Sitting On My Buddy’s Lap 09: The Woods (Patreon)

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Sitting On My Buddy’s Lap

Chapter 9: The Woods

The gravel lot at the trailhead was full of guys pulling packs out of the back of two vans and dropping them on the ground, each one producing a loud thud. Evan had the side door of the first van slid open and he stood in it like a podium, handing out laminated cards, one per pair. The card had a drawing of a mushroom on it and some text under the drawing that looked easy to miss.

Theo and I hadn't talked about the other night, him with his fist clamped around the base of Seth's large dick while I impromptu worked the top half of it with my mouth, the whole thing he had instigated himself. I figured he would bring it up on the drive, or at least text me about it, but he never did. When I saw him in the house after that he got really busy with whatever was in his hands, a cup, his phone, the strap on his bag, and he answered me in the same clipped voice he used with Evan, not cold, but shy. So I kept the conversation light. 

On the drive up, Seth leaned over the seat and said quietly, "Is the kid okay?"

"He's fine," I said.

"He hasn't said a word about it."

"I don't think he's gonna."

"You gonna make him?"

"No."

Theo stood next to me now in the gravel with his hands in the pocket of his hoodie, watching Evan hold up the card, and his shoulder brushed my arm every time he shifted his weight.

"You find the mushroom on your card, with your buddy," Evan said, holding one up. "You bring them back. That's the whole assignment."

"What if we find the wrong ones," somebody said.

"Then you get sacrificed at the end of the day."

The guys chuckled.

I got mine and Theo took it out of my hand before I had it flat. He held it up close to his face and studied it closely.

Seth was off to my right with his Little, Brody. Big shoulders on him, thick neck, a kid who clearly played some sport in high school. He had the meat of a jock in him. Seth had one hand flat on Brody's shoulder while he told him about how it was going to go, and Brody stood really close to Seth, nodding at everything and answering in single words.

"Yeah."

"Yep."

"Sure."

Seth looked over at me and lifted his chin. I lifted mine back.

Evan clapped his hands twice and the whole lot started moving at once, guys shouldering packs and squinting at their cards and arguing about which way the drawings were hinting at. One pair headed straight for the road instead of the trail and Evan had to whistle them back. Seth and Brody went right, toward the far end of the lot, Brody already three steps ahead of Seth, who was still talking. Theo flipped our card over and looked at the text on the back, then the drawing, then the text again, and pointed at the trees.

"We're looking for a Wooly Neptune. It'll have a woolly, greenish-blue cap, an off-center stem, and velvety, blue gills," he said, "It says shaded area, wet ground, and... rotten wood."

"Okay."

"It says it's the rarest one. We might be fucked."

"Oh no," I said mockingly, "We might get sacrificed."

"What happens when you get sacrificed?"

"We cook you and eat you."

"Just me?"

"Just find the mushroom."

He shook his head.

"So that way," he said, pointing the opposite direction from where Seth went, "That's downhill, so that's where the water flows."

I had no idea if he was right, but he said it with confidence and I didn't really care, so I followed him.

The first stretch was narrow enough that we had to walk single file, so I moved in front and Theo dropped in a half step behind me with his eyes on my back and his pack riding high on his shoulders.

"How many pledges usually quit," he said up at the back of my head.

"A couple."

"Like two, or like a lot."

"Just a couple."

I heard his boots in the dirt behind mine and I kept my eyes on the trail. He stayed quiet after that, all the way down the first ridgeline, and he never came up beside me even where the trail widened out enough for it. He walked behind me, and I felt him looking at me the whole way down, and then up over the next hill.

Somewhere past the second bend he said, "I gotta piss," and stepped off toward the tree line, and hearing that made me have to pee as well, so I joined him. 

We stood a couple feet apart facing the same brush and pushed our waistbands down. He didn't try to hide his dick, didn't turn his hips. He just stood there and held himself with his shorts pushed under it. I didn't see it before since he never took it out in the kitchen that one night. In daylight it was thick and pale and heavy, longer than I would expect on a guy that size, and I stared at it for a second.

