Let me pick your Brain! - Part 2 (Patreon)

Hello everyone, LunaWolve here!

I'm hard at work on the next chapters and require another discerning glance on a passage from my beloved Patrons.

I'm still waiting on more votes for the initial Poll in the last post (Let me pick your Brain! - Part 1) to make a final decision on how I want to handle passage feedback going forward.

Up until then, I will simply post a couple more, to provide further examples (and also to get feedback, lol) of what they might look like going forward, with a big ol' disclaimer in each of them, to warn the people that are ONLY interested in fully complete Chapters, that there's spoilers afoot in the post.

I hope that this solution is acceptable for everyone for now!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Passage Feedback Below --------- That means there are spoilers involved! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Passage Feedback Below --------- That means there are spoilers involved! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[During the continued System 101 lecture, Professor Pierce explains the rarity keywords.]

[Start of Passage]

“They are generally grouped into two separate ‘types.’ The first five - those being Copper, Iron, Silver, Gold, and Platinum - are colloquially referred to as ‘base’ rarities, while the last four, barring Unique - Palladium, Crysium, Exium, and Galactium - are referred to as ‘true’ rarities.

“This particular distinction might seem odd at first, but it stems from a very practical origin.

“The base rarities simply indicate how often a certain thing generally occurs inside the System, akin to a random distribution with certain percentage values. The true rarities, however, indicate how often a certain thing can occur inside the System.

“To contextualise this using our current topic: Gold-rarity Abilities only show up in roughly one out of every 10,000 Participants. This is neither a guarantee nor a limit, however. Two Participants that get integrated right next to each other might both receive a Gold-rarity Ability right from the get-go, just as a group of 100,000 newly integrated Participants might not have a single one amongst them.

“This is distinctly different from the true rarities. Let's take the Palladium-rarity Ability, ‘Eyes of the Stellarch,’ as an example,” with those words, the projected data-screen behind Professor Pierce changed, displaying a faithful recreation of a familiar blue box.

[Active (Palladium 8,540/10,000) - Eyes of the Stellarch - Level 1]Description: Allows the Participant to use focus and stamina to allow their vision to pass unhindered through obstacles of a certain thickness. This effect may be blocked by Materials over a certain Tier.Cost: 100 Focus + 35 Stamina - Effect Depth: 5mEffect Limit: Up to Tier 3 Materials - Effect Duration: 10 seconds

Upon seeing the description of the Ability, Thea's eyes widened, and her mouth opened in a mixture of awe and disbelief.

‘This…! It's like having wallhacks! How can this be real?! That Ability seems incredibly broken…! How would you even defend against this? Just sit in a room made out of whatever Tier 4 Materials are and stay there forever...? I wonder if there’s a way to get my hands on this thing…’

[...]

"As you can see, this Ability description looks fairly similar to the ones you should be familiar with by now, with one major distinction: the counter right after the rarity keyword.

"This counter is an indicator of how many versions of this particular Ability have been distributed by the System. The Ability can only exist up to a total of 10,000 times within the System, at any given time. That means if the maximum number has already been given out, it won't appear again until one of the 10,000 Participants either switches out the Ability for something else or dies. As you might imagine, this makes true rarity Abilities highly valuable and sought after, as they offer unique and powerful capabilities with limited availability.”

[End of Passage]

Similarly to last time, I'd like to hear first impressions. I won't be providing further context, as it's simply a test to see how people would react to this particular passage and the information included in it.Does it feel natural? Do you see any issues? Is it repetitive or boring?Is the information easy to understand?Do descriptions need to be added or updated?Those are the kind of things I'd like to know!

Thank you once again for your support, it is extremely and highly appreciated!