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Written in the Stars - The Order of the Phoenix (Patreon)

Published:
2022-12-18 14:00:05
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Things really will begin to pick up pace after this chapter with some nice actions scenes to come in the next...

Comments

Luthanor

The 3 paragraph exposition that potter had telling people who fought the last war about the need to take it seriously and be willing to kill was a bit hard to swallow. It’s like someone who has never driven a car telling race car drivers what is necessary to perform, that last story where potter fought in the war was so much better in terms of character growth and a being more reliable. Potter in this one has had plot armour dropped on him a few times, which I have no problem with, but lectures from people who have not actually done anything but have lengthy interactions telling people how he will kill them all and about how he is not one to be messed with is too similar to poorly written naruto stories where 13 yr olds can fight toe to toe with gods

Alan Bond

I like the direction but I feel its starting to become repetitive especially the speeches people keep giving about the war and Harry's speeches about doing whatever's necessary its falling into the old trap of telling but not showing. Other than that I'm loving the relationships between the characters and am looking forward to how the lucinda situation is solved. Edit: sorry if this came off as a bit abrupt I didn't mean it to I've loved most of your books so far and want to see you continue to improve as a writer, plus your one of the best hp fanfic authors out there and I need my fix : ) Edit 2 : also forgot to mention but you've made great improvements on fleshing out the female characters and gifting them greater personality's. I only mention this because I'm re-reading Honour thy blood (great book btw) and realised the only slight flaw was that the female characters tended to converge into being very similar.

That Guy

This story is all over the place. We’ve been inside the heads of secondary and tertiary characters way more than Harry’s, which makes it difficult to connect. The descriptions are lacking in detail, yet we have no shortage of repetitive monologues. WTRBA was sprawling and complex too, but it was a lot more focused. Honestly, if it weren’t on this site I’d wonder if an imposter was posting the story under TBR’s profile.

I am lord dems

I wonder what the malfoy's punishment will be when the dark find out that draco is not the next lord black but Harry is. What will be Bellatrix's reaction especially after she finds out what he is like is she more a DE or a Black

RyanMK666

Hmm Narcissa lying to Bella when she knows Harry is to be lord black feels odd, heck even malfoy knows his son isn’t heir now after the World Cup confrontation I thought, apart of me is beginning to feel rather disconnected from this story because we’re seeing a lot more POV’s from people that aren’t Harry compared to your other stories, where it was certainly more Harry and other main characters but he it’s like 20% Harry 10-15% very important secondary characters and 65-70% characters that not a lot of us really care about, I don’t know maybe im exaggerating but this story at this point feels like Harry is a side character almost. Don’t get me wrong I’m enjoying it, thorough so, just thought I’d give my opinion of the last couple chapters.

Sunny

'That Guy' speaks to harshly, as I wouldn't say that the story is all over the place. The chapters have been written well, it flows chronologically, if you've read every chapter properly, and the authour has introduced new concepts (Thunderbird death) and OCs (Cain, Lucinda, Zabini & Summerbee neice EDT) and OOCs like Cassie and Gellert. Unfortunately, I agree with 'RyanMK' that there's pov of characters that most people don't care about. Anyway, thank you for the chapter Mr McCusker and I look forward to the next one. p.s. I hope you've recovered now from Covid

RC

Odd that this chapter tipped the scales for people being unsatisfied when nothing has been mentioned in previous chapters really. I would hazard a guess that there are multiple differences in this story and your others that are causing it. A) formative schools years in detail to establish growth. B) Majority of OCs that require character development. C) A lack of action or direct confrontations thus far with Harry. .. I dont mind the varying pov’s but can understand that if you take the story on an individual chapter basis with a limited amount of harry pov that it could be disappointing since he is the main character but that is of course due to the need to develop the scope of characters and the plot. Perhaps if chapters were longer that could be avoided but then the update frequency would suffer. I would recommend readers go back periodically and re-read what has thus far been written to satisfy the lack of sudden progress which is unrealistic. These stories take in entirety a year+ to be released, have some patience. The only gripe i will agree with is the seemingly repetitive dialogue from harry about the war and how he will smite all followers of the dark lord, this chapter only highlighted this because harry reiterated it with dumbledore, the order and amelia in 3 separate convos. At this point its like he is psyching himself up to take the plunge and id honestly like for a character to speak up and call his bluff eventually. Besides this I am enjoying the story, look forward to updates and thank you for the content.