He glanced over at me, and we made a quick eye contact, which turned into a giggle.

We both finished and tucked and pulled our waistbands back up, and neither of us said anything about it, and we got back on the trail.

"Eyes out for mushrooms," I said.

"Look who's talking," he said back.

I just chuckled and nodded.

We came across a pond after a few minutes, down in a bowl of rock with the water dark green and flat and a mud bank on the near side. Theo stopped on the bank and turned around to face me and pulled his shirt straight up over his head, then dropped his shorts and underwear together in the same beat.

"We're swimming," he said.

He stood bare on the mud in front of me for a second, hands loose at his sides, freckles running down onto his chest, hard little runner's legs, everything on display in full sun. Then he turned and waded in, slowly, with his arms up.

I got my clothes off quietly, piling my stuff on top of his on a flat rock above the waterline. I watched Theo ahead of me as I strolled in, his round little ass disappearing under the calm surface of the water. It was cold enough to make me swear when it hit my stomach. I got out to where the silt was soft under my feet, and we ended up chest deep a few feet apart, facing each other, the water sitting right at our collarbones.

"It's freezing," he said, grinning.

"It's fine."

"You're shaking."

"No I'm not, pussy."

We stayed in for a while, swimming out to the middle and back, splashing each other in the face whenever one of us got too close. It didn't feel cold after a while. He kept drifting over to me under the surface and hooking his foot around my ankle, then pulling away, then coming back and doing it again, and I started doing it back, our toes finding each other's shins and calves and butt cheeks down in the  water while we floated there face to face, talking about nothing. He really was a little flirt after all. 

At one point he swam right up against me and hung off my shoulders for a second, his chest cold against mine, his breath on my cheek, his dick and balls pressing into my stomach, then he pushed off and floated away on his back. 

We were about twenty minutes in when the brush on the bank came apart and Seth and Brody crashed through it.

"This doesn't look like mushroom hunting," Brody announced. 

"In a way it is," I said back jumping out of the water to flash my dick at them.

Seth laughed. "Nice."

Brody walked right up to the edge, facing the water. "You guys find any mushrooms yet? Besides your dicks."

Seth stopped beside him and folded his arms, standing in front of his Little, and looked right at my ass under the surface, openly, tilting his head a little when the water moved.

I took a couple strokes away from them so he could see my ass breaking the surface, and I turned back to see Seth's jaw tighten, while Brody's face scrunched up, before his attention drifted away.

"I bet there's good mushrooms around here," Brody said, pointing at a hunk of wood on the ground with the toe of his boot. "That's a good log. Bet there's stuff under that."

"Check under it, then," Seth said, still looking at me.

Brody flipped the log with his boot and got real invested in what was under it, which was bugs, and about a minute later he was ready to go find more logs. He didn't look at the water again.

"See you at camp," Seth said, and the two of them went crashing back up the far side of the bowl, Brody already talking again.

Theo watched them go until the brush closed up behind them, then turned around in the water to face me.

"Brody seems like he's opened up a bit, just since this morning," he said.

"Seth has that effect," I said absently, staring at the spot where they had disappeared. 

Theo pushed his wet hair back off his forehead with both hands and looked over at the log Brody had kicked over, still lying flipped in the mud.

"You open up too," I said, gesturing to his nudity under the water. "At random times."

"It's not random," he said, looking right at me.

I narrowed my eyes at him and he just floated there, his chin at the waterline.

There was a flat slab of rock above the waterline that had been in the sun all day, and we climbed out and sat on it to dry off with our clothes in a pile next to us. I pulled my knees up and put my forearms across them, and Theo did the same next to me, close enough that his bare knee rested against mine and stayed there.

"Can I tell you something dumb," he said.

"Go for it."

