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Skiagraphia XIII: Alternate scene (Patreon)

Published:
2015-07-21 03:38:09
Imported:
2026-10

Content

Skiagraphia XIII: Alternate scene

Bonus content! This is an alternate version of part of the most recent chapter; basically if Keyd was there. It was the original version of how everything happened, which I decided to change. There's a little bit more of a detailed explanation in the document itself.

I was intending to have something like this for the LAST chapter too, but so much of those events were not fully written, and this part was about 90% complete so I didn't feel as though I was wasting time writing a scene that's not actually part of the story. It's about 4.5k words.

Files

Comments

A. Mori

It's an interesting comparison to get an idea of how things would have been with and without Keyd there. As adorable as Alan and Keyd are together, I like the choice you went with in the full chapter; it's great to see Alan deal with the situation independently and take more responsibility, and also to see how Rysa copes with being forced into a position of such authority. Also regarding the full chapter (which I forgot to comment on), I really enjoyed the interactions between Alan and Rysa, and Rhet and Ansa. You're brilliant at putting together characters who have great chemistry and/or play really well off each other. Oh, and I have to ask quickly. This line towards the end, "His fingers scratched lightly through the hair on my face and moved, drawing up into the hair on my hands and threading it between his knuckles." Is it supposed to say the hair on his HANDS? Because I now have some rather bizarre mental images of Alan having flowing locks growing from his palms. :p

Teromain

Yeah, a lot of these scenes were written 4-5 years ago, when I knew where things were going to be eventually but not exactly how the characters themselves would be when I actually reached it. Taking Keyd out made a lot more sense when I actually got to this part, for pacing and characterization and pretty much everything. Since I /like/ a lot of the interactions they have here (like talking to each other alternately in Isji and English, and Keyd liking Alan's beard, tiny little details like that) they'll probably be co-opted into future chapters. But the situation with Rysa and Alan taking charge, directly after Keyd had a big in-charge moment of his own, makes them all a lot more equal in their own agency and in the whole situation even if they're forced into it rather than choosing it - they're still obviously capable of handling things without Keyd around. Annnd yes that's a terrible typo. :D Fixed now! Thanks for point it out. ;) You can see how busy I am by the amount of really dumb and easily fixable things that are winding up in these recent posts.

A. Mori

Yeah, it's really good to see Rysa and Alan show they're more than capable on their own. There are far too many stories out there where similar situations occur and all the other characters fall apart and forget how to function. I've always admired the fact that there's a big emphasis on equality between characters in your works. :) You could always have left the typo and made it canon that Alan has super-hairy hands. I bet nobody would have expected that. XD Everybody makes silly typos and mistakes, don't worry about it.

Teromain

There's definitely a reason Keyd picked Rysa to be his right-hand person, putting her right in the next most powerful position after himself (and the artaln, but their artaln right now is a baby, so not a very useful leader haha) and it wasn't all because of her being his best friend/basically sister. He knows she's capable and could step up like this if it ever needed to happen. He could have just had her on the gheret otherwise and it wouldn't have given her so much responsibility. I definitely value equality in my characters, especially those that have close relationships with each other (be it romantic or not) and I think pretty much all my stories have that as some kind of theme, so I'm glad it shows and is appreciated! :D Haha all I can think about is the whole 'if you masturbate too much you'll grow hair on your palms' old wives' tale. Alan what have you been up to

A. Mori

I wish more authors shared your attitude and put as much thought in when creating characters. Particularly those who write m/m fiction and seem to think, "women and straight people are gross, they can only be in my story as straw man antagonists. And gay couples only ever consist of a big, manly 'top' and a small, effeminate 'bottom'." >_> Maybe Alan missed Keyd more than he let on. XD At least he could claim hairy palms are a sign of manliness or something back on Earth, and most clar would probably take his word for it.

Teromain

Aw yeah, I wish that wasn't still a problem in some places. I am seeing less of it than I used to, but I also back out of stories immediately if that's what it looks like is going to happen, so I may be underestimating how often people still insist on broad 'seme' and 'uke' roles or sideline women into very minor roles or obstacles or evil bitches. But I think it'd definitely better then when I started writing m/m stuff! Alan could get away with so much by claiming "it's an Earth thing" if he was actually inclined to lie in general. But it literally never occurs to him to do so, haha. He could prank Keyd really good all the time if that was more of his personality . :D