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So I gather... (Patreon)

Published:
2022-08-09 20:39:37
Edited:
2022-08-09 20:40:18
Imported:
2026-06

Content

A: Keep the parents around as long possible. Stay light and don't get too dark with it.B: Fighting scenes are fun but I want serious worldbuilding in Washington city to make the trip worthwhile to me as a reader.C: Ending the arc on the mystery sphere is fine as long as A and B are followed.

Comments

Darune Albane

Also maybe a foreshadowing of the lost cities being not so lost .. and the populations being used somehow?

Thaco4

I like option C

Deinos

But what about naked people?

Ben Tew

D. All of the above.

Carrioncrawl

Get dark if you want to, having read your other work I doubt you’re likely to step over the line of too far. Love the relationships he has with his friends and family though, there’s a lot to explore there. Definitely would be nice for some world building and character development on the trip but there’s nothing stopping you from including lots of violence in there too. Some creative solutions to problems and approaches to battles could lead to a some prep and investigation into the situation, options, possible allies etc that would be a good avenue for worldbuilding. Then you can keep him going at a busy, hectic pace if that’s what you want to go for while also working in some lore

Kote's chronicles

I want levels and power creep. With humor every now and then. Basically keep doin what you're doing. I would LOVE to see a scene like out of a eastern novel though. Where some weak super doesn't relise he has powers or something and doesn't he whole " do you know who I even am?!?!?" Before knuckle sandwich takes away his confidence. Those sprinkles around just tickle my funny bone. To much is annoying though.

Seadrake

Please and thank you. Industrial magic has been a great read.

PlasmaticPi

The only thing I would change is that at some point his parents and Solaris need to go away for a while. Solaris possibly permanently. Because it just seems like he is eventually gonna get sick of dealing with the corruption in the city and how much it holds him back, especially once he gets to the level where he can replace some of the people in the role they play in the cities defense, either personally or with something he builds. And at that point his parents would hold him back too much.

Hunter Joseph

Some darkness should be fine. Kill his gram or gramp, one of his friends like manic who seems too dumb to live, or maybe even only one of his parents according to where you wanna take him su h as his mom if you want him to be a villain like his dad or vice versa. Additionally I don't know if the whole evil guy darks the city makes a ton of sense since it seems the career bad guys that have been around understand that Solaris will vaporize you if you step too far over the line. Maybe work in that the dark happens while perry is fighting his way back and Solaris has to leave the city to help and that's taken advantage of.

Reyhulko

Yes, keep it like this please, i'm really enjoying the story and the pacing so far, the balance between humor and gritty realism is very nice and did make me binge U.U

Echohunter

I think it'd be funny if he somehow ended up with more parents than he started with. Similar to some Worm shenanigans, maybe. His powers are supposed to run off of Perry's dead ends, or something to that effect. Is there any way that another version of his parents decide to hop on over to this main timeline somehow?

Carrioncrawl

I really like the idea someone had of his parents being elsewhere and it being a grandma plot to traumatise Perry into unlocking his magic. Maybe some kind of illusionary images of his parents being murdered and then have a scene of his parents, unbeknownst to Perry, sipping a piña colada on a beach in a more tropical city they were asked to defend in high tide while fighting off prawns with ease for their anniversary. Maybe a conversation about how they should have left a note for Perry or something and then deciding a bit of stress builds character. Get to explore Perry’s grief and the ensuing rage and hurt fuelled growth while also making it clear to the audience that that relationship isn’t now gone and can be explored in the future. Letting you have the dark and gritty Perry side without the lost opportunity of his family and keeping with the more comedic theme of this story over your other works.

JG

I would say no killing the parents but solaris is to much of a deus ex hes got to go.

Daniel B

lick the science!

GenericKane

Whatever leads to our man perry going on a hardcore villainous spree is my vote

rwn

Solaris totally seems like the kind of person who'd pull a Dr. Manhattan

rwn

I wouldn't mind Perry's parents getting offed (and actually I think it would be interesting if it was only one of them and then he has to handle it with the other one), but that's more book 3 material IMO

DrBubblez

I don't mind his parents getting killed so long as Perry actually does something about it, as opposed to just being depressed for a while. I would hate it if he went on a whole revenge arc just to get to the bad guy and then NOT murder the fuck outta them. Revenge is a nice motivator, given that said revenge is actually achieved, otherwise it's just a source of blue balls.

Joe ?

I agree with all of this. Though I do think some kind of loss is necessary at some point for Perry to grow.

g0lb0r

Don't kill the parents. I think getting them stuck in the magic home world of Perrys mom for bit would be great workaround. Maybe his grandma can try to manipulate him into believing that his parents are very likely dead. I believe that you can get a few good comedic situations out of their return or rescue. I agree that Solaris should go. It is unrealistic for him to die, but there could be some strong monster or villain that occupies him for a significant amount of time.

