Unseen Scene - Ava Kiss POV Scene (Patreon)

It is impossible to know whether to crave or despise the anticipation that swirls in the air.

Ava wants to catch it up, smother them both in it, and give in to whatever the sensation tempts from them.

But she knows it would tempt too much from her. Make her admit too much.

And there would be no going back.

She’s already risking so much by balancing at the edge of the cliff.

But taking that last step into the fall?

She’s already been suffocated by darkness of loss once. She cannot suffer an eternity in it again if she were to lose [Name] too.

“I suppose I should let you sleep,” Ava murmurs, her breath almost lost as she gazes at [Name].

“Probably,” they reply just as breathless.

The aggravatingly wonderful anticipation shackles her in place a while longer, before she can finally break free of it and move towards the door.

“Ava!”

Her name has never sounded so wonderful as they call for her.

She looks over her shoulder, gripping the door handle tightly to stop her from rushing back over and sinking into the moment they’d missed. “Yes?”

“What reason would you have given me?” they ask. “When I asked you to give me one?”

Do not tell them the truth.

The thought pops into her head. Protective and strong.

But [Name] breaks through her defences with an ease that’s worrying.

And it’s impossible not to surrender.

“…Tu omnia.”

Silence sinks across the room, making her shiver, until finally…thump, thump, thump.

[Name]’s racing heartbeat adds a melody to the room that’s more exquisite than any orchestra could ever play.

And then they’re moving. Rushing across the room and throwing their arms around her neck until their bodies mould together into a perfect fit.

The cliff edge draws dangerously closer, but Ava doesn’t care. Not in this moment.

For this second, there is nothing but [Name].

But before their lips can finally meet, the thoughts invade again.

If you do this, you could hurt them. You will hurt them.

And what will you do then?

She tenses. And [Name] can feel it. They meet her gaze, frowning a little at the hesitation.

“I can only give you this moment.” The words leave Ava even as she tries to force them back. “If we have this moment, after it…” A coursing sting burns through her chest. “I must let you go.”

“Let me go? You want to deny whatever is between us now we’re finally here?” Their accusation lands and sears into her even deeper.

Ava cups their cheek, needing as much touch between them as she can get. “I can no longer deny the connection between us, [Name]. But that doesn’t mean…I cannot allow myself to want this.” Because it will hurt you. “I cannot allow my heart to open again.” Or I will lose it forever. “I cannot allow you to fall in love with me.” As I have with you.

[Name] holds their gaze. Ava can see a turmoil of emotions play across the brilliance of their eyes, the expression addictive.

But not as addictive as hearing the next words.

“…Too late.”

Do not do this. You will regret it. The danger—Shut up! Ava growls at the invasive thoughts and kisses [Name].

Ava sinks into the kiss as though it’s a fever dream she has conjured and is terrified it will end. Her hands roam to burn the memory of it into her mind, her lips trailing over [Name]’s hot skin to do the same.

Her heart rockets to match the speeding pace of theirs’ as their chests crush together. Blood pours through her body in a freeing rush she has not felt in an eternity.

She’d almost forgotten what it felt like to live.

Suddenly the fall doesn’t feel such a risk. Not if [Name] is there falling with them into the unknown abyss.

But Ava finds herself still hanging by her fingertips to the edge—unable to fully let go. What if all that greets them the at the bottom is a crushing pain? She would suffer that crash for [Name]…but she will not allow [Name] to suffer such a fate for her.

So, she pulls away.

And it almost kills her to do so.

“Thank you,” she breathes out, unsure if she can even make her voice work.

They frown. “For what?”

She brushes her fingers over their cheek, wishing to capture this moment for even just a second longer before knowing she will break it. “For sharing this with me.”

“Is it enough like you hoped?”

No.

“No,” she admits the thought, even when she knows she shouldn’t. “When it comes to you…I could never have enough.”

She drags herself up from the cliff edge to the desolate barren wasteland of her existence once again, reforming walls that crush part of her as they rebuild around her bruised and battered heart.

“And now I must let you go. I am sorry.” She has never spoken an apology and meant it down to her soul before.

They roll their lips together. “For leaving?”

“For not being enough.” She didn’t mean to say it, but there it is. The truth of what lay between them.

[Name] is everything. But she…she is broken. Not worthy of everything they are. And they would cut themselves on the sharp pieces that are all that’s left of her.

“See you tomorrow, Detective.” The title is bitter against her tongue, but she manages to keep her expression steady even at the taste.

She leaves.

And in the privacy of the hallway…she breaks completely.