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Skiagraphia XIII (Patreon)

Published:
2015-07-17 06:57:59
Edited:
2015-07-18 07:39:22
Imported:
2026-10

Content

Skiagraphia XIII

This chapter was like choreographing a one set play in real time; since it takes place almost entirely in two 'rooms' and people are leaving and coming back constantly (I really hope there's no continuity errors with who's in certain places at certain times). Plus there's important info and lots of alien names getting thrown around like nobody's business, so...that is why it took so daaaannnng long so form it into something coherent. Sorry about that!

Bonus stuff soon, and I still am aiming for a Chiaroscuro chapter this month as well (if I can't it'll be in August).

(I think the continuity error is fixed now...hopefully. If you didn't read the chapter when it was there, pay no attention to this note! These aren't the droids you're looking for, you can go about your business.)

Files

Comments

W0llen

You ended this chapter on a cliffie on purpose, didn't you! Arrgh.. :P I'm glad Keyd is back though! Dealing with Aleif and then the whole Oenclar council later on is probably going to be rough I guess. Hopefully peace will be reached soon... I loved how Alan, Ansa and Rhet interacts with each other (and I kind of want more), and I really like how Alan is not used to giving orders. Poor Damao, once again... x) There is something missing on the 21st page; "It only matters how Keyd and Aleif do. And to them, you All within the next couple of minutes," Also, I don't understand how Keyd can still have his bejji. Can't wait for more :D

Teromain

Omg you're right, he can't have it. That part was written earlier and meant to HAPPEN earlier, that is a huge mistake!

lonealien

Overall, the chapter was good. There are a few places where there seem to be sentences missing. I was also wondering how could Keyd send his bejji to communicate with Damao if he has no oen? Besides that, i'm looking forward to finding out what happens next.

Teromain

Yeah, it's a mistake. Comes from rearranging and rewriting big parts of the chapters. I'm going to try to fix it as soon as I can! Not surprised about missing sentences either, I really wanted to get this out so I didn't look at it as carefully as I could have

lonealien

Yeah it's okay. I realize that you were rushing to get this one out. I appreciate you making that effort and it's still fairly understandable as a chapter. I also like the development in Alan, Rhet and Ansa's relationship.

W0llen

It's fine, honestly! I'm really curious as to how you're going to explain how Keyd contacted Damao (or where else he's going to hide, and with who's help)

Teromain

It'll go througj beta and I'll likely tighten it up a lot before it gets publicly posted, but I fully admit it's messy right now. Deciding to submit to another anth increased my workload by more than I thought it would

Teromain

It's actually a pretty easy fix, I just have no access to a computer (only a phone) right now and editing it is hard! I've changed the main conversation already but probably need to add more info too. I'm glad you liked the chapter though!

Kevin Wotipka

OK, typos, fixes and frustrations aside, I really enjoyed this chapter, and seeing Alan step in where he needs to maintain order in his private circle there. I've a feeling he's going to be doing that more than he wants. :D Also, if I'm reading it correctly, the train is maglev? or something like? Probably going just under the speed of sound from the description too. There definitely needs to be more scenes between just Alan and Rysa, because their chemistry is so good. I feel Rysa got better fleshed out as a person in the course of the chapter (she probably doesn't feel she's Aleif's equal and maybe isn't, and that could cause some of her doubt and uncertainty) and so did Rhet and Ansa (bless their bickering little hearts). And yet even with all that's happened it feels like we're still on chapter one of a much larger story (in that we're always wanting more, more, more--not at all a bad place for a story to be) that's probably too big to ever get told in its entirety. Big enough to last the lifespan of the author, certainly. You need to find a bigger audience. Well, that was kind of all over the place. Good thing I'm not a writer. :D

Brianna

!!! Where do I start? OMG cliffhanger!!! The horror! I am sure Alan's pulse sped at the sight of Keyd. :) Thanks for this chapter. The update had me so excited I didn't mind that there were several instances where a sentence started but then disappeared after a comma. Aleif is right, Rysa is acutely aware of how much they all have in common, as one people albeit with opposing entities. It was cute how Rysa was trying to figure out the best way to make her argument without knowing much of anything about Aleif. I had to laugh out loud when Rhet was annoyed by how chipper their guide was. And the hand holding between Rysa and Damao aww.

