"There's a Chance You Might Be Bi" (Patreon)

Hey everybody!Another musical episode, another song by Dr. Samuel Bultch...hang on. This one's NOT written by Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S.? Is that...? Is that allowed???Okay, well.

Here's A.J.'s message for his 14 year old self that might have saved him a WHOLE lot of time.

-Cool Voltaire“There’s a Chance You Might Be Bi”

Music by Stephen SondheimLyrics by A.J. Ditty

A.J.:

THERE’S A CHANCE YOU MIGHT BE BITHERE’S A NOT IMPROBABLE CHANCEYOU MIGHT BE BI

WHEN YOU’RE REALLY SHYBUT YOU’RE JUST BRODOING THEATER PLAYSTHAT WILL HELP YOU GROWLITTLE MORE THAN A GLANCEIS ENOUGH TO SHOW THEMJUST HOW STRAIGHT YOU ARE!

WHEN YOU’RE REALLY SHYBUT YOU’RE HONRT AS HELLAND THE BAKER’S WIFEMAKES YOU FEEL SWELLAND THE WITCHHAS CAST HER SPELL AS WELL   YOU’D LOVE  TO FRENCHON THEIR FORBIDDEN TRENCHEXPLORING THINGS YOU ALWAYS SOUGHTBUT THEN THAT THOUGHTGETS SUDDENLY FRAUGHT:

THE PRINCE, THE WITCH, AND THE BAKERIN YOUR BEDTHE PRINCE, THE WITCH AND THE HORNY BAKERGIVING YOU HEAD

CAUSE THEY GOT THOSE BUTTSAND THEY GOT THOSE BREASTSAND THEY LET YOU SPOONIN THEIR WELL-TONED CHESTSAND YOU THINK THINGS NOW THAT YOU NEVERTHOUGHT BEFOREMAYBE YOU’RE BI?

ONLY NO YOU THINKTHAT CAN’T BE RIGHTIT’S GIRLS THAT MAKEMY HEART TAKE FLIGHTBUT THE PRINCE STROLLS IN WITH THOSE NAUGHTY TIGHTSTHAT MAKE YOUR CARGO’S BUNCH!

AND YOUR HEART IS AIRAND YOUR DICK IS STONEAND YOU’VE NEVER BEEN MORE DOWN TO BONEAND IT’S THEN THAT YOU REAPALL THE SEED YOU’VE SEWNAS YOU LET OUT A SIGHAND A BREATHY MOANTHE FUN’S BEGUNYOU STEAL SOME TISSUESTHEN RUN

AND YOU MAKE IT HOMEAND YOU LOOK BELOWAS THE DICK YOU KNOWBEGINS TO GROW

THE CHAIR, THE SOCK, AND THE LOTIONLOCK THE DOORTHE CHAIR, THE SOCK AND THE THOUGHTSYOU NEVER THOUGHT TO EXPLORE.

AND YOU THINK OF ALL OF THE MENYOU’VE SEENAND YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE SOMEWHEREIN BETWEENAND YOU’RE SOFT AGAINONLY DIFFERENTTHAN BEFOREPROBABLY BI

THERE’S A CHANCE YOU MIGHT BE BITHERE’S A NOT IMPROBABLEAWESOMEVEINYFABULOUS CHANCE THATYOU ARE BI!!!