New Song: "Pianoman" (Patreon)

The ever-wonderful Lar DeSouza did another weird-ass cartoon, and I wrote a song having very little to do with it. I think.

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday,A family walks down the street,They just saw Zorro down at the cinema,When they're stopped by a thug packing heat.

He says, “Gimme your pearls and your wallet,Or I'll fill you both up with lead”,But a shadow then crosses the tableau,And a Steinway comes down on his head.

La la-la diddy dah, la-la diddy dah dah dum....

The family was saved by Pianoman,Now this timeline's skewed off to the right, ‘Cause without motivation for justice,Bruce Wayne never becomes the Dark Knight.

He was born in a terrible thunderstorm, Toxic chemicals rained from the sky,A vile solution of gunk and pollution Landing on a discarded Kawai.

And that keyboard looked up to the heavens,“I”m alive” was its very first thought,And its fate, supraliminal, was “I must fight criminals,A superstitious, unmusical lot.”

La la-la diddy dah, la-la diddy dah dah dum....

In due time, he had his own rogues’ gallery,The most villainous virtuosi around,Like the defrocked instructor known as the Conductor,Who Pianoman put in the ground.

There’s Detuner, Big Bass, and the Theramin,Doctor Octave was his toughest fight,There were Roland and Korg -- all were sent to the morgue,By our hero, con brio, upright.

This is the tale of Pianoman,Smiting evil wherever he can.His civilian I.D.’s still got 88 keys,He's a high-school maintenance man.

So this version of Gotham’s more peaceful,All the bad guys are filled with dread,There's no reason to park ‘em in prison or ArkhamWhen a concert grand lands on their head.

And he bangs out the William Tell Overture,Scaring criminals out of their wits,As he falls from the sky, hear his fierce battle cry,“For justice, Bach, Chopin, and Liszt!”

La la-la diddy dah, la-la diddy dah dah dum.

Saving the day, it's Pianoman,Play us a song tonight,'Cause the bad guys don't know how to handle youWhen you drop in for a fight.

Music: "Piano Man" by Billy JoelImage: "Piano-Man" by Lar DeSouza