Comedia Glacials 23: The Conductor Stands For Applause  (Patreon)

Comedia Glacials 23: The Conductor Stands For Applause 

For months now, Kollei knew that her body, mind, and spirit were being reforged by the amount of elemental energy and worship she was receiving, as well as the power of the Gnosis she wielded in her mother’s name. The change had been gradual, as Kollei slowly gained senses she hadn’t had before. Now she could hear people cry out her name, be it in worship, thanks, or even rage. 

Now, she heard her name over and over, from half a million throats at once. A few called on her in thanks, some in rage and anger. But most cried out for a single purpose: 

Save me! 

Tears streaming down her face, Kollei ripped apart a dozen of the horrific orc-like creatures. They had piggy snouts and tusks, with black, beady eyes. Some were still pink, brown, red, or spotted, and a few the bristly black of wild hogs. But most of them had a purple cast to their skin and hair, their tusks gone solid black and veins of dark purple running along their oversized muscles. 

“Goddess, thank you!” a pair of young men wept, clinging to one another under the brambles Kollei had summoned to shield them. 

Get into the cathedral. My priests and the Fatui will shelter you, Kollei ordered, and pointed back down the war-torn street, the ground stained black and red with the blood of orcs and humans alike. 

Even as her avatar saved these two souls, Kollei was directing the battle across the city. The Dancer was rescuing as many unfortunates as she could, unleashing the powers of her Hydro Delusion and the various puppets she controlled. For now, it seemed that her puppeting someone rendered them largely immune to Abyssal Corruption, but the Dancer’s strengths did not come from direct combat, and she was largely ineffective here. 

Amber, on the other hand, was proving extremely effective in this fight. She’d cobbled together a glider out of random scrap in minutes, and was now soaring over the city, rescuing as many people as she could with Kollei directing her efforts. The Rabbit Knight had to dodge plenty of Abyssal Monsters, as those snarling wolves could fly and the orcish mages could launch ranged magical attacks. 

Fortunately, the Spider had Amber’s back. Burning webs entrapped their foes, reducing them to ash. Arlan could appear anywhere he had spread his smoldering nest, much like Farasha could manifest from a butterfly. Kollei could sense both of them had gained their powers from the same Demon, though Papilio was now absorbed into Farasha. The lesser portion of Papilio’s power had been given to other parahumans he had possessed, but even a lesser portion of a Demon’s power was enough to make Arlan a top-level cape, with multiple ratings of 7 according to a Protectorate assessment. 

Even with their help, however, Kollei was desperately struggling against the Abyss, and making relatively little headway. There were thousands of orcs running rampant through Hellsiki, and portals were opening up to allow even worse horrors in. Try as Kollei might, she was no god of war, and a God of Compassion could do only so much to succor the injured when new horrors continually poured into her city. 

Ripping apart another group of demonic wolves, Kollei spun about as one blinked in close enough to attack her, only for Cheri to interpose herself, hissing and slashing at the wolf with her claws. 

“Thank you,” Kollei gasped, but Cheri just kept her back to Kollei’s

“Careful, Mistress! There are more monsters everywhere!” 

“Yes, and we can’t even seem to stem the tide,” Kollei said grimly, turning back and erasing another wave of orcs, this one with several of those brutish mages, with a wave of her hand. She had all this power, but even as she tried to cover the city in frost and thorns, she couldn’t maintain her control with the Abyssal corrosion everywhere. Something of the divine spark within her resisted that corrosion, but Kollei could feel it eating at her very soul. 

If a mortal was so much smaller than hers was now, no wonder it was so easy for them to be consumed. Even as she fought, Kollei had to gently put down dozens of people who had fallen to the Abyss. Some were in the process of becoming…things. They felt compelled to cover their faces with masks, and became more beastial, growing fangs and black claws, as well as thick dark fur over their bodies like an ape. 

Hilichurls. These are the hilichurls my mother spoke of. Humans tainted and accursed by the abyss, forsaken by Heaven and Fate.

