina Urmson

So. He climbs. Hollow spots in sofas and (questionably) installed shelves. John Muir climbed. Muir sounds like a sound a cat would make in inquiry so... Muir?

dcorsetto

My walls are 240-year-old plaster, so I feel generally the same way about anchors... but I also just tend to hang lightweight stuff with long wood screws and hope for the best! Bless your ambitious kitty, may he make it as far up as felinely possible.

Hugh Eckert

With our recent ones, we just compiled a list of names ahead of time and went down it until we found ones that fit.

NJGR

Oh, poor baby! Tipper. He stands on his tiptoes after he tips things over. 😢

Minzoku Bokumetsu

Friend's cat was Hercules (paired with Xena!) until he did exactly this kind of thing, then he became Hellcat =p

Jessica Bernard

Woah, my tablet app did NOT like this post. It kept crashing. I was able to view it just fine on my phone app, and in the browser on my tablet. So strange. That poor baby, scared himself so bad! It seems most people have two schools of thought on naming pets in general. Either you wait for their little personalities to give you inspiration OR you already have a name that you like, and whoever comes along just gets it.

Iitu Ducin

Oh poor baby! Coincidentally, we had a shelf full of DIY tools crash down yesterday, and I was SO happy both cats were outdoors at the time, they would've cowered under the sofa for hours as well. I'm partial to Chicken (Chick, Chickster, Chickups), of the names you've listed.

Margaret Lutz

We thought about the name for our cat *a lot.* She was a small black scrap with a lot of energy and violence (mostly for toys partly for fingers) when we got her. She is now a larger (3.5 kg) black scrap. We named her Arya Nyx because we were trying to find something badass and also portraying the darkness and murder potential. (We mostly call her "kitten" or "little" or sometimes "stinky butt" and "shit head")

Sabine Dem

I have the same dreams about doing my final exams (called Matura in Austria) again and again and nobody believes me that I've passed them years ago. About waking up because of noises in the dark, that's completely normal with young cats. In our case it was a loudspeaker of our stereo, which came down one night from the top of a bookshelf. Luckily, the cat got away unharmed, except for her dignity. :-)

Sheri Spangenberg

I think my black cat Echo was the hardest one to name, because a lot of black came names were too obvious for us haha. But she kept making this high pitched noise like the air being let out of a balloon, and she was all spindly with huge ears, looked like a bat. So husband suggested Echo because she screamed like a bat doing echolocation. I also like kind of random names for cats. I know you already had a Smudge, that's one of my favorites. Smidgeon? He keeps hiding, and you just get glimpses, maybe Wisp? like Will o' wisp. Or Lurk. Also I get the school dreams all the time even though I'm pushing 40. It's unfair. Usually it's not SATs it's more like I suddenly remember i signed up for classes but lost my schedule or forgot to go and suddenly have to try to find the classroom and figure out how to make up all the assignments, and exams are soon, and I try to figure out how how I'm going to explain to the teacher why I wasn't there.

Theadora

For me, it's almost universal that as soon as I realize "this doesn't make sense" and start to decide it's a dream, I wake up. :-P And I can tell when I'm really awake, because my emotions don't usually carry over from one dream to another, but if I wake up feeling like I did "the last time", I'm really awake (and usually grumpy). I hope the sewing supplies were still usable. And I don't trust screws without hitting something solid. Good luck!

Ruth Merriam

Is there anything quite like being awakened by something crashing in the night? There are special wall anchors made for plaster walls. Why did you have bowls with your sewing stuff? I'm looking at that floor register and thinking about how you're going to have to vacuum up the shards of broken dishware from in there. We spent a lot of time thinking up names for our current guys but we knew we'd be going with something anime-based. My cats have always had "people" names, so that made it easier. We got brothers, but they don't look anything alike. We had more than a week between our original meeting and when we got to bring them home so we had time to mull over the names, and would have changed them if the boys didn't like them. We still think that naming them Chaos and Mayhem would have been apt. In addition to all the other things that have been knocked down/over and the places they get into that they shouldn't, they've managed to destroy 6 charging/power cables and have chewed on countless other electrical lines. I'm in the process of covering every damn electrical cable in the house and spraying them with bitter apple spray. I suggest Matrix as a name, like a dot matrix printer.

Ben Hatke

I really loved this.

dcorsetto

That is SUPER helpful, thank you Jessica! It's a huge file, I think next time I do a long one like this I'll break it up into smaller sections.

dcorsetto

Ooh Echo is such a lovely name for a cat! Hehe I like Wisp & Lurk. Years ago, when I was taking photography gigs, my test dream changed to being at a wedding reception having fun with friends, then noticing a camera around my neck and realizing I was the photographer and haven't taken ANY photos. That later changed to teaching college classes and having nothing planned and NO control over a bunch of over-18 young adults who paid for the class and didn't give a fuck what the teacher said to them. That one still plagues me.