Phil

The problem I see with getting too dark is that then it wouldn't make sense why he wouldn't lose enough stability to push him over the edge -- which, based on the general tone of the story so far would make it rather unenjoyable. It could be interesting if a smaller blow was dealt -- e.g. a single parent kidnapped while the other leave to rescue them, pushing him and making him realize or be convinced of how desperately he needs more points in stability. It could be done in a way where he realizes he needs stability to get true revenge on people who assisted or enabled his parent's capture. It could also lead to him over-compensating and putting an excessive amount into stability. Each point making him more and more cognizant of how close he came to becoming another Dr Replica. Giving him an intense desire to grow slower and focus harder on technique rather than the power of his ability. Alternatively; he could focus on stability to ensure he can carry out his revenge without going insane and forgetting his purpose.

Matt M

I think the parents should definitely stay alive. Maybe they have to go off and do something else for a while. They shouldn't be there to save him from everything, but maybe keep him grounded.

hefeystus

Solaris giving up on the city because the math works out better to be somewhere else would be a great reality check

SeaGangster

I am super opposed to the parents dying. I am enjoying the subversion of the classic "MC's parents died tragically" trope and the endless variations. Give us more supportive family growing their world-ending monster with love and sunshine ❤️ As for the rest? Washington should be worth the trip. We could do a fuck ton of fighting anywhere. A big, bad villain could be tight, but I worry that there hasn't been enough foreshadowing to make their arrival weighty enough, if you know what I mean.

DaShoe

I vote C. I like the parents as the foil comedy relief. I look forward to knowing them better before they are killed off or pushed to the side

Leaored

I love the parents, please don't kill them

Roeland

B and half A via C if you like. you know you can add dark flavour without killing everyone and just making it bitter. Kill or maim one etc

A disgruntled nondescript squirrel

May I suggest throwing into his mothers home world with his team instead. Surviving in a world of magical ruins and monster titan. He'll have the goal to get home and have to start from scratch. Portals could be his nemesis's new power.

Chunq

I vote keep it light. You could make a lampshade trope pun with the darkness dome. Getting inside the dome could be difficult, part of the greater story of the Hero Returns Home. If you do decide to not kill them, their son being drafted out of home is a good excuse for them to take a vacation.

A disgruntled nondescript squirrel

Its got lots of foreshadowing and maybe he can find out hints about our mystery observer on a world that has already fallen and may not be being actively observed.

0xFFF1

Abun'Zaul's lingering directives ensure there's only ever one Zauberer heir at a time.

att

I find the grim-dark tropes pretty overused at this point, not everything needs to be GRRM or Worm. For example, was bummed with Selkie when the story took a totally random very depressing turn the week my dad died just did not fit the tone / why I was reading it when I needed some light escapism.

DrBubblez

I would rather have one very tough fight with a big bad with high stakes than ten fights with randos. Perry has been crusing lately, he needs a real challenge that will fuck him up a little bit(and give him lots of xp of course). It doesn't need to be one strong dude, seeing him go toe to toe against a well coordinated team of avarage heroes by himself would be very interesting.

Andrew Potter

Option C: Perry’s Mom and Dad go with him as Oversight and Grandma and Grandpa get trapped under the dome. Mom and Dad send P and team he’s gathered in Washington in to investigate while they protect refugees and supplies outside the city.

SunderGoldmane

Could just make Washington city the city that has this big black energy dome spring up.

Baines

man I was feeling madoka vibes there for a moment

hefeystus

if you really want a darker twist, grandma could just manipulate the bureaucracy to go against perry harder since even his parents are subject to that

SunderGoldmane

Put the big scary shadow dome around the new city. End the current arc on the train screeching to a halt outside and everyone being like “this is above my pay grade”.

Macronomicon

I accidentally deleted the suggestion that Perry and Chemestro should kiss while I was scrolling through. Sorry!

SunderGoldmane

This brings up a pov we don’t fully understand. What kind of game is Solaris playing? I like to imagine that his endgame is preservation of humanity. Not in a morally upstanding point of view but in an understanding that this entire world was built from a human pov and if we don’t want to live in a society that is alien to us, humanity itself needs to be preserved.

SunderGoldmane

Grounded/stable. From everything seen so far, Perry’s parents dying is grounds for Perry going akira. Which means the end of an era or the story. If he doesn’t go akira then ive misread how valueable Perry’s home life is to his continued stable existence.

SunderGoldmane

A legit Kidnapping of hexen to an out of city power could lead to us seeing what real world version of stability stat looks like by seeing his fathers reactions and meticulous planning. This could open up screen time between Perry and his dad and even a potential project collaboration. Could also open up our view of the bigger game at large. How do the top dogs of the city react when one of there own gets disappeared out from under them? What can a whole city of supers do when inspired to fight an outside enemy?

Notcreepycreeper

Thats the dark twist. Instead of parents dying, their fucking leads to Perry's death as to match fate

Jeong Ho Lee

Yeah I like option A since there are so many superhero stories where the parents just get killed off.

