New Song: "Henchman" (Patreon)

This was just me getting silly one day. Anne came up with the line about Igor.

When I was younger, just a bad little kidMy momma noticed funny things I didLike hanging out with all the bullies at schoolI’d hold their victims down, I was such a toolI’d take the rap when they'd steal answers to testsMom told me, “Son, you're a mess!”What did she say?She said “My boy, I think somedayYou’ll find a wayTo make your natural tendencies pay.

“You’ll be a henchman!You have no talent except being a jerk.Son, be a henchman!Underpaid doing the real bad guy's work!Your temperament's wrong for employment In restaurants, health care, or retail -- Son, be a henchman,You surely can't fail.”

Here he is, folks, Minion Number Three!Watch him rough up that witness -- oh, my god...He's a henchman, 'cause he'll never ever be any goodExcept at petty theft, armed robbery, and fraud.“Ow! That hurts! You broke my knees!”Hey, you're lucky -- my boss is hard to please!

I am a henchman!I have no pride or survival instinct.I am a henchman!And the boss doesn't pay me to think!I tackle my duties with vigor,I get such a thrill when he calls me Igor!And though my life's filled with danger and stress...

Here at the end, the warden’s about to zap me with currents,Somewhere, my mom’s thinking “At least he didn't sell insurance.”

‘Cause I'm a henchman,And a success!

Three...Two...One...Now the SWITCH!

Bzzzt...