dcorsetto

Oohh interesting concept, that your emotions don't carry over. Every sewing supply was (unraveled, but) perfectly alright, thank you. :)

dcorsetto (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-18 23:00 How am I just now hearing about special anchors for plaster?!?! Thank you, I'll look for those! The bowls were for food & water (they didn't break, but the shelf actually fell into the water bowl, so there was water everywhere because of COURSE there was). Oh my lord, Chaos and Mayhem sound like they keep you on your toes. I'm grateful this guy seems to have no interest in cables, but he LOVES eating my (non-toxic) plants. They got a break from Ellie when she died, but her plant-loving spirit has returned in the shape of a black kitten.
2021-01-26 17:20 How am I just now hearing about special anchors for plaster?!?! Thank you, I'll look for those! The bowls were for food & water (they didn't break, but the shelf actually fell into the water bowl, so there was water everywhere because of COURSE there was). Oh my lord, Chaos and Mayhem sound like they keep you on your toes. I'm grateful this guy seems to have no interest in cables, but he LOVES eating my (non-toxic) plants. They got a break from Ellie when she died, but her plant-loving spirit has returned in the shape of a black kitten.

How am I just now hearing about special anchors for plaster?!?! Thank you, I'll look for those! The bowls were for food & water (they didn't break, but the shelf actually fell into the water bowl, so there was water everywhere because of COURSE there was). Oh my lord, Chaos and Mayhem sound like they keep you on your toes. I'm grateful this guy seems to have no interest in cables, but he LOVES eating my (non-toxic) plants. They got a break from Ellie when she died, but her plant-loving spirit has returned in the shape of a black kitten.

dcorsetto

I failed to mention that this happened before sunup, and the silver lining was that I got to watch a majestic pink-purple-red sunrise while I spent two hours cleaning up the mess. :)

Hawkstone Draws

Now that he’s destroyed a sewing shelf his name is Bobbin.

dcorsetto

Funny enough, my friend Dan's daughter suggested Bobbin this morning and I'm leaning toward it!

Sheri Spangenberg

Oh nooo, the camera one sounds like a nightmare haha. I remember one of my old teachers convinced me to come help teach a digital arts class at my old college for a summer camp. All the kids just used it as an excuse to browse the internet and didn't care at ALL. That was unfortunately just reality, not a dream. But my teacher DID take me out for drinks at the end of it, and gave me the ipod shuffle he had meant as a prize but said "none of those little shits earned it" haha.

Joanna

One suggestion I've been told for naming an animal is to start off by making each sound of the alphabet at them and see how they react. If there's one or two that they seem interested in, then pick a name that starts with that sound. My first cat was a stray I met outside my apartment building, so he got named Handsome Stranger. But the ones I have now just kept the names they came with from the shelter. If they're happy with 'em, I'm fine.

NJGR

Your dreams sound like my school dreams. Lately, it's always a math class and I forgot my face mask and everyone else refuses to wear one. 😱

Douglas Appelt

The name that occurred to me is right there in the comic: "Crash". "Come here, Crash!" "What did you do this time, Crash?" :D

Theadora

Hah! I've had Heart's "Tall Dark Handsome Stranger" stuck in my head since last night, so this was funny to me!

Sheri Spangenberg

Oh no, Pandemic dreams are the worst! adding those to the missing class one is unfair!

Jeffrey Nonken

For anything that has to carry a load, I either use the anchors or screw into studs. The latter isn't always practical if the studs aren't located in practical and/or aesthetically pleasing locations, but I note that my TV bracket is MOST DEFINITELY screwed into studs with lag bolts. One of the drugs I'm on has a side effect of vivid dreams. Sometimes I take melatonin to sleep; one of the side effects is vivid dreams. Needless to say, it's not uncommon for me to wake up and say "WTF WAS THAT ABOUT?!" Heh. So, more to the point. My last place had a sliver of counter between the fridge and range that I'd put my laptop on to watch/listen to content while I'm pottering about the kitchen. The corner of the laptop would rest on the front left burner, which I rarely used. (Obviously I put the laptop somewhere else if I need it.) But one day I wasn't paying attention and turned on the wrong burner... Fortunately I smelled the burning plastic pretty quickly and got the thing off before it had done more than melted a pattern into the plastic case. Cosmetic damage only. OK, that's not the dream, that's just context. One night I had my tablet lying on the left burner, and accidentally over-heated my iron skillet on the right burner. In a distracted hurry I picked the skillet up and put it on the cool burner -- right on top of my tablet, destroying the display... ...and then I woke up. The dream felt so real that I was SURE I'd destroyed my tablet the previous night. My mind was racing in circles, trying to find some clue to confirm or contradict what I could clearly remember happening. In a panic I ran to my backpack and pulled it out to check. I was fine once I saw it was intact; the dream was suddenly a dream and not a memory, and I had a good long laugh. But until that moment, I wasn't quite sure.

Janne Peltonen

I got rid of those back-to-school dreams around the time I turned thirty. Haven't really missed them :D Although now that I said that, I just *know* what's going to happen tonight...

Monica Gallagher

I love this SO much (although I hate what a mess you had to clean up!) and the multimedia aspect of it creates so much deliciousness!!

dcorsetto

SO MUCH EASIER than drawing every damn spool of thread!! ;)

Alexandra

Heh, your cat has a name, you should ask him what it is. It might be Crash.