For long, desperate minutes, Kollei fought on with only Cheri at her side, killing hundreds of abyssal horrors. Despite her best efforts, she was still too young and too inexperienced as a god to spread her influence over more than a few hundred meters of ground near the Helsinki Cathedral, which had formerly been dedicated to the Lutheran church, but now was a place of worship for the Church of the Frozen heart. 

A fortunate thing too, as the earnest prayers of the faithful within were a much needed source of strength for Kollei. She could sense some prayed to the Christian God still, and though she had Compassion for their faith, she was envious of the power that they denied her in this dark hour. 

Princess! There are too many! We cannot break out! 

Kollei turned her head to see the Dancer and her Puppets fighting towards Kollei. The men and women that Anastasia had taken control of were granted some measure of strength and power, but that just made them the equal of the lesser Abyssal monsters. The greater ones were still slaughtering her puppets as fast as she could enthrall them. Anastasia herself was in the process of using her Hydro Delusion and sword to slice apart one of the gigantic hilichurl beasts, but Kollei would have rather had nearly any Harbinger but the Dancer. Anastasia was devastating to human foes, but against mindless Abyssal monstrosities, her powers were nearly useless. 

DO NOT LOSE HOPE. WE MUST FIGHT ON! IT IS OUR DUTY! THESE ARE MY MOTHER'S BELOVED SUBJECTS! SHE WILL NOT SUFFER TO SEE A SINGLE ONE PERISH THAT WE MIGHT YET SAVE! I MYSELF WOULD RATHER DIE THAN ABANDON THIS CITY! 

Unintentionally, Kollei broadcast her passionate plea to the entire city, and a good chunk of the countryside around it. She winced, still not fully in control of her powers, but decided that such a message could only give relief and show Compassion to those mortals who yet prayed to her for salvation.

Then we will die here, for Finns, Anastasia said in disgust, even as she destroyed a pair of chittering Abyssal mages. 

We die for those we can show compassion to: our fellow Men, and my mother’s subjects. And I am not dead yet, Kollei declared. 

Then, Amber’s voice spoke in Kollei’s ear. Kollei! Kollei, they’re here! I can see them! They came! They really came! 

Who came? Kollei asked. Is it the Prince? Pater? The Witch? 

No, it’s the Knights! The Knights of Favonius are here!

Startled, Kollei looked up just in time to hear, “COWAAAAAAABUUNNNNNGAAAAA!” 

Two great meteors slammed into the Abyssal Creatures near Kollei, one cackling with laughter and lifting a giant sword, the other floating back up into the air in a swirl of wind and bearing a spear. 

“Oh yeah!” Itul Armburst laughed, slicing an Abyssal mimic that had taken on his own appearance in half. “Don’t worry, folks, cavalry is here!” 

You! The Dancer hissed, turning to face Ajaks, even as he used his spear and Vision to slay three orcs. I should kill you for what you took from me! 

“And it would normally be a happy day for me to kill a Russian bitch, but Lord Barbados has decreed that this day, even a Pole and a Ruski must fight alongside one another as brothers, lest we all perish,” Ajaks said with a laugh, though his tone was rather grim. 

Anastasia! I absolutely forbid any hostility towards the Knights! This day, they are our comrades! All of humanity must show Compassion for one another, or we will all be consumed by the Abyss! Kollei ordered, and Anastasia shuddered as command of the God of Compassion settled on her.

“As you command, my Lady,” Anastasia rasped, though she did not sound best pleased. 

“Hey, how come you sound all funny, like when Venti puts on his game face?” Itul asked as he cut down more wolves. 

Because much like Lord Barbatos, I am now a god. I am Compassion, Itul Armburst. And because you have shown such to my people this day, should we survive, I will grant you whatever boon you wish.

“Even an Xbox 360 and Perfect Dark Zero?!” Itul asked excitedly as he slew a squealing abyssal orc. 

“You damn fool, you could have asked for her to relinquish Crimea or Riga!” Ajaks laughed. 

“Oh. Uh, was that an option?” 

