New Song: "My Self-Driving Pickup Left Today" (Patreon)

Not a whole lot to tell about this one, really. The idea's been floating around the internet for a couple of years, but as far as I can tell nobody's written it, so.

If life’s a  sunny  day,  I’m  in  a  Cat 5  thunderstorm,My  fridge  died,  all  my  food’s  gone  bad,  and  all  my  beer  is  warm.My girlfriend up and left me, she said I was a jerk,I lost my job, and now I have to reimburse my work.

My mom and dad disowned me, I brought the family shame,The grandpa I’m named after said he’s taking back his name.My friends have all abandoned me, none of ‘em said a word,And now, on top of that, ol’ Elon Musk flipped me the bird.

My self driving pickup left today,It didn’t like my destination, and it refused to play,I turned my back for seven seconds, and it drove away.My self driving pickup left today.

My daddy’s guitar broke its strings, so I can’t sing the blues,My momma’s big ol’ tabby cat threw up inside my shoes(While I was still wearing ‘em. I have no idea how she did that.)My comic book collection all got soaked in burning lard,And Google, Lyft, and Uber hoisted me on their petard.

My self driving pickup left today,I’m living in the ultimate bad country song cliche,No moonlit nights, no beer, no blondes, how’d things work out this way?My self driving pickup left today.

The apple tree beneath which I had my first kiss is gone,A back hoe ripped it out, then dug up my entire lawn.And my golden retriever, my friend since childhood,Was in the backseat with my ex when that truck took off for good.

My self driving pickup left today,I’ve still got thirty payments left, what will my dealer say?I guess I’ll have to move on, but things should be okay,The flying one should be here Saturday.

Image licensed from Linnaea Mallett @ publicdomainpictures.net