Crackpots #59: First They Came for the Ostriches (Patreon)

This edition of Crackpots comes once again from Dan Boeckner. Dan is a musician known for his work in bands like Wolf Parade, Operators, and Handsome Furs. Today's entry is about ostriches and what light they can shed on a particularly Canadian brand of paranoia.

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First they came for the ostriches.Now it's peacocks.Then your dog.They will come for humans sooner than later.This is government conditioning for much worse things to come."Depopulation" is not just for the birds.

— Viva Frei (@thevivafrei) 11:45am 21/11/24 (756.8k followers, Florida, USA)

Mid-October 2024: a grim procession descends on a Super Save Waste Disposal site in British Columbia's South Delta region outside of Vancouver. What are these modern pilgrims doing? They are mourning. They are looking for CLUES. Clues that would hopefully come in the form of ostrich carcasses they believed the Canadian government was HIDING in big blue dumpsters. In plain sight! Prime Minister Chairman Marx Carney's Gestapo (The Canadian Food Inspection Agency or CIFA) had massacred hundreds of innocent birds, simply for the crime of being infected with Avian Flu. A Holocaust. The dumpster detectives are part of a movement that has written protest songs, held candlelight vigils, and in some cases, lived on a (sort of) communal farm. Some of them had faced the full force of the state and put their bodies on the line. They wanted answers. They wanted the truth. Where were the birds?

To paraphrase the 2017 KSA tweet threatening Toronto with another 9/11, “what they found did not please them.”

From the Ostrich Farm Freedom Facebook Group:

They are not at Supersave ..Monty and Darcy were shown the bins and they were empty.I think that they are in Delta bc in the Vancouver landfill there.I learned that a first load went there.I went there and lit a candle at the entrance because we did not enter as its only for people who dump and costs a lot to go in.I did this yesterday.We were prevented by multiple staff from walking into the dump.

I went with my friend Wendy not to Investigate but to pray for them and grieve.So the reason people do not know where they are is intentional by the Supersave business and CIFA.So they did the murder in darkness.. and so they do not want anyone to Investige the remains.Mainly it is for punishment.

The story of the BC Ostrich Waco has been punishing FOR ME, and not just because it completely dominated the Canadian news cycle for weeks, or because it attracted the poison gaze of minor demons like RFK Jr or Dr Oz. It’s been punishing because whenever I see a full length piece in the Atlantic or endless credulous CBC “updates” on the “situation,” I think about the Vancouver Island-ification of the entire country. I talked about this a little in my last piece for CRACKPOTS but…the place where I grew up, a beautiful forested Island off the coast of British Columbia, has been pilled for hundreds of years. The human minds that found themselves staring at the open Pacific simply could not grasp the idea that they’d come to the geographical limits of free real estate, so they began to develop STRANGE IDEAS. I grew up around conspiratorial thinking, from co-workers, roommates, neighbors and people I played in bands with. Some of it was harmless (did you know KFC breeds chickens without bones for nugget production?) and some not so much (communist Jews control the world banking system and have initiated The Mark Of The Beast Program via barcodes on groceries at Save On Foods).

I know that Everywhere is Like This now, but there’s something specifically Island-coded about the Ostrich Farm that haunts me…I KNOW these people and they’re getting worse. Worse still is the Canadian media's complete inability to contextualize any of the lines of force that contributed to what should have been a local news item turning into a global story.

The story of Ostrich Waco begins with two people sharing a single dream: to raise large flightless birds for meat and make a profit. A classic way to make money. Back in the early 2000s, Dave Bilinski and Karen Espersen founded Universal Ostrich Farms in Edgewood, BC. Everything was going great until the farm started running into financial trouble. They did what anyone in their situation would do: partner with a Japanese biotech researcher named Yasuhiro Tsukamoto, aka DR. OSTRICH. At the time, Dr. Ostrich was leading the field in H5N1 research and attempting to develop a COVID vaccine using ostrich DNA. 

