Jessie's Journal (9/28/26) (Patreon)

Dear Journal:

198.

That’s what the scale in Mom and Dad’s bathroom read when I stepped on it this afternoon.  I’m officially under 200 pounds for the first time in my teenage life.

Even as I write it, a part of me refuses to believe it.  Surely the scale was calibrated incorrectly, or the batteries were dying and caused it to spit out random numbers in its death throes.  (Dr. Chen may have been hasty in suspending my therapy, because I clearly still have some self-doubt issues.)

Deep down, however, I know it was right.  Just like Dr. Chen was right that I shouldn’t weigh myself.  Of course, I mostly did it to spite him, which was stupid (and more evidence that I should still be in therapy), because as excited as I was to discover I was under 200 pounds, that fluttering thrill was immediately replaced by a pulse-pounding sense of dread.  I was carefree when I woke up this morning, but now all I can think about is being a cheeseburger away from tipping the scale back into lard ass territory.  Whatever weight I’ve lost has been added right back onto my shoulders in a single moment of weakness.

I had to tell someone about it, and since Dr. Chen isn’t available anymore, I told Rachel.  Of course, she didn’t see the problem.  She’s a sinewy string-bean who’s probably never had to watch what she eats (other than the fleeting instance before she shoves it in her mouth).  But she did say something that made me feel better…and provided me with more motivation than any pithy proverb Dr. Chen might have said.     

“Another 20 pounds or so and you’ll be the thin sister.”

--Jessie