New Song: "John Wick and the Amazing Technicolor LARP Coat" (Patreon)

Sooooo... author, game designer, and generally awesome guy John Wick (no, not the Keanu Reeves character, no dogs were killed in the making of this song) got this fantastic coat, which he said he planned to wear at his next vampire LARP. Dunno why this hit me, but oh man it did. (Oh, and, the character is named either Jack Fabulous or Jack Spectacular.)

John Wick was at last the master of his fate,Writer, gamer, raconteur and fashion plate.Had hats galore, but wanted more,For his next vampire LARP.

John was s'posed to be a Ventrue in the game he sought,But his mirror selfie meant he could be caught,He had a plan, this dapper Dan,He needed to dress sharp.

He had shoes with polished shine,Shirt ironed crisp at every line,His French sabre showed he was a brave guard,His cologne a perfect Eau du Graveyard,

Slacks and vest were very nice,Autographed by Vincent Price,But he needed something more dramatic,Something awesome and aristocratic,If he wanted to impress all those Ventrue.

John Wick knew that walmart wasn't worth the jaunt,Nor would Kohl’s or Target have just what he’d want.So John went down to Old Mid TownAnd found the Value Village there.

And he found the finest clothing one could own,A smoking jacket like no other ever known,Its million hues drew “ahhh”s and “oooh”s,Even from Gangrel and Tremere.

When he got to try it on, he knew his nehru days were gone,Such a dazzling coat of many colors, how he loved his coat of many colors,Nothing like it in his ‘hood, he sparkled like Pattinson, but good,Such a stunning coat of many colors, how he loved his coat of many colors,It was red and yellow and green and brown and blue.

The other LARPers weren't too pleased with what they saw --“John Wick thinks that he’ll be laying down the law,That stupid coat makes him the G.O.A.T.,Our unlife is unfair!”

And when John Wick graced the scene,His rivals praised his gaberdine,It made anywhere he could be seen home,Had more sequins than the human genome

He looked stylish yet old school, the undead bowed before his cool,Such a dazzling coat of many colors, how he loved his coat of many colors,It was red and yellow and green and brownAnd scarlet and black and ochre and peachAnd orchid and nettle and lily and thornAnd dragon tongue and blood and swampAnd midnight blue and rotting fleshAnd heliotrope and Vanta blackAnd Kiss of death and Karloff greyAnd red and yellow and green and brownAnd scarlet and black and ochre and peachAnd Brujah, Gangrel, Toreador,And Assamite and Followers of Set,And Ravnos and Malkavian,And Lasombra and Tzimisce,And Nosferatu, Tremere, and Ventrue!