New Lyrics: "All On Amazon" (Patreon)

To the tune of "On the Amazon" as performed by Don McLean.

There’s a danger zone, not a stranger zone

Than the simple shopping web page that I’ve set as home.

Full of virtual books, read on kindles, not nooks,

Oh, and, every other product for which... a per... son looks.

On... the...

Amazon, get Ninja slush machines

On the amazon, the hair gel styles and sheens

On the amazon, the television screens

Its calls... playing pranks for the LOL’s.

Earbuds all fit tight, and the XBox played

Minecraft and Fortnite, while The Seagates raid

Every terrabyte, and shoes are appliquéd

With dolls...

Every project starts with auto parts and... wrenches,

And the romance books have corset hooks and... wenches.

While the tiny house rounds out the shopping spree,

And the nerds buy stuff from Comixology

Oh, the Amazon is calling me.

Prime day, prime day,

Gotta get more on Prime day....

Oh the Amazon, the action figures fight,

On the Amazon, the aerogardens bite,

On the Amazon, Alexa sings all night,

Don't scream... she can hear what you dream.

You can get Whole Foods, three hundred sixty five

And sea monkey broods, the things are still alive,

And the tech reviews can really jump and jive

And meme....

Vicious mini Macs can all relax in hot tubs,

While the Lego bricks are forming cliques With dish scrubs.

Frantic yoga pants hang from trees and roofs

And the Yankovic sells downloads of his spoofs,

All on Amazon, enthralling,

On the Amazon, appalling,

My retirement fund is falling free.

Music: "On the Amazon" by Clifford Grey, Greatrex Newman, & Vivian Ellis