Dave and Karen are what I would describe as “pilled.” Entirely the product of conspiracy-rich semi-rural British Columbia, soaked in the accelerant of lockdown-era Facebook brain melt. They were Convoy People. The Freedom Convoy was a “grassroots” (mainly American-funded) movement of Canadian “truckers” (mainly middle-class pilled boomers) that descended on Ottawa for roughly two weeks at the beginning of 2022. Originally a protest against vaccine mandates, it spiraled into a grab bag of anti-politics personal grievances just barely held together by the shared belief in government overreach on COVID. Some weird scenes from those 14 days: a man dressed as a mountie waving a swastika, a Tim Hortons employee threatened with stabbing, protesters staging an “indigenous drum circle” event and chanting “yabba dabba doo” and “fuck Trudeau.” Eventually, Deputy PM (and Granddaughter of Nazi Propagandist Myhalo Chomiak) Chrystia Freeland (who you can learn more about in Episodes 414 and 415) would step in and do the one thing she knew how to do: sanctions. Freeland decided the only way to deal with this was to treat the Convoy organizers like the Hated Russians — invoke the Emergencies Act and freeze their bank accounts.

Like most things from this specific era, the “political” energy eventually dissipated and returned to where it sprang from: Facebook. The Convoy was a failure, but because of the institution of the Emergencies Act, its participants and supporters had proof of something they knew all along: they were living in a Communist Police State. 

Dave and Karen being enmeshed in the post-2022 Convoy world put them in a very delicate position with regard to their new business venture. Dr. Ostrich was researching possible vaccines for H5N1 and COVID, and had even developed a mask that used ostrich DNA to detect “COVID particles.” They solve this internal contradiction by convincing themselves that they are working not on VACCINES but “nutraceuticals.” Lozenges packed with healing ostrich DNA that allow the human body to naturally build immunity to H5N1 and possibly also to lose weight! This pivot will be the hook that gets RFK and Dr. Oz bird-pilled.

The good times grind to a halt when CIFA gets an anonymous tip from a LOCAL RAT that birds are dying on the farm. Piles of ostrich corpses on the road, carrion birds circling. This is December 2024. CIFA collects samples that test positive for H5N1, Dave and Helen argue that they are doing VERY IMPORTANT antibody research, CIFA assigns them a case officer who notices…hey…there’s not much biosecurity going on here. Biosecurity meaning: the ostriches are mingling with a local duck population, there’s no fencing, no one is doing normal shit like cleaning truck wheels or shoes to prevent the spread of avian flu. 

There’s a court battle, a judgement to cull the birds, a STAY OF EXECUTION and finally the order comes down: the birds must die.

Why is the Canadian government so concerned about a tiny little outbreak of bird flu on a small ostrich farm? Here’s Canadian agriculture reporter Mark Fawcett-Atkinson:

“BC is the avian flu hotspot in Canada. Most of the poultry farms are there, you’ve got 8.7 million birds dying or being euthanized by CIFA since 2022. Basically, if you have a chicken farm that has an H5N1 outbreak you’re looking at a 100% death rate for birds that get infected. It can also be transferred through wild bird flocks, which is basically why you had the big egg price jump. Poultry farms in the US were getting wiped out. The jump to humans is rare but when it does infect someone they’ve got about a 50% mortality rate.”

The argument against the impending ostrich genocide goes like this: 

Basically, the last death from avian flu at the farm happens on January 15th. To Dave and Karen, this proves not only that the birds are “healthy,” but ALSO that they’ve developed herd immunity and “big pharma” is working with the Canadian government to suppress their contributions to Dr. Ostrich’s research. That ostriches generate “super antibodies” that could be used to cure infectious diseases (especially COVID) and this is somehow NOT like a vaccine so don’t worry about that…it’s nutraceutical ostrich tech.

As the cull date approaches, the story attracts the attention of New York billionaire, grocery baron, and failed mayoral candidate John Catsimatidis. He’s concerned.

