New Song: "Obelisk of Wokeness" (Patreon)

This is a bit of a weird one.

Last year, Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Jerkface) gave a little presentation in front of the class about the perils of people respecting each other. Among other juicy tidbits, he said: "Are we going to tear the Washington Monument down? Are we going to rename it the Obelisk of Wokeness?" (For the full story, go to https://www.huffpost.com/entry/tom-cotton-washington-monument_n_5ee3170ac5b67fa8b892423d .)

This is, of course, a fabulous phrase, and it got memed like crazy. And I started in on my own mystical travelogue of Washington, DC, as if it were a dark broody fantasy world -- kinda like Guild Wars 2, only with more Ted Cruz.

And then I forgot about it for a year. Silly frickin' me.

But I finished it a few days ago, and realized that I could not think of a better genre for it than metal. Somewhat less edgy than thrash metal or black metal; somewhat more melodic than Viking or deathcore. I tried a few new things with this mix -- please let me know what you think! 

Oh, and, I would definitely have the lyrics handy for this. Special technical thanks to iZotope's VocalSynth2, without which I would never have gotten close to actually singing this.

Your journey begins at the Swamp of Great SadnessWhere huge rodents eat you and old horses dieYou must head north to the Cave of Perdition,You must get permission to enter, or fry!

Then to the outskirts of Evilgreed City,Run through by a Loop filled with orcs great and small,And there you will see, at the end of this choked mess,The Obelisk of Wokeness that waits for us all.

It thrusts to the sky, standing bold and adjacentTo the Tidal Basin of No Quarter To Give,It guards all the lands to the Congress of No,Someplace you dare not go if you still want to live.

The Black Wall of the Fallen, the Headstone of Freedom,The Last Judicators in their golden hall,And there in the air, like a broken wheel’s spoke, isThe Obelisk of Wokeness that waits for us all.

Politicians and pundits turn phrases thrice widdershins,Hoping to dazzle or at least seem profound,They only show how little they understand things,And how much they think voters care how they sound.

Remember Lord Voldemort? Fought Harry Potter?He made up that name when he was still a kid.That’s how Republicans sound when they’re talking,Like children who can’t explain what they just did.

The palace is stormed by the Gold Hair Rebellion,Described as a tourist trip by those who fought.The Unrightful Ruler insists he’s the emperor,To the loud, witless cheers of the marks that he’s caught.

The Very White Council insists that we playTo the rules of a game that they change every dayThe Nation of Colors And First Of Their NamesStill trying to keep things from going up in flames.

The kingdom’s divided between those who love itAnd those who’d destroy it if that means they winThe Ancient Mock Turtle gaslights from his tower,Exults in his power, cares naught for his sin.

The other advisors preen, prattle, and obfuscate,Sharpening knives as they wait for the fall,And it’s up to you to prevent the triumph of hate,Take up your weapons and answer the call.Defend that great symbol, a-standing so tall and straight,The Obelisk of Wokeness that waits for us all.The Obelisk of Wokeness that waits for us all.The Obelisk of Wokeness that waits for us all.