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Obscura II (Patreon)

Published:
2016-05-17 04:58:17
Edited:
2016-08-25 04:55:08
Imported:
2026-10
Tags:

Content

Obscura II

Woooooow finally this is here it was supposed to go up TWO MONTHS ago but I've honestly had the worst last two months. I really had a LOT of this chapter done and it should have been much easier to finish. But I actually did not write a single word in April. Nothing at all for any story. So that's...how that month went for me. 

I honestly cannot apologize enough for how long this took me, how I kept saying it was going to be posted and then it never was, and it makes me feel like I should post more personal stuff that's going on with me so that I don't look like a total flake when shit like this happens, but then again I know no one really wants to hear that kind of stuff and mostly it just ends up being kind of depressing and that's not the attitude I want to portray and I've already been told that I do. But real life just took a breather for a moment and then decided to round-house kick me and then upper-cut me, so...again, I'm SO sorry, and more stuff will be coming soon, and I hope to NEVER fail this badly again at getting things done. But it was Murphy's Law for like two straight months.

And there's probably continuity errors and not the exact tone I wanted to get across all through this chapter because I just so, so, SO wanted to get it done. I apologize for all that as well, and I'll come back to try and polish it up better.

Files

Comments

Potatoe

Ahhh I can't wait for the next chapter. This was great. I kept sort of rooting for them to get through to Keyd's dad and be the heroes, save the day, even though I knew what was really going to happen.

Alex

Ahhh, this is awesome! (: I swear your updates are just always amazing and absolutely worth waiting for. There are tons of things that I'm loving about Obscura, and one of them is just getting to read things in Keyd's voice. I feel like you're really awesome at the first person overall and I love seeing the differences in the way his and Alan's POV is written. I loved the overall mood of the chapter too! It felt sort of on edge and frazzled, but in a good way? I like the way you wrote the chase/battle panic it was very exciting and fun to read! Also, is this the first time that Dahne's been mentioned as having an antshil partner? Now I'm all interested/curious about that too! It makes me laugh how even now Keyd just really is not Arirsanya's biggest fan. Like it's almost like he's trying really hard not to hate him but it's just failing miserably. The line about it being "somewhat unfortunate" he wasn't caught in the mudslide was pretty great and I loved it haha. I also liked getting to see sort of from the inside how the oenclar military works, that's awesome! Just the perspective is already so different from what we see from Alan's POV that I'm just pumped lol. I also liked seeing more how the antshil bond actually works between Keyd and Rysa, in terms of communication, sharing images/sensations and stuff like that. And I feel like the chapter ended really strong too! I thought it was great to give them the brief moment of relief where they'd managed to escape everything.... AND THEN NOPE. It was just really well done. You're the best at artfully done cliffhangers. Also I don't mind waiting at all for chapters and I'm sure a lot of other people don't either! The shit going on in your life isn't your fault. We've all been in rough places where bad things keep happening.

Teromain

Sneak peak soon! Alan's gonna be in it ohoho~ But yeah, it's kinda of like....it almost seems like things are gonna go well! Unless you've read the other series.

Potatoe

Yesss. I love all this sort of backstory to what happened stuff, but I'm also SUPER EXCITED to see Keyd's perspective on things we've already seen. Especially in the first book, when he was really quiet and kept most of his thoughts to himself. EDIT: I replied to the wrong thing. Whoops.

Teromain

Haha I'll reply to you're second comment again here - his perspective on his and Alan's first (technically second, but the one where they actually hold a conversation when Keyd shows up at his apartment) meeting is probably going to seem hilarious because of Keyd's attitude and thoughts, contrasted to what Alan's were.

