New Lyrics: "Bel-a" (Patreon)

Lar DeSouza did a hilarious sketch of Bela Lugosi as Belle from Beauty and the Beast. That's pretty much it.

Little town, here in Transylvania

Every night, I can dine right here

Little town, full of lovely victims,

Running home to shriek...

Wamphyr! Wamphyr!

Wamphyr wamphyr wamphyr!

There goes the schoolmarm, she’s so lithe and winsome,

Her pale throat, it does compel,

She’s so malleable and meek,

Since I bite her twice a week,

She’s a perfect lovely thrall --

Get away! Please get away! Help! Wamphyr! Help!

Ahhh, the ladies can't resist me. No, seriously, you can't resist me.

[ping]

... I... crap.

Look, there he goes, the local nosferatu,

A demon come right out of Hell,

We’re unable to resist

‘Cause he’ll turn to bat or mist,

No denying he’s a scary one, that Bel-a.

Wamphyr! Be off! You bit my mother!

Your mother, grandma, and your wife.

I need a priest! He bit ours last month

There’s nothing like this great provincial life!

[zzzzzwhoooop tnngngngngngggg]

What a shot, Van Helsing! You're the greatest vampire hunter in the world!

I know.

No undead stands a chance against you -- and no girl, for that matter!

It’s true, Renfield! And I’ve got my sights set on that one.

The schoolmarm!?

She's the one -- the lucky girl I’m going to rescue.

But she’s --

The most victimized girl in town. That makes her the bait. And don't I deserve the bait?

Right from the moment when I met her, saw her,

I knew she was under his spell,

Here in town there’s only her

Who can catch me that wamphyr,

So I’m making plans to use her to catch Bel-a.

Look, there he goes, isn't he creepy?

We’re caught between these ancient foes

The body count will just keep rising

It makes you wonder why none of us goes --

We stay (I’m poor) right here (can't leave) it’s home (we can't afford to) d’you think he can?

Don't know (can she) maybe (escape) or not (who needs this strife?) I will strike true!

He’s dead (undead) I’m scared (me too) why can't we stake him?

There’s nothing like this great provincial life!

Just watch, I'll gut him with my silver knife!

Look, there they go, their tale is strange but grisly,

If only it weren't ours to tell,

But we’re trapped between the three -- so we might as well just see

What’ll happen with the schoolmarm, the lovely hapless schoolmarm,

The vampire hunter Van Helsing... and Belll-A!