New Lyrics: "Kristi Noem" (Patreon)

The rhyming is, shall we say, loose on this one. But I got the idea, and couldn't let it go, and if Danny Elfman can get away with it, I can too.

To the tune of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne

Kristi Noem just blew away her dog,

Kristi Noem just blew away her dog,

Hey, Donald Trump, can I come by after your speech?

(After your speech)

We can talk about fighting covid with bleach

(Inject that bleach)

Did your lawyers get back from their deposition

(Their deposition)

Trying to break the constitution, what a position

Now I know that you're auditioning who might be veep,

But I think that you should know, I’m not some ordinary creep....

Kristi Noem just blew away her dog,

A fourteen month old pup, who got hunting wrong

Then she went and smote the family's pet goat,

Responsible and calm, that's how she killed them, Kristi Noem.

The Republican Party is a bit insane

(A bit insane)

They approve of things most people would disdain

(Something wrong in the brain)

But even for them, there's crossing a line

(Crossing a line)

And I’m pretty sure they don't believe poochicide is fine

Starting with the Odyssey, books have had man’s best friend,

Does she know Old Yeller doesn't have a happy end?

Kristi Noem just blew away her dog,

She supports Trump's agenda and really wants a job

Kristi, can't you see you’ve offended everybody,

We all think that it's wrong, why did you do it, Kristi Noem?

Bridge

Kristi Noem just blew away her dog,

Did she never know that killing pets is wrong?

There's an action film franchise about how to treat these guys --

Dog killers don't last long, especially in politics

Kristi Noem just blew away her dog,

She’s no leader, she's just a demagogue

Kristi, can't you see your career is history,

Your new book is a bomb, you're just a loser, Kristi Noem.