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SFX FIXED: CLUB LA.I.ZA - FEBRUARY 14, 2026 (Patreon)

Published:
2026-02-15 00:52:53
Edited:
2026-02-15 11:49:28
Imported:
2026-09

Downloads

  • ELLEN 2.12.26 EDIT 2.mp3

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Content

EDIT: Cutoff SFX now FIXED!!!! Thank you for alerting us!

GOOD MORNING, GOOD MORNING!!!! It's great when club is LATE!!! Forgive us father for we have ELLEN! We talk a little superbowl, un poco mas gaga, Liza's new AI venture with Matthew McConaughey, the mother/son duo behind the iconic cover of Born This Way album, and pluck the blades of two virgins with one finger!!!!

Files

Comments

Javi

Love is in the air and so is my cock!

Vanessa

I literally just thought gosh i need an episode

ethan

i saw a drake von jeffree star instagram reel and then immediately got this notification

ethan

get your potions and serums out, it’s time to cure that disease

Go-Go “Juice”

Tried to scald Raspberry’s mouth with my soup and it was COLD

Russalka

There is really nothing more to suck, except dick, but since dick is difficult to handle, one must take refuge in self..

roboboy

and I locked the fuckin doors

Gwen Stefani

using this as an excuse to finger myself and not go to 3 dollar bill.

EJ

Never thought I’d hear the Rugrats theme in the Club

Russalka

Did Theda see one of the twins she talked about last episode, posting a video with jeffree star?😍

EJ

Reba McEbaby

momrom

“Get your Hale and Hardy soups out, girl, it’s time to fuc, it’s gazpacho season! It’s February gazpacho season! Everyday is gazpacho season!” «Air as cold as the soup!»

Trey C

anyone know what song that was is in the intro? lol

John

ID LOVE TO PAINT IT HAHAHAHAHAHAH

Terry Gross

I think it’s time to speak my truth… I terry gross am…..virgin #1……..

Noah

Juggle dem balls 🤹

Henry

My jaw is on the floor re: minelli. Omg

Julie

God bless Macy's aunt, I'd love to have her back, maybe make her a pie

Derek

Beth and Marlene’s pies are fierce, help from Caroline is cunt

y c

Put that fucking cock in all my fucking three holes i want you to fucking fill me up like a fucking twinkie creaming make me fucking scream i wanna take three big loads up my ass at the fucking same time put those three cocks up my fucking asshole i wanna ride them all at the same fucking time

Tati Beauty Puff

she's got her tori amos wig on.... yes, girl

y c

Take off the fucking condom thats for fucking pussies thats for fucking wussies dont fucking use a condom thats for fucking people who dont have experience i want to get fucking pregnant tonight

Elwren

Just in time for my international flight

y c

Fuck me all in the fucking ass and put your sperm all over my fucking clit and rub it in really fucking good and make sure i get fucking pregnant tonight i wanna be the mommy ram it in really fucking good in the fucking car i like getting fucked in the fucking back seat like im a fucking whore like im a prostitute like im a drug addict thats who i am

Moniker Lewinsky

Macca Bees are what you get when you leave your McFlurry out too long in Australia

Henry

Don’t be so Coy Fish, honey! So demure honey!

Grady

The oiling of bad bunny

Grady

Oh of course a “classic Cyrano de Bergerac situation”

Beth Jerky

The EMERALD CITY!!!! YES!!! They're all on youtube - I did a series of drawings of the advertisements used in the show <3

Garrett Mabel

This week's book club: Chicken Soup for the Hole.

Isak

It's Epztein with a Z not Epstein with an S cause Epstein with an S goes S not Z

Grady

Absolute chills knowing that Theda has written a script that GOD

Kylee Kemlage

my wife perked up so hard at "white qui gong master"

Louie Zalk-Neale

Macy's aunt knows that lady gaga is always in an egg 🐣😍😍😍😍😍😻😍😻😍😻😍😻😍😻😍😻😍😻😻😻😻

Quinn

I get plucked, pulled, propped and Photoshopped in preparation for Club Ellen

Josh H.

