Unseen Scene - Adam's Kiss POV Scene (Patreon)

It is impossible to know whether to crave or despise the anticipation that swirls in the air.

Adam wants to catch it up, smother them both in it, and give in to whatever the sensation tempts from them.

But he knows it would tempt too much from him. Make him admit too much.

And there would be no going back.

He’s already risking so much by balancing at the edge of the cliff.

But taking that last step into the fall?

He’s already been suffocated by darkness of loss once. He cannot suffer an eternity in it again if he were to lose [Name] too.

“I suppose I should let you sleep,” Adam murmurs, his breath almost lost as he gazes at [Name].

“Probably,” they reply just as breathless.

The aggravatingly wonderful anticipation shackles him in place a while longer, before he can finally break free of it and move towards the door.

“Adam!”

His name has never sounded so wonderful as they call for him.

He looks over his shoulder, gripping the door handle tightly to stop him from rushing back over and sinking into the moment they’d missed. “Yes?”

“What reason would you have given me?” they ask. “When I asked you to give me one?”

Do not tell them the truth.

The thought pops into his head. Protective and strong.

But [Name] breaks through his defences with an ease that’s worrying.

And it’s impossible not to surrender.

“…Tu omnia.”

Silence sinks across the room, making him shiver, until finally…thump, thump, thump.

[Name]’s racing heartbeat adds a melody to the room that’s more exquisite than any orchestra could ever play.

And then they’re moving. Rushing across the room and throwing their arms around his neck until their bodies mould together into a perfect fit.

The cliff edge draws dangerously closer, but Adam doesn’t care. Not in this moment.

For this second, there is nothing but [Name].

But before their lips can finally meet, the thoughts invade again.

If you do this, you could hurt them. You will hurt them.

And what will you do then?

He tenses. And [Name] can feel it. They meet his gaze, frowning a little at the hesitation.

“I can only give you this moment.” The words leave Adam even as he tries to force them back. “If we have this moment, after it…” A coursing sting burns through his chest. “I must let you go.”

“Let me go? You want to deny whatever is between us now we’re finally here?” Their accusation lands and sears into him even deeper.

Adam cups their cheek, needing as much touch between them as he can get. “I can no longer deny the connection between us, [Name]. But that doesn’t mean…I cannot allow myself to want this.” Because it will hurt you. “I cannot allow my heart to open again.” Or I will lose it forever. “I cannot allow you to fall in love with me.” As I have with you.

[Name] holds their gaze. Adam can see a turmoil of emotions play across the brilliance of their eyes, the expression addictive.

But not as addictive as hearing the next words.

“…Too late.”

Do not do this. You will regret it. The danger—Shut up! Adam growls at the invasive thoughts and kisses [Name].

Adam sinks into the kiss as though it’s a fever dream he has conjured and is terrified it will end. His hands roam to burn the memory of it into his mind, his lips trailing over [Name]’s hot skin to do the same.

His heart rockets to match the speeding pace of theirs’ as their chests crush together. Blood pours through his body in a freeing rush he has not felt in an eternity.

He’d almost forgotten what it felt like to live.

Suddenly the fall doesn’t feel such a risk. Not if [Name] is there falling with them into the unknown abyss.

But Adam finds himself still hanging by his fingertips to the edge—unable to fully let go. What if all that greets them the at the bottom is a crushing pain? He would suffer that crash for [Name]…but he will not allow [Name] to suffer such a fate for him.

So, he pulls away.

And it almost kills him to do so.

“Thank you,” he breathes out, unsure if he can even make his voice work.

They frown. “For what?”

He brushes his fingers over their cheek, wishing to capture this moment for even just a second longer before knowing he will break it. “For sharing this with me.”

“Is it enough like you hoped?”

No.

“No,” he admits the thought, even when he knows he shouldn’t. “When it comes to you…I could never have enough.”

He drags himself up from the cliff edge to the desolate barren wasteland of his existence once again, reforming walls that crush part of him as they rebuild around his bruised and battered heart.

“And now I must let you go. I am sorry.” He has never spoken an apology and meant it down to his soul before.

They roll their lips together. “For leaving?”

“For not being enough.” He didn’t mean to say it, but there it is. The truth of what lay between them.

[Name] is everything. But he…he is broken. Not worthy of everything they are. And they would cut themselves on the sharp pieces that are all that’s left of him.

“See you tomorrow, Detective.” The title is bitter against his tongue, but he manages to keep his expression steady even at the taste.

He leaves.

And in the privacy of the hallway…he breaks completely.