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Let me pick your Brain! - Part 1 (Patreon)

Published:
2023-04-29 15:33:58
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

Hello everyone, LunaWolve here!Part of the reason I wanted to create this Patreon was to have a larger pool of "Alpha Readers", so to speak.

It's the pool of readers that get first dibs on my chapters, but also on passages that I'm not 100% sure about, in order to gather feedback before release.

For this reason, I would like gauge general interest with this post here, to figure out whether this is something that the majority of you want to partake in, whether it's something only a small percentage wants to partake in or if it's something none of you want.

I can understand arguments for each party, as some of you might simply want to read the "finished" chapters and that's it. I get it, I really do.

For this reason, I'd like to ask you guys to fill out this quick poll, so I can get a rough idea of where people stand: https://strawpoll.com/polls/bVg8ojlBBnYIf I see a vast majority of you interested in providing passage feedback, I will simply release those as additional Patreon posts, just like the general advance chapter releases.

If it's somewhat 50/50, I'll think of another way to get the passages to the people that want to provide feedback (maybe a quick and dirty Discord, before I get the real thing setup?)

If the majority isn't interested in passage feedback, I'll simply continue as I have so far, by simply requesting it from my small pool of Alpha Readers.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Passage Feedback Below --- That means there are slight spoilers involved! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While you're here, I'd like to pick your Brain right away on this passage for the upcoming chapter. It will also act as a sort of trial-run and an example, to give you an idea of what I'm even talking about with the poll above:

[The passage is from Thea's internal thoughts.]

[Start of Passage]'Well... not quite what I wanted, but I guess it will do for now. Definitely a lot easier on the eyes... So, my main Attributes are definitely Resolve and Perception as it stands. Resolve seems to primarily govern my ability to withstand Psychic attacks or backlash, so investing in it might not be too worthwhile at the moment. Major Quinn did mention that having a 5 is already quite high, after all... 

'Perception, on the other hand, I can definitely see making my main Attribute going forward. As a scout and sniper, I'll need to make sure my squad is covered and avoid leading them into any ambushes or traps... So that's a no-brainer. Dexterity also seems like something I would want, but I'm a bit worried about becoming too lopsided with my distribution... 

'Ah! That reminds me... the Professor did imply Vitality being important for Psykers too... Not to mention having a 2 seems to be vastly below the average compared to the rest of the Marines, so I should probably try my best to shore up that weakness, at least somewhat...'

[End of Passage]

I'd like to hear first impressions. I won't be providing further context, as it's simply a test to see how people would react to this particular passage.Does it feel natural? Do you see any issues? Is it repetitive or boring?Those are the kind of things I'd like to know!

Thank you once again for your support, it is extremely highly appreciated!

Comments

Quendolayne

Passage feedback: it reads fine for me, her thoughts are clear, meaningful and reasonable. No fix needed in my opinion. … Out pof - passage comment: short passages like this will not allow to spot logic bugs or detect a wrong “vibe”

LunaWolve

Very true! Future passages will vary in length, with this one being the absolute minimum.

Kyfe

As for the content of the passage, it reads easy and makes sense. It's definitely something someone would be contemplating. As to my personal preference on passages, instead of giving us snippets of passages to review separately, maybe place the passages you're concerned about in brackets in the text so we know specifically what you're asking advice about?

LunaWolve

Passage feedback will vary and some might include more context than others. I'll be sure to mark them accordingly (likely the way you recommended)!

TyrAurelius

I feel like that passage is a bit awkward. Thea is set up to be pretty smart, but that passage is very surface-level thinking about the implications of her stat build. I would expect Thea to think about builds like she would for a video game and seriously hem and haw over the pro cons to create a "perfect build". Should I min-max or is it important to be more balanced? Vitality, Focus, Resolve, and Perception all seem to be important for the Psyker build, but I will need Dexterity and Perception for the scout/sniper build. That makes perception a no-brainer but what else should I focus on? Do I want to be a scout or psyker in the long-run?

J.L. Penname

The first two sentences were a bit jarring but it flowed smoothly afterwards. I know the jarring aspect should be fine once the preceeding context gets filled in but without it they are a little out of place. The rest of it is good as far as stat planning goes but as TyrAurelius said they don't go as far into meta planning as I'd expect Thea to, although that could easily build out as she gets more introspective about her options. Especially if she hasn't yet found out how unusual her level/skills are.

Tarkkail Mejn

I guess I need to type faster, Tyr had most of my points, but I approach the argument from the direction of Thea’s mechanic/engineering obsession of understanding how something works, how to keep it working, and how to make it work best. It may be addressed elsewhere as you are born with your stats but wouldn’t someone as analytical as Thea ask why there stats are where they are?

