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Your Lie in April Ep 20 (Patreon)

Published:
2026-06-23 00:00:06
Edited:
2026-08-17 19:24:13
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  • 685405890.mp4

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Hello Patreon family! I hope you enjoy my detailed psychological analysis of episode 20 of Your Lie in April! I am absolutely devastated by the end of the episode. I thought I was used to the show and its emotional intensity by now, but nothing could have prepared me for the end of the episode...

My main takeaways from the episode

1) I am totally devastated by the end of the episode. Did I already mention that in the introduction? Well, because I absolutely did. I am in denial and disbelief at the impressive yet heartbreaking delivery of the series and its writing, especially as we approach the end

2) Last week, I said, as long as we keep struggling, there is hope; I am unsure what to say after this week's episode; I hope we make it through next week's season finale of episodes 21 and 22 together

3) I do not think hope is about the size of the certainty, but the community and people we share that hope with, by depending on each other, especially through the lows, no matter how dwindling or fickle that dying light of hope may feel

I will see you all on the other side, next week, as we conclude one of the most poetically beautiful yet tragic series together~

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Comments

Jeremy Herttna

Now you know why I just didn't have much to say last week. You've already seen the end so you know that the "feels" train is just now pulling out of the station. I'm glad you were able to see this through to the end. It's tragic and heartbreaking, but it's still such a beautiful series. And I can't recommend it enough to people.

Waiting4Erik

“Reach him” - Tsubaki’s version of “Let it ring.” She’s not a pianist, but she does have an instrument. And when her heart is in agreement with her mind, the swings of her metal softball bat ring true. We heard it during her tournament and we hear it again this episode. Swinging a bat is her music - and she is a musician, too.

Waiting4Erik

Devastating ending as Kousei’s failed attempt to save the cat forces him to accept the painful truth: he is powerless to save Kaori. And he has to face this immediately after finally accepting that he loves her… Life is brutal and unfair.

Waiting4Erik

Aye, the emotional rollercoaster still has a few ups and downs left before coming full circle. But what a ride!

Psychotherapist Reacts

So true. Life was never guaranteed to be fair, and ain’t that the truth, yet here we are, all trying in our meaningful ways to

Soren

That look you gave to the camera at 33:15 priceless. Like you couldn’t believe what you were seeing.

Soren

To be clear. This is the kind of anime where you ask yourself every time you watch it “why am I doing this to myself.” But it’s such a… precious look at life. It’s not a fluff meaningless anime, it makes you want to appreciate your life.

Ginko 13

Awesome ! Can't wait to get here :) 🖤💚🤍

Jon Daux

There's something deeply profound and unsettling about a moment. To watch you watching this, knowing that in the mind of the you I am watching on screen, Kaori is still alive. I can already see in the episode list the final episodes, where Kaori is not alive. Even though we all know it's going to happen, it hasn't yet, and even though there's no possible action anyone can take that will erase it, it still hasn't happened yet and both the you in this reaction and I are acting as if it hasn't happened yet. It will though, and I know that in a few hours, or maybe tomorrow if I end up having chores to do, I'll be watching you watch her die and then the aftermath that comes with it. It reminds me of something I think of every night, that one day I'll be in the exact moment where I take my own last breath. One day, I'll be living in a moment where those I love aren't alive anymore, and everything I've experienced with them will be immutable. There's nothing anyone can do; that moment will come. I'll be in that moment, and even though now I'm just sitting at a desk, with that future still ahead of me... it's something of a motivation for me, that everything in the future will happen instantly and there's nothing anyone can do about it. I can only feel dread about that, but much like us as we watch Kaori die, we can't feel as if it has already happened yet. It's probably denial, a denial necessary to live. Maybe that denial is life itself. That's what this show, and others like it, teach me. I'm looking forward to watching those final episodes.

Psychotherapist Reacts

Oh wow I want whatever dinner you had. On a serious note, this reminds me of what a famous Japanese philosopher once said, “we all experience two separate deaths, the physical decay of our cells and physical embodiment, and the second, ultimate, death, of nobody on earth that remembers us, and the memories that we once existed, no more.”

Jon Daux

Haha, one of the blessings of being a writer is that I can articulate my feelings. I recommend roast dinner LOL. I love that saying about a person's many deaths. It's actually unclear who said it: most people believe it was Ernest Hemingway, but the psychologist Irvin Yalom wrote about a similar concept. Evidence suggests it was first mentioned in ancient Egyptian writings, there's also a Roman who wrote about it but I don't remember their name. I'm not sure I recall any Japanese philosphers writing about this, so let me know if you remember their name!