New Song: "No April Fools" (Patreon)

If times were normal, now’s the time for lots of different folks To stun, surprise, and victimize their friends with silly jokes.But normal times are in the past, and some traditions do not last,And “fun” is not what I call all these pokes.

No April Fools,At least, not this year.There's been too much, it's been too hard,For mean and mocking cheer.A squirting flower, a dribble glass,Whoopie cushion under someone's ass.Remind me what we’re trying to do right here.

I’ve never been a fan of playing pranks upon a friend,Too much humiliation and resentment when they end,I’d rather share a laugh or three, even if the laugh’s on me,And right now there's no prank I could defend.

No April Fools,No point that I can see.I can't yell “Gotcha”, watch you smile,We’re not in proximity.What humor is there in being cruel?That's not the point of April Fool,So let’s just call it off and let it be.

You know how I love comedy, it's half of my career.And if I could, I’d sing to every one of you right here.I’d use every tongue twister, I’d break out every pun,And give each of you a big hug when I’m done.

If times were normal, we could gather like we used to do.But times aren't normal, so we’ll hunker down and see it through.And as we look back on the past, we see some customs should not last,Let's make a new tradition, me and you.

No April Fools,No need to play a trick.We do not need to celebrateThe right to be a dick.I’d rather celebrate my friends,And just wait till this crisis ends, I’ll tell you all in person “I love you”...But till that time, this song will have to do.