New Song: "(How Do You Solve A Problem Like) McConnell" (Patreon)

Ohhh, Mitch. You ol' hound dog, you. And that's about the nicest thing I can think of to say about him.

He stands up and he clears his throat,We know which way he’ll go,Whatever we have asked of him,The answer’s always “No”,And underneath his wattleAll his words are malapropos,I even heard him gloating in the Senate.

He always sounds so soothing,But his obstruction’s real,He always sounds like he’s sincere,As if he can actually feel,Don't bother to negotiate,He’ll never close the deal,He’s shut down all the business in the Senate.

I’d like to say a word on his behalf,McConnell’s old and daft!

How do you solve a problem like McConnell?How do you catch a liar and pin him down?How do you find a word that means McConnell?A contrarian! A hypocrite! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him,Many a thing he wouldn't understand,But how do you make him stayAnd listen to all you sayHow do you tell the jerk to go pound sand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like McConnell?Who only cares about the Republican brand!

I know he’s sposed to beA political prodigyBut I always know exactly what he’ll say.

Predictable as lunch,Always playing ever hunch,If it’ll keep him in charge another day.

And any legislationDesigned to help our nationGets thrown out his door as fast as it can hurtle,

He’s determined to be knownAs the power behind the throne.He’s a racist! He’s a liar! He’s a turtle.

How do you solve a problem like McConnell?How is the nation’s business to proceed?His desk is covered in bills he won't consider,He only thinks in terms of power and greed.

Many a thing you know you’d like to tell him,Many involving gestures with your hand,But he’ll never repent his sins,All he cares is that he wins,No matter what the damage to our land.

Oh, how do you solve a problem like McConnell?Make sure the Senate isn't under his command!