Just our two favorite topless tias enjoying tapas on the terrace.

Josh H.

Greasing up that culo

Adam

cant wait for emma rolled funnel next week ❤️

Tati Beauty Puff

love how I got it wrong (wrote this before I listened to the episode)

Reese A-R

Omg I used to think that the Brave Little Toaster was so scary

May

the beginning of some of the drops being cut off lolll. 🔇🔇🔇men’s assholes

May

macy i also have a weird eye horror thing where i can’t look at horizontal bars because i get this feeling that it’s gonna like crush my eyes into my skull

Jo

This triggered something deep within me (if you know what I mean)

Synorchism

get your cormoran strike novels out, it's time for club galbraith

Jo

Not the Born This Way segment with an Artpop song as the background music

Uriel

Macy discovering A4 🩵

Steve

Ellen is a lesbian.

Giovanni A

Galbraith, it's me Kathy come home now.

Alex G

I used to have vivid nightmares of the giant serpent from harry potter :)

bundt

get your amoxicillins out, it’s time to kill the virus that inhabits your throat

hugomac

I saw Liza in 2012. I don't know why I thought it was going to be good. I imagined she would do some of her 'new material' but it was basically the music from Cabaret and New York, New York and she couldn't move because she'd broken her ankle...

Richard Berquist

I’m pretty sure sentient appliances get crushed to death in that movie. It scared me too.

Amy Cakes

Theda should have learned about the Maccabees from the Holiday Armadillo in Friends

Antoni

finding out what the file names of the wordless sex sound effects are was such a beautiful pulling back of the curtain, i am “wub wub wub’s” biggest fan btw

Grace Randolph

ALRIGHT LADIES!! Time to review some COCK!!

river

macy and theda could never be old gay men because they were never. little. boys.

BigGayJack

The penis paintings sparked a memory of watching Real Sex trying to find something to masturbate to as a child - there was a guy who did “penis puppetry” and even as a lil fag it was so unsexy watching him make his shaft a wrist watch.

Tin

Book club today?

M

so excited for theda’s adaptation of robert galbriath’s cormoran strike!

Javi

The dildo of consequence rarely arrives lubed

Glen

When I was a kid I had a terrifying nightmare that was just the door to door salesman from Peewee’s Playhouse standing in the doorway to my bedroom

Glen

Okay listening to this ep reminded me of there being some touring show called “Puppetry of the Penis” in the 00s/10s???

BigGayJack

It -had- to be the same guy!!?!

Quinn

Unsure if the "Bug" reading is happening today as scheduled - if not today, hopefully another day!

Master Stroke

I was so excited for a moment because I thought we were talking about one of my favorite bowl-scoopers: GATTICA

Megan M. Metzger

OMG i had a nightmare about him when I was little too!! He freaked me out

Megan M. Metzger

I remember that real sex vivdly then years later I went to Dave Hill’s show at the old UCB under the Gristedes to see Janeane Garofalo and was ambushed by the penis puppet guys. Anhoni was in the crowd. Only in New York

Christ

CLUB MIASMA is gonna go off next week after this new Jane Schoenbrun announcement! im first in the conga line!!!!

Glen

He was sooo freaky!!

Megan M. Metzger

He also made Pee-Wee scream real loud every time he saw him at the door so I guess I interpreted that as fear?

Zach Defense

I just learned there's gonna be another Orphan prequel and I don't think it's out of the question that it's an Ester living as a full grown adult in a womb situation

Tati Beauty Puff

whenever confronted with dementia I do feel a certain sense of dread, and it was very much present in those Liza ramblings

Mikey D

Can anyone guide me towards these “timmy fun” videos the gals mentioned? Would love to see the source material for these classic sound effects but googling these terms leads me nowhere

Glen

Oh fully! It’s so funny to see as an adult

Jordyfish

where did theda first hear the term “soup season” she said it in the edible ass paint ep so we can see that shes been saying it for almost ten years

brucey

what is the name of the videos that Theda gets the porn sounds from? Timmy Fun? i NEED to see these lmao

Baby, Don’t Shoot Podcast

Has it already been discussed that Spotify promotes Leil Lowndes’s audiobooks as “being featured on Nymphowars”?