I shall allow you to choose your Boon, but I can see what your heart desires, noble knight, Kollei responded, having to hide her amusement despite the dire situation. Itul really was just a big blond puppy, exactly as Amber had described him. 

How tragic that he had long been one of the Tsaritasa’s most bitter foes. 

How many come with you, Sir Jedynak? Kollei asked Ajaks. As heartening as it was to have two of the strongest Knigths of Favonius, these two brave men alone would not be enough.

“Why, everyone,” he grunted, attacking a pair of giant demon wolves. 

“Yeah, we brought everybody! The Wind just sort of picked us up and plopped us here, too!” Itul agreed. 

Everyone? Kollei asked, her heart skipping a beat. There were nearly 1000 Knights of Favonius now, and that was a force strong enough to turn the tide here. 

“The Grandmaster assaults the Harbor, while Captain Eula leads an attack to free the airport, so that more reinforcements may be brought in,” Ajaks clarified. “Naomi and Capri are setting up relief efforts in Espoo, which has also come under attack by the Abyss.” 

Thank you, Kollei whispered, and felt icy tears on her cheeks. She shook her head. This would give them a chance only. Fight on, my brothers and sisters! Stand united as one! Fatui and Knight, Finn, Russian, German and Pole, we must all be brothers and sisters, sons and daughters of humanity! Have Compassion for your fellow man, and you shall have my blessing! 

There would be great death and destruction this day, but it would not be the end. Kollei would not allow it. The Archons would not allow it. This world would not be consumed by darkness and terror. Not this day. 

NOW, FOCALORS! AS ONE! The Tsaritsa barked, even as screams and explosions filled the air. Furina desperately grabbed the Tsaritsa’s hand, adding her power to the Cryo Archon’s. She’d already flooded the sewers, and with the merging of ice and water, the city’s streets buckled and then exploded, great chunks of cryo emerging from them as every toilet and sink in the city flash froze and burst. 

This is worse than the time I flooded the apartment. At least I didn’t have Charlotte blow up the plumbing while I was at it! 

That was rather more amusing though. More like an infant taking her first steps than two gods cleansing a city as an act of desperation. 

Please tell me you’re not going to bring that story up like some embarrassing childhood pictures, mother. 

I can make no such promise, as I have the memories etched in glorious fashion. I can’t wait for Morax to appear. He’ll be absolutely charmed by them. 

You wouldn’t dare…

Focus, dearie, we are still in the middle of enemy territory. 

Well, I think that sorts that, Furina said, giving the panting Tsaritsa a dazzling smile. Dantilion was leaning heavily on her sword, her breath fogging the air as the god gasped for breath. 

IT IS NOT OVER YET, the Tsaritsa growled, forcing herself back up. THE ABYSS  YET TAINTS MY CITY. 

Mmm, yes, but I hardly think that’s a threat, Furina said, feigning nonchalance and examining her nails. 

HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING!? MY BELOVED SUBJECTS ARE UNDER DIRECT THREAT! HOW CAN YOU-

Were, dearie. Were. They were under direct threat. 

AS LONG AS ONE SINGLE MONSTER HAUNTS NEW MOSCOW, I SHALL NOT REST! IF YOU WILL NOT ASSIST ME, THEN-

There was a bloodcurdling roar, and Keiga passed low overhead, sending out a pressurized blast of water that scoured a pack of Rift Hounds, Yennifer riding on her back and cutting down another Rift Hound. In the not-so-far distance, Eidolon blasted away a Lawlachurl. Furina shuddered at that. How had Celestia’s curse ended up here of all places? 

You know the answer to that perfectly well, my daughter. 

They come from a reality where all of Teyvat was swallowed by the Abyss, and now, they seek to consume this world as well…

Yes. Something we must prevent at all costs. 

Darling, you really must learn to delegate properly, Furina sniffed. Then, she hesitated a moment. She really did fear the Tsaritsa terribly, but most of that was baggage from her old life. Now…now they were on an equal footing. So, she stepped in and lowered her voice. 

