No Diet November 2025 - 9 (Patreon)

Looks like you guys struck a bit of a nerve trying to make eClaire explode :v. Keep it up!

Chonk-Maker Smashburger Sliders

These mini monsters pack sweet Hawaiian roll softness with crispy, tallow-seared beef bombs, gooey cheese, buttery caramelized onions, and a sauce so fattening it'll make your scale weep. Tiny sliders = dangerous "just one more" territory. Perfect for maximum gains, minimum effort.

Makes: 12 sliders (or 6 if you're committed) Prep: 15 min Cook: 20 min Regret Level: Zero

Ingredients

Beef Patties:

2 lbs ground beef (80/20), formed into large meatballs with seasoning mixed in

Generous use of Nature's Seasonings (a Morton's Salt seasoning mix found in most groceries) for seasoning, take care not to oversalt. If you can't find it, Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder to taste.

The Rest:

12 Hawaiian sweet rolls (split in half, keep connected for easy assembly)

1/2 cup beef tallow (for that deep, beefy sear)

2 large onions, thinly sliced (to caramelize)

12 slices American cheese

Butter for toasting rolls

Burger Sauce:

½ cup mayo

2 Tbsp ketchup

1 Tbsp yellow mustard

1 Tbsp pickle relish

1 tsp Worcestershire

Pinch garlic powder + salt (Mix—creamy, tangy, calorie-packed perfection)

Instructions

Pre-Season Beef: Gently mix salt, pepper, and garlic powder (or Nature's Seasonings) into ground beef. Form into 12 loose 2-3-oz balls (about golf ball size); don't overwork or they'll toughen up.

Caramelize Onions: Medium-low heat, melt 2 Tbsp tallow, add onions + pinch salt. Cook 15 min, stirring, till golden and sweet. Set aside.

Smash Time (No Smasher Hack): Heat cast-iron or heavy skillet screaming hot with the rest of the tallow. Place beef ball on skillet, top with parchment paper square, then smash flat as thin as you can using a large heavy plate; press hard and evenly for crispy edges! Once flattened, remove the plate and parchment paper square. Cook 2 min undisturbed, flip, cook 1 min more. Repeat in batches.

Assemble: Butter and toast Hawaiian rolls. Slather sauce on both sides, pile on 1-2 patties with cheese + heap of caramelized onions. Squish and devour. 1 Patty should cover 4 rolls, perfect for tearing apart.

Serve with fries and your favorite gainer milkshake!