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Chasing Charlie | Page 17 | Draft (Patreon)

Published:
2022-12-13 17:00:10
Imported:
2026-06
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I think this bit needs rework to make the pacing work better. I want a little spacing between Charlie leaving in Josh's memory and Charlie coming back. What do you think?


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Jthem

I think a little extra space would work. To give us one more moment with Josh alone before Charlie comes back.

Deep Fleeceheart
>>97498839

Yeah, this! And if you can trick the reader into thinking "Charlie's gone, but Josh is gonna be okay" the payoff seeing Hot Doctor Charlie will be that much sweeter.

Trepta

I think the pacing is okay. If I could make a recommendation I would say, instead of "But he wanted to--" maybe consider "I can't believe he kept my numbe--." It's less direct and it keeps up the facade that Josh is drinking about Charlie and not anxiously waiting to see him again, for just a couple seconds longer. :)