Elaine

first off the passage reads good to me and definitely makes sense I don't see any changes that would need to be made to it secondly I'd like to say I've come up with a theory that keeps making more and more sense the farther I keep reading and that's that the mid world's aren't there by accident or government neglect they're quite purposeful and serve to help the government. how did I come up with this its simple their overview of the system and just the complete purposeful neglect of mid world's leads to me to think they are left to rot to overall reduce to base human avg strength to make it easier for core and inner world's to join the military as you stated marines need 1.5x the human avg to join nothing like some good old neglect and rot to help reduce to human base avg so the inner world's and core world's can join the system easier it also makes sense in the point that they basically don't recruit from mid world's either so the mid world's have nothing to push them to be better or work harder while the inner world's are taken care of and have a reason to work towards bettering themselves. so it overall feels like purposeful government neglect especially since they can lit print stuff out of thin air

LunaWolve

Very interesting speculations! Thanks for the feedback!

Tarkkail Mejn

If the road of not finished chapters, we know you primarily release platform is RR so if there is major alterations to a chapter that effects the direction of the story, can you give us a heads up of which chapters have been altered so we can go back and reread. Such as in an authors note in the next released chapter.

Trasen56

The passage was written well, but as others pointed out Thea is likely to be thinking about her end game build as much as she can, as well as details on the whys of the system so she can manipulate/exploit it. If she was as pro gamer as she claims to be she would likely be asking lots of detailed questions to those with more knowledge to look for ways to exploit the system. Most professional level players know at least a few mechanical exploits that weren't actually intended by the developer and I expect Thea would be on the lookout for those. Also Thea should probably be considering what skills will allow her to go unnoticed by the enemy (those using natural perception and perhaps psykers with detection abilities as well) as an alternative to making herself tankier as the base 2 in vitality will make that harder to begin with. If we think back to the trial simulation she was able to make such a big impact because her squad took the bullets for her, but if she has the ability to go unnoticed then less of her squad would have suffered. On a similar note, I'd think her build will have a heavy focus on perception, dexterity, and speed to make her impossible to hit rather than able to survive a hit. Even if her vitality is 2, if she is fast enough to dodge bullets/shrapnel and out run explosions and other AoE weapons then it won't matter

LunaWolve

Absolutely! This was intended, but I forgot to mention it somewhere. I'll go back and add it to the disclaimers, thanks for the reminder!

LunaWolve

Very good thoughts! I'll be sure to keep them in mind, thank you for the in-depth feedback!

Archivist0

Put up a discord linked to the Patreon for passage feedback. While still not great Discord U.I. is way better than Patreon for discourse.

Archivist0

As to feedback. I am going to echo Thomas. Currently there is zero time pressure to allocate stats. I do not see someone of her caliber making an uniformed decision. The professor did say he was open for drinking consultation.

LunaWolve

Definitely! Thea's just thinking in here, not intending to place anything yet.

Quendolayne

Wow, interesting… definitely a worthwhile speculation/theory

Jacob

The only thing that sticks out is "shore up" in that last sentence, sounds off to me because "shore up" usually pertains to a physical object like shoring up a wall. rest of it reads nicely

TyrAurelius

+1 on the detailed questions. Just to toss out some ideas if you want to incorporate them: 1) do classes have stat prerequisites and, if so, are they based on effective stat expression (base + %) or stat point investment total? 2) what are the basic class archetypes? which align with my highest stats? is there information on hybrid variants for higher tier classes? 3) what is vitality (healing, toughness, ...) and how does it apply to Psyker ability? 4) if vitality becomes a dump stat, what are the mitigation options? Stealth? Psyker shielding? Technology shielding? 5) what stats would improve my danger sense, if any?

Critical Hit

I understand where you are coming from here and it can definitely make sense. However I've got a specific bone to pick with this theory. The various factions should all know that the galaxy is going to be opened up to the rest of the universe eventually. That means humanity will be competing against the rest of the universe once that happens. With that being the case it would make more sense to attempt to improve the overall abilities of humanity. If the numbers the System assigns are relative to overall humanity using numbers from chapter 12, "Assuming that a 3 in Strength can lift 200kg, a 6 does not necessarily mean they can lift 400kg. The distribution is based on everything the Attribute governs, not just one certain aspect. As muscles don't simply increase the weight you can lift but also the speed at which you can do so, a 6 could instead mean that you can lift 300kg but twice as fast. The overall efficiency increase is indeed doubled, but the results are somewhat counter-intuitive."" we've got a 3 in strength meaning someone can lift 200kg. However if instead humanity in general was stronger and a 1 meant that you could lift 200kg, then the same level increases of 4 + 5% stat increases that each level gives would have a greater effect, further increasing as the base numbers increase through classes/abilities or whatever else. This wouldn't really matter overmuch if humanity was just facing itself, but with an expected external enemy coming up it seems like it would matter quite a bit. As lowering the average ability of humanity in turn lowers all the effectiveness of humans with Allbright system, and the reverse being true.