Emily

🎵🎵🎵 ALL EYES... ON ME!!! 🎵🎵🎵

Tati Westbrook

i googled it and couldn't find anything LOL

Alex S

“ I live in Spain?” Really got me 😂 also congrats to Theda for finishing draft #1!

brucey

Same here, famous makeup guru Tati Westbrook

Terry Gross

Heh. Fuckin dummy…amoxicillin is an antibiotic….wont do shit for a virus. Even I, renowned tiny journalist Terry Gross of NPR, know that 🚬😒

LS

Imo one of the funniest little things this show has ever done is use the “wubwubwub” sound to represent a boat traveling through water in the galapagos episode

Lowen

i can confirm this has happened to me lol

bundt

girl, don’t you have some war criminals to interview? i know for a fact you need to get that soup from a high up shelf.

Jo

Me too!

Jo

I emailed photo evidence

Jo

Cum and parsel this mouth

Eddie Garland

I thought of this too! I remember they showed auditions and a guy was getting kind of hard and they were like “Get out! That’s NOT what we do here!” Because boners disrespect the art of penis puppetry

DMT Cart

Thoughts on Bob Saget pussy?

BigGayJack

The Sacred Art of Hanging Dong

Log

Ok but bad bunny literally has the sexiest feet on the planet

Joseph

Bunny culture 🐰

James D

Falling down the US vs EU paper size rabbit hole wtfff

Ryan Koski

I used to be scared of the Brave Little Toaster too!!! The scene where they are in a junk yard and the cars are all panicking, singing about their fondest memories before they get smashed—i.e. KILLED—accompanied by a choir of voices singing “You’re worthless” scared me to death. The one that always stuck in my mind was one car singing “I ONCE TOOK A WOMAN TO A WEDDING” and then BAM. They’re a little block. //🎶You’re worthleeeeeeess🎶//

Lloyd

Dick print minute reminded me of a friend of a friend in college tweeting out a call for local guys to send him pics specifically of their erect penises so he could make Victorian-style silhouettes of them for an “art piece”.

Hunty

oil of every bad bunny's-insides

Grady

Nymphostorian over here

Pavle

it's a club-ely day in the ellenhood, an elleny day in the clubly wood

Marge

Isn’t the dick print guy called “prick-casso”? A little Pablomatic if you ask me.

sop

donating my body to science…LIZA LABS BABY!

courtney

Minelli, Minelli, Minelli! Liza Liza Liza!

miley_virus

so the melon punch sfx are from “Timmy Fun”? Asking for a friend bc I can’t find any trace of this online.

Javi

White Feather Cock Tail Bowl Tapper!

miley_virus

I also need to know. I’m assuming it’s FFun with two F’s or something fisting related. I can see that there is someone called Punchboy but nothing for “Melon Punch”

Go-Go “Juice”

The Liza Minnelli song is giving elder abuse downnnn

Levi

the liza segment was so dark im shaking

Dee

Do any lil nymphos know which episode they talked to Tom Collins?

Bricka Tuna

There is a youtube video called ”SNL Cast Making Amy Poehler LOSE IT on the Good Hang Podcast” and it’s always on top of my recommendations. I blame the gals!

AJ

I hope the virgin callers found each other 🥰

Harley

Punchboy mentioned!! He’s such a sweetheart 🫶

Go-Go “Juice”

“Oh god, honey….. Doll, we don’t want to go there” 😭😭

Kevin

Gaga mention in the Liza memoir

Pavle

Kids, wait til you hear this...

roboboy

her allegedly forcing her to be in the wheelchair ....

May

club ellen february 10 2024 👍🏻

Bolkagirl

Minelli has it out for germanotta oh my god

Eric

February playlist when?

Dee

Hawk tuah!

Jack Mannix

Listening to this episode on Bondi Beach - was touched by the mention

ethan

happy 80th birthday liza

BULLY POP

It’s absolutely real. Watched that episode recently with the Lowndes divination bit and immediately was recommended her books for like two weeks.