Teromain

It is a bit of a cliffhanger, yep! Originally it didn't end there but I took a chunk off the end because the pacing was better that way. :) Alan will definitely react real strongly at the start of the next chapter! Rysa and Alan are actually the people who understand both cultures best (despite Alan's minimal exposure to the clarbach, he's seen both cultures from an 'outside' perspective) and obvious Rysa really straddles the two races and is personally involved deeply with both. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! :) And it was a bit of a rush job, hence those pesky typos and unfinished sentences, which I still have to fix!

Teromain

Alan will be doing more of that kind of thing in both the near and further future. :) The train is basically a maglev, yeah. Alan's probably overestimating the speed because he does that, but it's about the speed of the fastest shinkansen bullet train (which can be up to 186 mph, so not quite as fast as the speed of sound!). This is one of the big reasons I changed how this section of the story went (removing Keyd), not only to give Alan and Rysa more scenes together which they've definitely been missing, but also to get into her background and personal issues a bit more. In rewrites I'll probably add more stuff with her past and just how she fits in with the oenclar too, but right here it's very relevant, and I wanted to give Rysa a lot of agency (as well as Alan) and highlight how important she actually is now in the hierarchy of the government (which even she didn't really realize until this happened). I probably have endless stories to write in this universe, which is good because I like the world a lot! Definitely enough to last my whole life writing things for it, especially because I'm so s l o w at getting things written!

W0llen

Just saw the fix, I don't know why but I was expecting something more complicated x) Ugh I know it's awful on the phone..

Teromain

Haha yeah, it was very easy! I had already meant to change it but it just got overlooked... :)

Alex

Ahh, I was so excited to read this!! Oh man, one of the things I just loved about what's going on right now in the story is the intense political drama. And this chapter absolutely satisfied! When you revealed that Alief and Maedajon actually met up up in past I swear my jaw actually dropped, I did not expect that at all. Completely floored and pumped! I was also excited to read about Maedajon and Maedestin's relationships with the worthies and how it contributed to the current political situation. I'm also wondering what's happening in Lojt between Arirsanya and Eldronrhet--maybe I read wrong/am assuming too far, but it seems like them trying to split the city between themselves might lead to a rivalry/splinter their support base? There were a lot of smaller interactions that I liked, as well. Rhet getting sort of aggressively irritated at Damao not actually knowing where Keyd was, the brother/sister relationship with Ansa/Rhet, and Alan and Rysa holding hands at the end of the chapter. I like seeing scenes that show their friendship, it's great! (: I liked how Ansa referred to Alan as an alien at one point too, that made me laugh. Also, I can say with some certainty that train sounds horrifying with the disappeary walls, holy shit!

Teromain

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Definitely most of the story from here on out is super politics, not that it hasn't been already, but even more of it! Bigger and more far-reaching even, especially now that Aleif is involved (I;m glad that was a surprise too). I'd love to write some sort of story about the actual war that made them leave Clarylon, with Maedestin and Maedajon, I just have no time at all! I could write endless stories about all the events that get mentioned in this series. And you're basically right about Arirsanya and Eldronrhet - they worked together to achieve a goal and then once they kiiiind of got it they both went "NO, MEEEE!" and now won't listen to each other and each think /they're/ the best for ushering in a new era in the oenclar government. Even if Keyd and co.'s situation is bad, so is theirs for different reasons (mostly their own pride). I'm glad you liked all the personal little interactions as well; I really love a lot of these slightly more minor characters like Rhet and Ansa (which is why they're getting their own future book too) and try to give them a bit of highlighting when I can. And also just having people cultivate strong friendships; I like friendships dynamics a lot so having Alan entirely with people who are platonic relations but care deeply about him/each other is a fun thing. I would be terrified by disappearing train walls too. It's supposed to like a 'natural experience' for locals, who are used to it and like it.