From his podcast:

All we want is fair and justice and... You know, what was the, the, the motto of Superman? Truth, Justice, and the American way. When I say America, I mean United States and Canada, because we're, we're in the same pot together.And I don't understand the Canadian law, because I'm a, I'm a New Yorker, that they want to slaughter or kill all 400 birds if they're not sick. And we had a phone call from, uh, Katie (Dave and Karen’s daughter), who owns the farm in British Columbia. I was horrified what's going on. We're worried that they're trying to destroy these ancient creatures that might have antibodies.

Then he has RFK on:

ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR: You know, I think that was a huge mistake to liquidate that ostrich herd. These animals lived to 50 years old.

ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR: They're not badly affected by bird flu, and we should not be killing them. We should be studying them to, you know —

JOHN CATSIMATIDIS: Well, they're still alive. You're — Mr. Secretary, they're still alive. I'm trying to talk to the courts up there that, that they should not take the influences they're getting from the pharmaceutical companies. And uh, whatever help your office can do, we welcome it.

ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR: John, I support you 100%. I'm horrified by the idea that they're going to kill these animals.

JOHN CATSIMATIDIS: They're ancient animals. I think they'll help with all viruses.

At this point the story breaches KKKanadian KKKontainment and everyone from pastel Q wellness grifters to American rightwing pundits get in on the action. It also, crucially, reactivates the Convoy People, who haven’t had a Real Cause to rally around since 2022. People start making pilgrimages to the Farm. People like former convoy celebrity Ruddi Bruce, a deeply unpleasant, perpetually angry Canadian boomer who looks exactly like Mac's mom on It’s Always Sunny. Ruddi posted a long video on Facebook after having an aneurysm on the compound and being rushed to hospital and I think it really sums up the incoherent rage and fear animating a lot of the people who made the journey to the Farm. He’s sitting in an awful room, smoking and complaining about being scammed on a subscription to a streaming service. He looks unhealthy, like someone who just got out of the hospital would. 

At some point someone calls him to congratulate him on his recovery and encourages him to “keep fighting” and “smoke one for me.” Ruddi hangs up the phone and says: “I don’t know who the fuck that was.” There’s something about the entire thing that just hammers home how lonely a lot of these (generally older) people are but also how fucking BAD they are at maintaining any kind of community offline.

As the execution date approaches, more and more articles come out on the plight of the simple ostrich farmers. Parallel to this, conspiracy theories around what is clearly a false flag killing of one of the older birds circulate on Facebook groups. It was snipers, it was a drone sent by Big Pharma equipped with a powerful lazer that vaporized the ostrich’s brain as way to send a message: don’t fuck with us. The vibes are curdled. Eventually the day arrives and CIFA descends on the farm to enact their grim duty. About three hundred birds are liquidated. There is much crying and screaming. People want to know where the bodies are going. There are comparisons made to the Holocaust and hundreds of AI-generated memorial memes. 

During this time, the media (both Canadian and American) begin to paint Dave, Karen, and the protestors in an extremely sympathetic light. They might be “freedom fighters” (the Atlantic), “standing up to the government” (CBC), or simple farmers bewildered by the power of the state (pretty much every Canadian piece). The fact that their legal bills are being paid for by an American billionaire who’s friends with RFK Jr. and Dr. Oz rarely gets mentioned. What NEVER gets mentioned anywhere is that the farm itself is built on a 20-million dollar securities scam going back to the late 90s involving Dave and his cousin Danny.

When Dave and Karen started multiple fundraising schemes (including a “music festival” called FARM AID CANADA) and launched two ostrich themed shitcoins ($OSTRICH and Canada Ostrich Farm ($COF)), I became suspicious and did what no Canadian journalist or media outlet seemed capable of: I googled “David Bilinski fraud.”

What I found was an article from 2002 on the BC Securities Commission website detailing a scheme to defraud “elderly investors” and WIDOWS of over 20 million dollars.