SeaGangster

Good idea. If a different city is destroyed by supervillians, it would provide the necessary foreshadowing to make them showing up in "our" city that much more significant

Mitchell

Unacceptable

RedFaux

Option A 100%. I like this story specifically because it counters superhero tropes by just having reasonable people as its characters and its tongue and cheek relationship with its less plausible premises. Its shamelessly "golden age comic book" and that's what's good about it, what separates it from just being Super Minion clone

Carl Mason

Honestly I like the idea of get stuck on the homeworld, but I would rather it happen because grandma died and they were travelling as a family to bury her as requested. She could die in the middle of/as a result of/to complete a ritual to fix his soul and the family (and maybe a small procession of loyal Funkytowners) travel back home to shelve her properly in keeping with Ancient Custom as described in paragraph 13, subsection c, line 17 of Manitian Royal Protocol handed down since the founding of the Zauberer Dynasty in the year 273 of the Era of Warring Plenty. ("Mom, didn't the Zauberer line fall at the end of Manitia in the year 346EWP?" "Yeah, so?") (Something pretentious that doesn't actually mean anything beyond "it's tradition.") Then the family and friends get stuck, all the Funkytowners are basically redshirts, and few make it home, but they have an awesome story to tell about how they got their lives saved by the royal family.

Carl Mason

And then being forced to rescue the city because above their parade or not, they are there in the first place to protect the city.

Carl Mason

A slow death, as the new one germinates he becomes weaker and the last trimester he is basically researching ways to become undead/a lich, he ultimately does and is transformed on the day of his sibling's birth, in the waiting room. Could be some medical slapstick comedy there.

Carl Mason

Ten fights with randos all at the same time. Interrupted by the approach of The Big Bad.

Michael Vonica

Maybe one way to go dark is instead of some irreversible tragedy, Perry ends up in a situation where he has a way to save his loved one, like a resurrection, or rescue operation, but its slow, hard, expensive, morally dubious, and risky. So instead of just having to suffer, Perry has to slow down and consider what he really wants to do, and if it's worth the cost.

NoodleGod

Honestly sounds fine, yeah

H

Reading “Please don’t tell my parents I’m a supervillain” I was never fond of the whole going psycho thing so seeing the trope again in a similar story isn’t great. I’d much rather the story had more “magical jizz spraying” than “murder all the things”

H

I joined for the lolz not for a murder hobo spree ya no?

Nobody

Even the "Don't Tell My Parents" series seemed to realize that and in "Don't Tell My Parents I'm Queen of the Dead" we get a new main character who's greatest enemy is a TV producer who keeps putting her on game shows. And is trying to force a bunch of kids with "evil looking" powers to go villain.

Nobody

I like the light hearted stuff, if I wanted the edgy cringe I'd just go read one of the Amazon Unlimited sellouts.

Soulfire

So I don't normally comment on these things as I expect you have a much better idea how to write a compelling story than I do. But this got stuck in my head so here it goes. What if you kill off one parent instead of both. You now have the other parent in a place where Perry would need to be there for emotional support. Which due to his soul damage he is increasingly incapable of doing. Then he has to deal with filling in the shoes of that parent either for the magical community or the supervillain community and whatever his dad's civilian persona does that is so important for the city that he can't be jailed for his crimes. I also like the idea of his dad somehow getting killed by a new hero by accident but with his decoy robots it would be difficult to explain why he put himself in danger personally. This would give Perry someone he hates but very little recourse to retaliate against. Accidents happen and the story glosses over most of the normal people killed on a daily basis surely supers can die by a accidental attack they didn't see coming the same as anyone else. Final point in favor of his dad getting the axe. Imagine what kind of dead man's switch a tinker with his resources could set up as a final bit of chaos to the city. Trying to take out everyone that was an enemy or threat to his family. Oh also I like C damn shame to go murder hobo or spend time on a city your going to nuke in a couple chapters. Could get another city's perspective on things like Funkytown.

Adam Roundfield

Killing off the parents is way too cliche... Isekai the parents!

arnumart

I am for a or b personally. The problem is Paradox is starting out and he has a lot of growing up to do before you want to have trauma that could potentially break him. His parents dying would be a breaking point for him. Also with his almost like sociopath tendencies and lack of intimate relationships his parents dying kill the major part of his support system. While he has friends he is not that close to them.

melchi

Measuring photons is sorta problematic because they don't have a mass. People use spectrometer to tell what the makeup of a star is.

melchi

Could use e=mc2 but say speed of light is not constant this will play some weird stuff with time dialation but should get the delay effect.

Chase Sparrow

I think a spiderman type of arc would be fun with him. By that I mean make it so one/both parents die during an act of hubris from Perry. He did not act or thought he was better than a person. But make it worth it, dont fall into the trap of killing of characters just because you can.