New Lyrics: "Godzilla Got Back" (Patreon)

Anne helped get me on track with this one. She does that mostly by telling me "FUNNIER".

Scaly face with atomic booty --

I like big monsters, I cannot lie

You weebs and otakus can't deny

Since Fay Wray had an itty bitty waist

And Kong got in her face

He broke those chrome steel restraints

Then he climbed the Empire State

And Beauty may have killed the Beast

But my love has only increased.

‘Cause the mythos just got richer

With every monster picture

Son of Kong and Mighty Joe Young

Gave us monkeys by the ton

Also gave us Harryhausen,

And the Beast from 20,000

Fathoms, Then the next year

A new one kicked it into high gear.

Atomic testing woke it up,

It came along, kicked Tokyo’s butt,

But this wasn't animated and cute --

It was a man in a rubber suit.

I’m tired of critics whose rants are rife

With romance, comedy, slice of life,

Ask the average film fan what they want next?

Lots of special effects

So, fellas, fellas,

Do you want that man in suit?

Tell him to shake it, shake it,

Shake that rubber suit.

Godzilla got back....

I like my monsters round and big

I like Godzilla dancing a jig

Or a two-step or a hora

After he's been fighting King Ghidorah

I wanna get you home,

Set you on a kaiju throne,

I ain’t talking ‘bout getting laid,

I’ve got every Godzilla toy ever made

Check my bank account on the double,

Filkertom’s in trouble.

Because my personal finances

Are sitting on a big soap bubble.

I just can't help myself,

Japanese monsters on every shelf.

Posters, blu-rays, holiday sweaters,

Kaiju cookie cutters.

A word to the local waifu, if I’m witcha,

I won't cuss or hitcha

Us giant monster fans just love to

ROAR till the break of

Dawn, baby, got it goin’ on,

A lotta incels won’t like this song,

Them punks like to gatekeep and whine,

But I’m looking for a better time,

I’m strong like Kong,

And I’m getting my science fiction on.

So ladies, ladies,

Like Persephone hangin’ with Hades,

Get your romance on and gadabout,

Even waifu got to shout --

Godzilla got back....

(Spoken)

When it comes to kaiju,

I specifically say Godzilla

Zilla scans better, but

Zilla is now the official name of the creature

in that 1998 Matthew Broderick film.

Maybe, if no other Godzilla movies EXISTED AT ALL.

Now, now, don't be bitter.

I’M NOT BITTER!

Nineteen fifty four is a classic look,

But we don't have to do things by the book

Instead of a rubber suit, we

Could give Godzilla atomic booty.

To support that massive tail

Each ass cheek should be the size of a whale.

With every hunk of junk he clonks,

We get some dope ba-donk-a-donk.

You thought he was giant-size,

Well, take a look at them thighs,

‘Cause Shin Godzilla is sick,

But Minus One is thicc.

Now just watch him working,

Oh God, I think he's twerking,

Downtown Tokyo is a pile

Since he did Opa Gangnam style.

He made New York City sway and shake

Doing Radioactive Swan Lake

Down at the Central Park pond

With actual Radioactive Swans

Some cynical fanboys jaw

About the square-cube law

But G ain’t a biological case,

He’s a metaphor in your face.

So ladies, if you like ‘em round,

And you want a Monsterverse throwdown,

Dial 1-900-FILKERTOM,

‘Cause Godzilla is the bomb,

Godzilla got back....