The holidays are finally gone (Patreon)

No matter how strange it may sound, I am very glad that the holidays are gone. It's tough and very enviable for me to look at people, how they receive gifts or celebrate with the whole family. At Christmas, I went to a family where I watched how they celebrate. It was my first Christmas celebration because, in my country, we celebrate the New Year more. In fact, there is no particular difference, everything that people do for Christmas, we do it for the New Year. And I was happy to be in that situation. It gave me pleasure to watch everything, but at the same time, sadness from the realization that I would not have such a thing. I had this only in my distant childhood, where we gathered with the whole family and celebrated, and now I am in a strange family and look at other people's emotions. I would like to say how old I became, that I began to become nostalgic for the past, but childhood emotions cannot be returned..

It's been almost a month since I said that I would take a break, but in fact, it was only in words. I can't stop working on everything. I recently went to shoot a serial video where I explore different places. But the surrounding problems have increased and I try to solve everything.

The most important thing in life is health, and mine is not perfect. Every time, I try to prove to myself how far I can go, but I also try to show it. But here's the other side, I can't show. I often feel very bad, but I don't want to give reasons to worry about myself. This is my problem and I want to solve it myself. I try not to ask for a lot of help because otherwise, I feel helpless. I really want to take care of myself, but how can I take care of myself when the doctors broadcast their indifference to me. From this, I ask myself the question “if they don’t care, then everything is not so bad with me and I just invent problems for myself.” But I think I just need to radically change everything in my life. I often think, during exploring, “it’s so dusty and dirty here, I need to go to some sanatoriums in order to cleanse my body of all the trash,” but it just ends with a thought. I can't force myself to take care of myself, because I have so many things to do. Yes, from the banalest, stupid earnings I need to take from somewhere.

About the problems with accommodation, I probably just keep silent. Everything is stable there - not stable. And I can't give any conclusions. I try to solve all the problems and at the same time not forget about work. Now I want to accumulate videos so that later I can post them regularly. This is very good for YouTube promotion, where a lot more people can see me.

I was surprised when I came here and saw that not many people unsubscribed from Patreon. Thanks to everyone here. You give me the opportunity to exist now, I am infinitely grateful to you.