I want to say something... (Patreon)

I know not everyone was able to watch my stream and here is the link:https://youtu.be/w5FCXusUnLM

I never asked you to support me like how I need it now. It is very difficult for me with everything that happens and I ask you to treat this information with understanding. I take a break to deal with my problems. Anyone who writes advice does not understand that this advice does not fit my position. I have a ton of problems with documents and health, and every time I sacrifice all this in order to somehow equalize my income, which means I make a video. I'm not a typical blogger who makes videos at home saying anything to the camera. I strive for quality and fundamentally try to do everything perfectly. As good as it sounds right now, you won't see it, because I release my videos very rarely now. But my psychological state is deteriorating, which significantly affects my illness. Medications apparently do not work for me and I feel worse every day.

I again want to appear to everyone as that cheerful guy who enjoys life, but the reality is different. If for this, when I lived in Ukraine, I could hide all this, now a lot of difficulties surround me and I drive myself away because I do not have enough income that I have. I live all the time on the money that I put aside and now I am very much afraid that everything will collapse and I will be left with nothing. But I have to take a risk because for the first time I put my health in first place and I want to take care of myself first, and then my activities.

Circumstances are forcing me to move from Germany. My last hope was in medicine, I wanted help...but no one cares. I did MRI tests and was told that the doctors couldn't compare my past scans and didn't want to do anything about it. But I feel in my condition that everything is getting worse. It becomes difficult for me to walk due to loss of coordination or dizziness. I don't want to talk about it much, because it will look like I want to complain a lot, but I want to give my reality. I had a lot of nervous breakdowns because of the documentation and the attitude toward me. Every day I fall asleep and wake up with anxiety because some news is waiting for me.

I have so many virtual friends who write to me “we are for you/we support your decision / do what you think is right”, but I feel lonely. I have very strong problems with my parents (and they do not even know about my problems, because we have broken communication). Now there will be holidays, and I have no one to even talk to. All those who read this are included in the list of my close people much more than those who are. It just so happens that I don't have any friends. And those who write something about Shiey do not understand that we agreed on the basis of exploring, and not friendship. If we meet, then film something, and not just talk. I'm surprised every time by how many people I have lined up behind me, but it's like it's not real. I am an internet person.

Sorry to bring bad news... I could just disappear and not post anything, but I want to show that I am a living person with my own problems. I want to be open to you whether it's joy or sorrow. But now I'm afraid that everything will turn away from me and everything will be lost. Right now, I'm not looking for advice or tips, because these are my difficulties to deal with and I want to speak out.