New Song: "Woke Marxist Pope" (Patreon)

This was suggested by Kevin Clark, and I wrote it last year, when Pope Leo was invested. I kinda thought its time was past, but then the Regime -- especially J. D. Vance -- started lecturing the Pontiff on Catholicism. I'm a frickin' atheist, and I wouldn't dream of doing that. (I might argue a bunch of other stuff with him, but not the text of the doctrine of his own religion.) So, here we go.

Before he passed on,Pope Francis suggested you,Both of the mindsetOf “What would Jesus do?”Flashback, Chi-Town,You're filled with hope,White Sox, hot dogs,Someday being --

After the Conclave,Black smoke is turned to white.New name and new job,Pissing off the MAGA rightThey say no go,He’s too darn kind,They bitched and moaned and whined --

What they want’s an authoritarian guy,But we say nope.Got an immigrant loving bridge-building type,Woke Marxist Pope.

If somebody's in need, he won't be resting,That's not his trope.If you fall he will catch you, you’ll have his blessing,Woke Marxist Pope.

All of their spokesmen And influencers freaking out.Doesn't he know that WhiteJesus leaves no room for doubt?Cruelty, hatred,A slippery slope,He cares, they just can't cope --

They want someone who hates those who won't conform,But now they mope‘Cause the new guy’s compassionate, kind, and warm,Woke Marxist Pope.

It's not their biz,But they interlope,The Vatican says nope --

They want someone who hates people that they hate,A misanthrope.If they're not careful, he’ll excommunicate --Woke Marxist Pope.

They don't even know what “woke” or “Marxist” mean,Or “love” or “hope”.If there's grace to be had, they'll be found wanting,Woke Marxist Pope.

Music: "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper & Rob HymanPhoto: Mandel Ngan & Tiziana Fabi -- AFP, Getty Images