"I ran track." He picked a piece of grit off the rock and flicked it. "And there was this guy on the team, Austin, and we hated each other, like actually. We were competitive at everything. And then junior year we go to a meet upstate and the hotel screws up the rooms so a bunch of us are on the floor of a suite, and there's not enough sleeping bags, and I had to share one with him."

"Uh huh."

"So we're both lying there not sleeping. And his leg's touching my leg." He shrugged one shoulder.

"And then he moved his hand." He laughed at the rock. "So I lay there pretending to be asleep and let him jerk me off, freaking out, right there on the floor with everybody around us. Then the next day we fucked in the hotel bathroom. It was wild. I was obsessed with him the whole rest of the year. I still kind of am. Even though he's a toxic cunt."

I stretched my legs out and his knee slid off mine down onto my thigh.

"I haven't been with a girl since I got to college," he said. "I keep thinking I'll want to and then I don't."

"Okay."

"So I guess I'm just gay, like you."

I paused for a second, wanting to correct him. But instead I just nodded.

"I guess something similar happened to me. With Seth."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It was kind of on accident. He got a boner while I was sitting on his lap."

"Impossible not to feel that monster."

"Yeah."

"And then what happened?"

"We turned gay."

He nodded for a second, looking at the pond. "Does it bother you? Sharing him?"

"Sharing who."

"Seth."

"No," I said with a chuckle.

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's hot."

"That's cool."

"Now let's go get our Wooly Neptunes."

I picked up my shorts, which were still damp on the inside, and dragged them up over my wet legs while I was sitting down, which took some effort.

He looked at me, just as he tucked his dick into his shorts. "Do you think he minds, sharing you?"

····[]····

We walked maybe a half hour up the next trail, both of us bending over every rotten log we passed, when I finally saw a spot of blue on the ground on the wet side of a fallen tree. Something about the color looked wrong for the woods, like somebody had dropped a piece of candy. I stopped walking. Theo bumped into my back and then looked past my arm, and he saw it a second after I did.

Neither of us moved for a second. Then he stepped around me and squatted down over it with the card in one hand, holding it right next to the little cluster. There were five or six of them growing out of the dark, crumbling side of the log, small, with fuzzy caps, the color of a swimming pool. He tilted one over with a fingertip without picking it.

"Woolly cap," he said quietly. "Blue gills. Stem's off to the side. Rotten wood, wet ground, shade."

"So?"

He stood up and looked at me, the card still held up like evidence.

"That's it. That's the Wooly Neptune."

"Finally," I said, and I grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into me, and he wrapped both arms around my waist and squeezed hard enough that his cheek pressed into my collarbone. He held on an extra moment, and I let him, and then we knelt down and started pulling them out carefully by the base.

It was late afternoon by then, and we came back down the hill with our shirts off, the card in my hand, and a plastic bag of six blue-green, funny looking mushrooms. Seth and Brody came down the other fork at almost the same time.

Brody wasn't walking behind Seth anymore. He was up beside him, shoulder to shoulder, being loud, and he had started doing an impression of Evan that was mostly just saying "gentlemen" in a low voice.

"Gentlemen," Brody said. "The mushrooms. Gentlemen."

Theo dropped back off my shoulder and came around the other side of me.

"You gotta be careful with the stems," he said. "You wanna grip it at the base. Otherwise you get the whole thing falling apart in your hand and it's a mess."

"Right," I said, making a jerkoff gesture. "Sounds familiar."

Theo and Seth laughed, while Brody didn't notice. He turned around walking backward. 

"That's what I've been saying. About the log." He pointed at Theo. "This guy gets it."

Seth put a hand on the back of Brody's neck and turned him around before he walked into a tree.

I looked down at the bag of Wooly Neptunes in my hand. "Yeah, no... he's right about the stems."

····[]····

We had the ceremony at the fire right at dusk, when it got cold fast and everybody put on layers at once, so by the time the pledges lined up the whole camp looked like we were modeling for a Northface photo shoot. The Johns had their hoodies up over their heads and stood together on the far side of the fire with their hands tucked in the front pockets, looking like three monks.

