Hogwarts In The Holodeck (Patreon)

I wrote this at DragonCon, during the Harry Potter themed sing on Saturday night. See, the fans had the chance to vote on the topic before the convention, and HP beat Star Trek by one vote. So I promised to write an HP/ST crossover song. I didn't have any ideas by the con, though, so it seemed easiest to get suggestions from the audience. They gave me:Hermione GrangerRedshirt crewmanLost in Forbidden Forest (holodeck)Trying to find ford AngliaChamber of Secrets involved?It was a typical holodeck fantasy, A lonely red shirt looking for heaven.Alone with Hermione Granger, The hot grown up one from book seven.They were in the forbidden forest,Looking for the Weasley’s car that could fly.It was the only back seat to make out inBetween Hogwarts and Privet Drive.Then along came several centaurs,And they shot him through the heart,So the holodeck, it shut right down,And the red shirt hit restart.They thought they heard the rumblingOf an engine through the trees,But it was only Fluffy, the dogWhose bad breath came in threesAnd he grabbed the red shirt in his jawsAnd ripped his flesh apart,And the holodeck, it shut right down,And the red shirt hit restart.They heard a bunch of clickingThat could have been some gears,Until they saw the spider websAnd knew it’d end in tearsAnd the nest of acromantulas,Devoured him with a tart,And the holodeck, it shut right down,And the red shirt hit restart.They heard a big loud crunching Like something breaking wood,But it was just a giantWho couldn’t talk so good.And Grawp, Hagrid’s half-brother,He threw him like a dart,And the holodeck, it shut right down,And the red shirt hit restart.They heard a crazy hissing,Like a too-hot engine gets,But then they found the back door toThe Chamber of Secrets.And he met the gaze of the basiliskAnd had to go on the cart,And the holodeck, it shut right down,And the red shirt hit restart.At last they found that flying carAnd the red shirt said “Let’s do it”But Hermione said “You must be mad,Do I look like Molly Prewitt?”And Hermione got out of there,For him, she was too smartAnd the holodeck, it shut right down,And the red shirt got some KleenexAnd went to his bunk to... restart.

Image by Dave-Daring, https://goo.gl/J68tdWUsed without permission