Babblefish

Reads well for me. Even makes sense she’s meticulous due to her gaming and electronics history.

Critical Hit

Mostly reads well. But I would have expected her thoughts about Dexterity (which actually might be better called agility? Dexterity is more skill in tasks, especially with the hands, while agility is more speed and ease of movement? Though of course D&D and similar games have made Dexterity kinda the go-to there so understandable) to include mention of how she can't keep up with her own perception/instincts like in chapter 7 ""Ahhh, don't worry! I'm sure I'll figure something out… To answer your questions from earlier: Yes, I actually dodged the bullet. As I mentioned before, I got lucky. I have some extremely good instincts and although my reflexes are good, they can't really keep up, most of the time."" So it seems she'd want to improve her dexterity to make it so she can actually keep up with her instincts and be able to make full use of them.

LunaWolve

Interesting thoughts! One correction here, however: Dexterity is properly named. Strength is what determines the speed at which your muscles can move you, not Dexterity. (As explained by Prof. Pierce in Ch12) Dexterity determines the fine control you have over them, instead. So in order for her to make sure she can keep up with her instincts, she'd need both Strength AND Dexterity, with slightly more focus on Strength.

Earl GoldPeak

Like most people have said, it reads well to me. Since she is part of Alpha and all ready gets some perks, like the extras in the room. Why not have someone to ask system question as part of that, even tho they want everyone else to have a shot at the squad, the military wouldnt want to waste the potential of someone with silver abilities if they dont even have enough for a full squad normally as what was said in an earlier chapter.

Critical Hit

I didn't mean the speed at which your muscles could move you, so much as the speed to which you can tell your muscles what to do. Like if you hold your hand out with your palm open, and someone else holds a meterstick just above your hand then drops it, it takes a certain amount of time for the light to reach your eyes showing that the ruler has begun to drop, for your brain to process that signal, for your brain to tell your hand to close around that meter stick, and then for the muscles in your hand to actually do that action. Typically it takes about 15.9 to 20.4 centimeters dropped before the ruler is caught for the average person, or .18 to .20 seconds. Which stat would improve this kind of result? Where you see a thing, your brain decides on a reaction to the thing, then you actually do that reaction? I get that strength would decrease the time it takes for your hands to close, but what about for your hands to begin to close?

LunaWolve

Ahhh I see! My bad! Yes that would be Dexterity. Hand-Eye coordination is definitely part of Dexterity.

Critical Hit

Alright so she'd need to increase dexterity to be able to begin to react to seeing the muzzle flash of a bullet coming at her, but strength would mean she'd be able to move faster once she starts reacting. Dexterity then increasing the precision to which she could make that movement? As a separate thing, is vitality necessary to keep from tearing your body apart as you move with ever greater strength?

LunaWolve

Your first assumption is correct, yes. Dexterity would give her more precision over how exactly she could move. Vitality is not necessary for that, no. Vitality is pretty much exclusively an "external" thing, as in, it protects you from external sources of stress and damage, not internal. Part of the Strength/Dexterity Attribute itself goes into making sure that Participants don't just rip themselves apart.

Critical Hit

So, a high enough strength, dexterity, and perception would allow you to attempt to catch a bullet out of the air, but you are probably going to need to have a high vitality to handle the momentum that bullet would impart on you for catching it? Likely lowered by your ability to successfully bleed that momentum by moving your hand with it or the like. But just like catching it between your fingers out in front of you like superman does would require a high vitality to keep it from just ripping your fingers off dependent on the size of the bullet?

LunaWolve

That is pretty much correct, yes. Strength and Dexterity does impart a certain amount of general resistance, just like muscles would normally do, but the supernatural resilience like Superman, would come from Vitality. Lt. Frost for example had a comperatively high amount of Vitality, which allowed her to literally ignore the low-tech gunfire from the Stellar Republic, as they were unable to pierce her skin, aside from potentially hitting weakpoints.