Evan stood on a stump with the clipboard.

"Bigs and Littles. Two at a time. Bring your offering."

The pairs went up one after another. Evan had each Big hold their bag open and hand over their card, before he waved them toward the fire. Some kid put a whole handful in and the fire spat green for a second and everybody went "ohhh." 

One pair had brought back what was clearly a pinecone and Evan looked into that bag for a long time, and then waved them on without comment. We went up and I dropped mine in and Theo dropped his in and we stood back and watched them curl up and blacken.

Theo stayed at my right shoulder, facing the fire, and said out the side of his mouth without turning his head, "Thank god we're not eating these."

"You know it, gentlemen," Brody said, loud, and he stepped up to Evan with the bag held out in both hands.

Evan took it, opened it, and tipped it toward the fire so the light hit whatever was inside. He looked at the bag. He looked at the card in Seth's hand. He looked back at the bag.

"These..." he said, lifting the bag of mushrooms, "are not these."

He held up the card.

"They're brown," Brody said.

"So is bullshit."

Evan handed the bag off to one of the Johns and looked at Seth, and Seth already had his hands up, like he had been expecting this.

"Sacrifice," Evan said.

I watched Brody's eyes widen. All the non-freshman among us repeated it back to him at once, a big, deep-voiced group chant of it, "Sac-ri-fice, Sac-ri-fice..." 

I felt it start in the back of the crowd the same way I had felt it my own pledge year, when Chris was the one standing in front of everyone with the wrong bag. The freshman all joined in the chant as well, even though they didn't know what was about to happen. Group-think is real. 

Guys stood up off the logs, and out of the dark all at once and closed around the two of them. Seth pulled his own hoodie off over his head before anybody could do it for him and pitched it at me, then his shirt, and stood there bare-chested in the cold with his arms out while somebody worked his shorts down to his boots. 

Brody stood there while it happened to him, letting them unzip his fleece, letting them tug his shirt up, one arm and then the other. His mouth hung open. When his shorts came down he looked down at himself like he was checking that his dick and balls were still attached. They were there, thick and meaty between his big thighs, despite the cold. He looked like a shorter version of Seth, with muscles bunched up in different areas. Big, meaty glutes, and a large chest.

Then the guys got under them. Six pairs of hands under Seth, six under Brody, and both of their naked bodies went up over everybody's heads at the same time, flat on their backs like they were floating.

Seth crossed his arms behind his head and let them carry him.

Brody grabbed the wrists of the two guys nearest his shoulders and did not let go, his eyes huge, and I watched his bare ass bob past me in the dark at eye level.

"Is it deep," he said, up at the sky. "Somebody tell me if it's deep."

"It's deep," Seth said from the other side of the crowd. "And cold."

They went down the slope toward the dock in one lurching wave of flashlights, shouting, and I watched both of them hit the water at the end of it, one big splash and then a second one right behind it, and then Brody's voice came up out of the pond, high and boyish.

"IT'S SO COLD."

I watched Brody struggle momentarily, while Seth easily got his bearings, quickly swimming over to the poor freshman to wrap an arm around him, guiding him to the dock. 

They came back up the hill dripping, with towels over their shoulders holding their clothes in bundles in front of their crotches, the male modesty instinct kicking in when it was that cold. Seth walked straight through the crowd to me, his bare ass facing the boys with the water running down his mountainous cheeks.

I placed an arm around him and shoved his hoodie into his hands. "Good job."

····[]····

It was too late to do anything about it when I realized that everyone else had brought a two-man for their pair, and I had brought nothing for me and Theo.

"I got a three-man," Seth said next to me. "It normally only fits two when one of them is me. But you guys can hop in, I guess."

"Should one of us just sleep under the stars?" Brody said, and the first drops of rain hit the tops of our heads at literally that moment.

He just sighed.

"Four of us in a three-man?" I muttered to Seth.

"Guess we'll have to squeeze," he said without looking at me, smirking. I saw Theo swallow nervously on the other side of him.