The only other person who seems to have dug this up is independent Chilliwack, BC-based journalist Paul Henderson. Here’s Paul:

Back in the late 1990s, Dave Bilinski turned to his cousin Danny Bilinski to help raise money for his Alberta ostrich farm. The two then created Columbia Ostrich Farm in Edgewood, the precursor to Universal Ostrich Farms.

Dan and Dave were directors of the ostrich farm, which they used via a venture capital firm to raise millions of dollars, ostensibly to expand the business. The problem? They exaggerated revenue potential to investors, hid Dave’s financial problems, which included three mortgages that were in default registered against the ostrich farm all while money poured in from people duped by the Bilinski boys. 

By 1998, the entire Columbia Ostrich Farm operation, including the buildings and birds, was at risk of being seized by creditors. That's when, yet again, “Dave Bilinski pressed his cousin to help him out,” according to findings from a scathing B.C. Securities Commission (BCSC) decision from 2002.

The BCSC found that Danny Bilinski and his partner Robert Pierre Lamblin peddled high-risk investments, such as the ostrich farm, that were unsuitable to people with conservative investment strategies, including widows and elderly investors. The two pitched securities by claiming investors could minimize income tax, receive monthly income, and earn double-digit returns with little risk. 

Instead, almost 200 clients invested $20 million in a “particularly abusive” scheme and most lost it all. The BCSC also pointed out Bilinski and Lamblin violated rules because of conflicts of interest as they “were driven to promote and sell their own product. They had a vested interest to not make any other investments available” to their clients.”

And while this isn’t exactly surprising, it does provide some missing REAL CONTEXT for who these people really are and what they believe in. They’re a shitty pilled version of the Trailer Park Boys. The Scamful Hosers. I went back through the Facebook posts and long LONG tearful front-facing rants and AI-generated Ostrich songs and thought about how this “movement,” these angry BC boomers who feel ambiently put upon by all sides…I thought about why their protests and petitions and candlelit vigils won’t ever amount to anything.

They’re addicted to scamming each other and being scammed. They can’t not do it. Every real-world manifestation of the energy built up in their facebook groups is immediately wiped out by the introduction of a shitcoin or bullshit fundraiser for something or other. No solidarity, only fitna.

Months after the cull and the high water of Ostrich Outrage is receding. Fewer posts, fewer articles, no reflection from the media. I look around me and I see a return to the Default State of conspiratorial and paranoid thinking I grew up with on the Island. A state that is omnipresent and ambient and has no real narrative center. The Q script is gone, finished and dissolved into the culture. COVID is over. No one cares. What’s left is the scaffolding and psychogeographic infrastructure that allows people to drive themselves insane at faster and faster rates. We can choose our entry vector to brain death: Ostriches, nutraceuticals, 5G towers in Chemainus, 15-minute cites, bike lanes in Nanaimo BC built (somehow) by the sinister hand of the WEF. The annoying crust punk roommate I had who told me about KFCs Boneless Chicken Programme seems harmless, familiar. 

As I try to settle in for the holidays, a song I wrote 20 years ago is being used in what I’m told is the tenth-most watched episode in the history of television. My record label is trying to harness this energy but they don’t quite know what will happen. No one does! It's alchemy. We briefly consider hiring a wizard or seer to make sense of all this or at least try to direct the flow into something, anything that will make money. Some napkin math, and my A&R rep and I realize that a million streams equals about 666 dollars which is 222 dollars each. “Lol” he says. “Oh well!”

This show is truly a global phenomenon and I begin to get accolades and nice messages on IG from people I haven’t heard from in years. “Nice one dude!” “Hope you get paid!”

The song gets played at a Bruins/Habs game. A few people post that hockey is actually a “boy aquarium”. People hold signs up commanding the players to kiss each other. People start speculating on reddit that the show is a nefarious conspiracy (by whom?) to gay-ify hockey.

One of the messages is from a guy I used to live with in a squat in Victoria. The same squat where I learned that KFC was breeding chickens without bones. A quick look at his feed and there it is. First they came for the Ostriches…

The Ostrich Farm Song - by Hilding Donaldson