New Lyrics! "Where the Hell Is Bill?" (Patreon)

First part was written by Anne, ttto: "I'm Just A Bill"; after that, by me, ttto: "Where the Hell Is Bill?" by Camper Van Beethoven. It's based on news reports (e.g., https://www.themarysue.com/nikki-haley-shares-bizarre-story-about-her-husbands-name/ ) that Nikki said, when they met, that her husband didn't look like a Bill, so she started calling him by his middle name Michael.

=====

He’s such a Bill

Oh my god, that’s a Bill

What the shit is up with Capitol Hill?

Well, Nikki Haley says hubs looks more like a Michael

Is she off her nut, did she stop her Krebs Cycle?

Maybe she’s been smoking something green

Does she have ace instincts? Nope, nil.

‘Cause that man looks so chill as a Bill.

=====

When Nikky Haley met her husband Bill,

A really strange notion entered her head.

She said “You don't look like a Bill to me”,

Started calling him his middle name Michael instead

Where, where the hell is Bill?

Where, where the hell is Bill?

Where, where the hell is Bill?

Where, where the hell is Bill?

She was born Nimarata Randhawa

To immigrant Sikhs from the state of Punjab

But now she wants to kick out immigrant families --

Has anyone told her mom and dad?

Where, where the hell is Bill?

Nikki changed her own name, thought herself brill,

Everyone else thinks it's crazy and shrill,

Where, where the hell is Bill?

When she was the governor of South Carolina,

She said the Confederate flag belongs

Then some black folks got shot so she took it down,

But still said taking it down was wrong.

Where, where the hell is Bill?

Nobody's heard, don't know if we will.

While Nikki goes off, he's silent and still.

Where, where the hell is Bill?

Someone asked her what caused the Civil War.

She said everything but slavery

She asked the guy “What do YOU think caused it?”

He said “I’m not running for the presidency.”

What, what the hell, my Bill?

Watching her tap dance like Vaudeville.

Did you suspect she could spout this swill?

What, what the hell, my Bill?

She says she’d pardon Trump if he’s convicted --

And she’d sign a six-week abortion ban.

Just another MAGA liar, but take heart:

If Trump can't beat her, Biden can.

Where, where the hell is Bill?

Supporting his wife, he always will.

I wish them well on Retirement Hill.

There, there go Nikki and Bill.