Teromain

Ahh thanks as always! :DDD This was a damn long wait too, this was supposed to be up in March -_- 1st person is actually my least preferred perspective to write from (and of course my biggest series is in it, hurhur) but this is fun because Alan and Keyd are super different, and originally I picked 1st for Alan's story because I really wanted a reader to be stuck close to him and finding stuff just as weird and shocking as he was, instead of being removed to a 3rd person. And now of course doing Keyd's POV, which wasn't a plan for a long time, they're so different in voice that it's really interesting. Alan talks a ton and thinks…enough, and Keyd talks so little but thinks CONSTANTLY about EVERYTHING. Even in the dialogue in this chapter and the last, he says very little. All his other words are just THOUGHTS. This is the first time in the /story/ that Dahne's been mentioned to have an antshil partner, but who knows when or where I mentioned it before (I have, I just couldn't tell you at what point or in what form or on what website). The reason for that is (if you don't want spoilers, skip to the entire next paragraph)--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------that her antshil partner is killed, in THIS battle. Along with Darban and Hahd's brother, who Keyd briefly saw in the first chapter. This is not a fight that goes well for the oenclar, at all. The actual fall out will be seen in Darban and Kir's story, as obviously they're present at this event, and then around directly afterwards whereas Keyd is not. Haha yeah Keyd is too emotionally battened down and expertly trained in social-military skills to be able to just admit he HATES this guy, even in his own head. He tries to tolerate Arirsanya very very hard, but Arirsanya doesn't help himself by being a giant douche all the time. And Keyd probably wouldn't like him much even if Arirsanya didn't start the hating on him first. Their conversation about "hey you're still alive" is basically a big double 'fuck you, wish you weren't' coming from both of them. In the most polite manner possible. The antshil bond is super different between Keyd and Rysa from it is between Alan and Keyd and Rysa, and that's because Alan doesn't have the entities and he's like a weird conduit in the middle of their bond, so that's why it seems COMPLETELY different here. But yeah, this is how it works. It's a weird limited telepathy via the entities, and the entities can't 'talk', so they can't transmit words, but they can transmit images (either ones the host is seeing, or envisioning) and emotional states or attitudes, and also influence each other in small ways (like how Keyd 'instinctively' looks up to see the scout, it was really the bond doing that). Antshil partners work out their own way of understanding how to communicate best with each other; Kir and Darban do it differently, Dahne and her antshil partner would also - like the entities, their communication methods fit the people. Alan can't do any of that stuff with the bond, he can just kind of sense them and he CAN get physical feelings from them or emotional states, but way less strong and he can't really transmit his own. I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter! Feels weird that Alan won't even show up until the next one but I think this additional backstory and grounding Keyd and Rysa in their own situations makes a lot more sense, especially compared to what they're going to deal with while they're on Earth.

Potatoe

Even having learnt so much about him through Alan, I can't really guess what his perspective will really be like. I'm excited!

Teromain

Just gotta remember that Keyd, at heart, is a doofus with no interpersonal skills.

Potatoe

How could I possibly forget? It's my number one favourite thing about him. The doofing can only intensify now that we're inside of his brain.

Teromain

He's doofy in BOTH their first interactions. The stuff going through his mind is so far from what Alan's thinking, but Keyd is actually not trying to come across like a scary asshole the way he actually does to Alan (obviously, when they talk about their first meeting at some point on Skiagraphia, Keyd is SURPRISED to learn that he scared Alan. because he's a doofus)

Potatoe

One day his people are going to find out their king is a huge dork. Being shy can only give you the illusion of being an aloof badass for so long, Keyd.

Teromain

Well everybody close to him starts to learn it, very very slowly. In the years after Skiagraphia he will get a lot more friendly with some of the good buy big name players in the books and they'll ALL be like wow he is...not what we thought at all. But this is good because who wants to be scared of their leader, we'll take king doofus of doofustania for sure

Potatoe

Every royal family needs a good secret.

Teromain

King Revealed To Be Huge Doofus! News at Eleven!

Potatoe

With an artist's rendition of him kissing Alan and smiling his dork smile.

Kevin Wotipka

OK, I really enjoyed this one. If you need a beta I'm available. I found a number of things to talk about in this first draft.

Teromain

I think you beta'd the first chapter, so if you want to keep on doing it I'll send you a link!