Wombat's Writings (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-12 12:00 Just had another thought. When Thea thinks about how low her vitality is, that passage above makes it sound like she's considering ways to increase it. As a gamer I would expect her to try and find ways to offset the low stat, instead of trying to increase it; With a percentage increase in stats, rather than a flat rate, the payoff for increasing her lowest stats would be very low compared to min maxing. Rather than fixing her low vitality I would expect her to investigate alternatives... Are there shield generators? Stealth armor? Motion trackers? Auto Medkits? These are all things I can see her investigating to improve her survivability, only then only increasing her base vitality as a last resort.
2023-04-29 21:15

LunaWolve

Very good! Definitely agree on this point.

Shannon Livingston
>>107450204

I'm actually not sure if she would be that worried about having lopsided stats that much. The percentage increase over flat rate means spending points on the low stats early on is a little bit of a waste. I can imagine Thea would definately make a note to keep an eye out for those perks that give a flat rate increase, and fix her lower stats later, but she would definately want to come up with ways to cover her lower all her lowest stats in the short term.

Thomas Downing

The passage was pretty good! I eagerly look forward to the next chapter!

TWW

My first thought when I read this was, “No!!! Don’t waste your points on vitality!” I personally enjoy character/author thought process and decision making for major decisions and forecasting future build choices. My other thought was if there was a way for her to unlock psychic before her class choice. Even if she pumped all her points into perception, she’d still need the base to increase to 6.5 to be able to hit the 30 point total. At least from what we have heard so far base increases are few and far between and it doesn’t seem like even an absolute focus is going to get there before class selection. It did mention base points with a class so it is possible right after class selection or very soon afterwards. The Lecture mentioned other classes involving psykers so I’d think she want to find out if a better rounded build is better to start off or if it is worth trying to rush straight for psychic. If I was her, I would think I had something else going on besides what is on her current status sheet. Some sense stopped her from shooting at the booby traps. High psychic stats? An ability not yet unlocked?

LunaWolve

Very good thoughts! Love the feedback and speculation!

Jorge Fothergill

I've read a few of these responses and most of them make sense, i have these following questions that pop up

Jorge Fothergill

1. is there a way to increase baseline stats, without point. e.g lifting more and heavier weight and faster to build more strength, getting hit and moving through it for vitality, mental/observation training for mind/ perception stats. or will you keep it as the only way to increase from now as stat points?

Jorge Fothergill

2. is it a good idea to min max for a scout sniper in the UHF marine corp, there is no guarantee she will always stay back and out of close range, extenuating circumstances probably can and will cause her to need more or less balanced stats, not to say she cant have a specialty but for the role she is looking to play and with her 130 point value total it would make sense to get the best out of all her stats without letting one fall too far behind

Jorge Fothergill

3. just a tip that i would recommend you make sure her stat page is shown up when she has these big conversations with herself and other people (never show stats to others though)

The Lost Pages
>>107460859

Min Maxing doesn't need to be hyper specialized. This can also be the best use of her abilities and points towards a specific role / end game. great points overall.

Hunendora

Not a lot of surrounding context, but I have the impression of her deciding in a vacuum. She should seek more information. Look up the wiki. Check the forums. See if she can find a more knowledgeable (and trustworthy) source she can ask for advice. They may not know everything about the system, but they do know more than her, What kind of classes are there/are likely to turn up for her? What are the reqs?

LunaWolve (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-25 04:00 1. There is >technically< a way to upgrade base Attributes without System interference, but it's highly unlikely for UHF Marines to be able to do so. Normal Strength training, Dexterity exercises, etc. do all still work as you would expect in a normal scenario, but the realistic gains are near-minimal. Human physiology does not allow the body to move past certain pre-determined levels, so if you've already reached that limit, you can't proceed without the System interfering. So any stat with 3 or higher, is likely to never see any benefit from your typical training. Anything below a 3 >could< be increased to a 3 with an absurd amount of effort. You'd have to train essentially just as much as a normal human would have to, in order to get to that point. So you'd have to have the natural aptitude + the will to train as much, or more, than the galaxies best atheletes. 2. The UHF Marines function in a squad-based environment, so specializing in a particular aspect is not necessarily a bad choice. Thea will theoretically always have her squad heavies with her, to protect her from close-range encounters as much as possible. That said, every Marines does continously need to improve their close-range responses too (CQQ training). 3. Definitely intend on doing that! Thanks for the feedback and thoughts!
2023-04-30 11:21 1. There is >technically< a way to upgrade base Attributes without System interference, but it's highly unlikely for UHF Marines to be able to do so. Normal Strength training, Dexterity exercises, etc. do all still work as you would expect in a normal scenario, but the realistic gains are near-minimal. Human physiology does not allow the body to move past certain pre-determined levels, so if you've already reached that limit, you can't proceed without the System interfering. So any stat with 3 or higher, is likely to never see any benefit from your typical training. Anything below a 3 >could< be increased to a 3 with an absurd amount of effort. You'd have to train essentially just as much as a normal human would have to, in order to get to that point. So you'd have to have the natural aptitude + the will to train as much, or more, than the galaxies best atheletes. 2. The UHF Marines function in a squad-based environment, so specializing in a particular aspect is not necessarily a bad choice. Thea will theoretically always have her squad heavies with her, to protect her from close-range encounters as much as possible. That said, every Marines does continously need to improve their close-range responses too (CQQ training). 3. Definitely intend on doing that! Thanks for the feedback and thoughts!

