New Song: "Columbus Comes" (Patreon)

This is intended as a corrective to the myth of Christopher Columbus, to be deployed on Indigenous People's Day. To the tune of "The Wellerman".

In fourteen hundred and ninety two,Columbus sailed the ocean blue,To find a route to the world that's newAnd bring back lots of gold.

Soon now, Columbus comesTo rob our people and steal our sons.Grab your spears and beat the drums,Make him turn tail and go.

Trade with Asia is what he sought,But planned to cheat them for what he boughtGet out of Dodge before he's caught And back to Spain he’d roll.

Soon now, Columbus comes

To steal our daughters, enslave our sons.Grab your spears and beat the drums,Make him turn tail and go.

He landed on the Dominican shore,And won a brief but nasty war,Then traveled on to Haiti forThe spices that would flow.

Soon now, Columbus comesTo take our lands with fire and guns.Grab your spears and beat the drums,Make him turn tail and go.

He made four trips to foreign lands,Enslaving the natives were his plans,If they fought, he’d cut off their handsHis body count did grow.

Soon now, Columbus comesTo kill, then call US barbarians.Grab your spears and beat the drums,Make him turn tail and go.

Queen Isabella had no clueOf the depths Columbus would sink to.When she found out, her anger grewNo funding she’d bestow.

Soon now, Columbus comesTo take our best and leave us crumbs.Grab your spears and beat the drums,Make him turn tail and go.

Through rape, disease, and genocide,He claimed a place that was occupied,No wonder that this land we strideWas named for Amerigo.

Soon now, Columbus comesTo rape our daughters and steal our sons.Grab your spears and beat the drums,Make him turn tail and go.

Soon now, Columbus comesWe won’t forget the things he’s done.Grab your spears and beat the drums,Make him turn tail and go.