Nicky Silber

Oh my gawd! So goooood!!! I can see cliffhangers for Obscura are going to be a regular theme! Lol Oh wow, so intense! Their fear of Ahieel was positively palpable! Even though there were quite a few typos, it was still a remarkably good narrative and I can hardly wait to read the transition between them being in the middle of battle to all of a sudden waking up to Alan! They're going to be so confused! I can't wait!!! Well, I'll have to. But it'll be worth the wait!

Nicky Silber

Thanks again for busting your butt to get us this chapter! It was soooo worth it! Know that your fans appreciate you and will wait inordinate amounts of time for your genius! Next up better be the new Chiaroscuro chapter ;)

Teromain

Haha I didn't actually mean for there to be two cliffhangers in a row like this! I split these chapters up so originally this wasn't the ending of it. :) Not surprised there are a lot of typos, parts of this I went over and over and over again extensively because I was too exhausted to write new words, and then parts I rushed and barely looked at twice because I wanted to get it done so badly. I'll probably be going back over it in the next few days and trying to fix them. And the next chapter actually won't be Chiaroscuro, it'll be a chapter of a completely different story that I've been trying to rewrite for years and years now. It got second place in the poll after Obscura, so that's what I decided to do. That'll be for June, so Chiaroscuro will be July. A wait, but hopefully the bonus Keyd/Alan story this month will help!

Alex

lol "alan thinks... enough," that made me laugh. ahhh man, I can't resist spoilers, I always tell myself I'm not gonna read or w/e but hey. I am way too curious about all sorts of nonsense. (I have a million blocked tags on tumblr but half the time I end up choosing to see the damn post anyway lmfao) But oh man--do the clarbach join in that battle officially or are they trying to get the locals to do most of the fighting/absorb most of the damage? and yeah man I love this additional backstory stuff! it's so much fun :0 and I love learning more about all these other characters because this world is so awesome, ahhhh. and I'm super excited for Alan to show up so that we can see how all that went down from Keyd's POV!!

Teromain

He's not a bad thinker when he gets down to it, obviously, but yeah, sometimes not so much with the thinking with him. And Keyd is an over analyzer so....balance? Haha I know I always read spoilers too, there's not a lot of things that I'm ever like NO DON'T SPOIL ME. (I do the same thing on tumblr unless it's some fandom I can't staaaaaand) The clarbach really did make an alliance with these people and the way they did it was to tell them that if they helped them out, they'd get BOTH groups (oenclar and clarbach) out of their country, because the locals didn't want to play nice with them either but the clarbach offered to leave (a promise which they may or may not have kept) and the locals were seeing both races as an invading/colonizing force, so the clarbach sounded like the better choice. But the clarbach are definitely planning to take the brunt of the fight, but they used the locals because a) underground passageways and b) can't be sensed by the oenclar. This is actually a really DIRTY tactic, and usually neither side does this kind of thing, but the clarbach at this point in time have been doing pretty poorly against the oenclar in other worlds and are desperately needing to come out on top somewhere because they're actually running out of energy to use/bring back to their cities. So a trap/set-up/ambush is total dirty play for both sides but they're super desperate (and, SPOILERS! they do win on this world because this fight goes so badly for the oenclar that they just go FUCK IT and retreat). This was a loooong-ass answer for a short question but the clarbach deserve some explanation/backstory too, haha. Sneak peek is going to include Alan, and that'll be coming up pretty soon here. XD

Alex

I honestly don't know why I tag some fandom-related things because even if it's a show/thing I really don't like and don't want to see half the time I still have to click the "show post" button. man I love long ass answers to questions, I am always curious and want to know more about fictional worlds that I love! and I like being able to set the events of the series in a bigger world/timeline/history, so I am always down for long ass answers lmfao

Teromain

Sometimes something shows up as blocked and I'm like "why did I even block that" and it's because somebody like got really obsessed with something for like a month and posted non-stop, so I black-list "white collar" and then one day I'm like...dafuq I have nothing against that show, why did I block it? I am always ready to provide a long-ass answer as well. That's why I like doing the commentary and PDFs so much, since it's info that would just BORE PEOPLE if it was crammed all into the story but on it's own it might an interesting read or give some helpful little insights to things :)