1. There is >technically< a way to upgrade base Attributes without System interference, but it's highly unlikely for UHF Marines to be able to do so. Normal Strength training, Dexterity exercises, etc. do all still work as you would expect in a normal scenario, but the realistic gains are near-minimal. Human physiology does not allow the body to move past certain pre-determined levels, so if you've already reached that limit, you can't proceed without the System interfering. So any stat with 3 or higher, is likely to never see any benefit from your typical training. Anything below a 3 >could< be increased to a 3 with an absurd amount of effort. You'd have to train essentially just as much as a normal human would have to, in order to get to that point. So you'd have to have the natural aptitude + the will to train as much, or more, than the galaxies best atheletes. 2. The UHF Marines function in a squad-based environment, so specializing in a particular aspect is not necessarily a bad choice. Thea will theoretically always have her squad heavies with her, to protect her from close-range encounters as much as possible. That said, every Marines does continously need to improve their close-range responses too (CQQ training). 3. Definitely intend on doing that! Thanks for the feedback and thoughts!

Marick

I’m wondering the point of their death at the faux graduation only to be brought to a real body then digitized again. Wouldn’t it make more sense to just go digital to digital instead? First death to sovereign dds directly

LunaWolve

To make sure that each Recruit understands that they're alive. There is a very slight difference between the DDS and reality (99.9% accurate isn't 100%) and would become apparent very quickly, once things simply start to materialize in front of their eyes. Having them finish the ceremony 'in real' is an important part of making sure that the psychological trauma is kept to a minimum.

SecondBlahm

What are the disadvantage of lopsided stats, beside the obvious glass canon build with her low vitality ? Maybe she wouldn't be able to handle her high agility or strength ? Would it make her psychic power unusable due to high backlash risk ? She will get more benefits from putting points in her high basic stats, but that mean nothing if she can't use them due to her low vitality. Can her basic vitality be trained ? Strength, agility and some mental stats, I can see, but vitality is more difficult.

SecondBlahm

The passage doesn't seem boring or repetitive. Her attribute point distribution is important and her hesitation is understandable, as it is new for her. As readers, we also don't always remember the effect and importance of each stats, so some reminders are welcome if it mesh well with the story.

LunaWolve (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-25 04:00 Your assumptions are correct. Lopsided stats matter mostly for class choices and Psychic backlash, specifically. With Thea's current stats in Vitality, she'd be hard-pressed to use any physical-type Psychic power, as the backlash would likely rip her apart immediately. I explained some of the training part in another comment somewhere, but the general gist is yes, you can technically level up your base stats through training, but it's VERY VERY hard. Especially Vitality, as it involves an immense amount of pain and suffering &lt;.&lt;'
2023-05-09 05:53 Your assumptions are correct. Lopsided stats matter mostly for class choices and Psychic backlash, specifically. With Thea's current stats in Vitality, she'd be hard-pressed to use any physical-type Psychic power, as the backlash would likely rip her apart immediately. I explained some of the training part in another comment somewhere, but the general gist is yes, you can technically level up your base stats through training, but it's VERY VERY hard. Especially Vitality, as it involves an immense amount of pain and suffering <.<'

Your assumptions are correct. Lopsided stats matter mostly for class choices and Psychic backlash, specifically. With Thea's current stats in Vitality, she'd be hard-pressed to use any physical-type Psychic power, as the backlash would likely rip her apart immediately. I explained some of the training part in another comment somewhere, but the general gist is yes, you can technically level up your base stats through training, but it's VERY VERY hard. Especially Vitality, as it involves an immense amount of pain and suffering <.<'

Kilian

i like the passage, it flows naturally and explains her thoughts well