“Besides, you really must maintain a show of calm and discipline, even in the face of calamity. Be the god the people expect to see. If others see their Tsaritsa panicking, they will panic as well. If they instead see her confident and composed, then they shall act accordingly,” Furina whispered. 

“I…you are correct,” the Tsaritsa said in an equally hushed tone. Slowly, the Tsaritsa stood, placing her hands on the pommel of her sword and standing erect beside Furina. After a moment, the Tsarista leaned towards Furina. “You really are Furina de Fontaine, aren’t you? Were you a god in your world? In mine, you were nothing but a mortal. The bravest and most courageous mortal to ever live, but a mortal woman nonetheless.” 

“I…” Furina hesitated and met the Tsaritsa’s eyes. For a moment, she saw not the icy antagonist, but a fellow woman. “Whatever I was in Teyvat…here, my role is entirely different. I am Focalors, Hydro Archon. I cannot simply be just Furina de Fontaine.”

“Hmm. Then I envy you, Furina. For I cannot be Bronya.”

“And why not? Who says we gods have to follow the rules?” Furina said with a wink. 

The Tsarista barked a laugh. “I find myself liking you, Focalors. I did not expect that. I admired your courage, a mortal woman, defying Heaven. But now…now I see that you have charm as well.”

“Darling, I survived on naught but charm and wit for five centuries. That, and some sleight of hand. If I couldn’t make the audience smile and laugh, I’d have been strung up within my first century,” Furina tittered, though she was deadly serious. There had been some extremely close shaves over the years, especially when her rule was shaky, and Fontaine was still reeling from the Cataclysm. There had been plenty of attempts to oust her, but Furina had always managed to come out on top with her wits. 

“Yes. And here, I envied you, for I often wished I was no god, but still the simple girl I was born as,” Bronya said, sounding bitter. She gave Furina a sad smile. “Would that we could have been friends, and had tea parties, as my Harbingers did. I always longed to join them, but, alas…I was determined to be cold and imposing. I do miss them now, however…Columbina, Arlecchino, Sandrone, and Signora…”

“Surely not that monster Dottore,” Furina said, shuddering at the very thought of that man. 

Bronya gave her a puzzled look, then nodded. “Oh. Of course. You must have been plucked from an earlier point in the timeline. I stripped that monster of his status after what he did to Columbina in Nod Krai. Posthumously, of course. I should have perhaps done so sooner, but he could be rather useful as a tool when he wasn’t defying me.”

“He certainly deserved it,” Furina said with a shudder. “Though I am unaware of what happened in Nod Krai. I died at the same time the Prophecy was averted in Fontaine. Did…did that happen in your world as well, then?”

“Indeed. As I said, I found you quite admirable. Last I recall, you became a director of no small renown, and if rumors are to be believed, Lumine’s lover. Though I put little credence in…that…oh?”

Furina had blushed so thoroughly that her hydro form’s cheeks had started to boil. “I, well, um, t-the Lumine I knew…that is, she and her brother…well, um, I-I won’t say I wasn’t attracted to her, but really, that hadn’t even entered my mind!”

“Your knight, then, she is your lover? Interesting. Most gods do not take one. I have thought of it, at times. I very nearly took Rosalyne to my bed, but I never had the courage. I…regret that, now, in some ways.”

You know, I really must be concentrating on directing my constructs, dearie, we shall have to finish this conversation some other time, Furina said rather breathlessly. Which was odd, as she currently had no lungs. 

Still, she really did need to keep her focus on directing the hydro gardemeks, and the Tsaritsa busied herself with directing her own forces. It took several more hours, but at last, no further reports of Abyssal Monsters came in.

“Seems like we’ve eradicated them, though you’ll need to keep doing patrols,” Eidolon said, coming back to the command room with Keiga and Yennifer. 

Furina took Yennifer’s hand briefly, mostly to check to make sure her girlfriend wasn’t tainted by the Abyss in any way. 

“Are you alright?” she whispered. 

Yennfier inclined her head. “I am well, my Lady.”

That let Furina breathe somewhat easier, but she wasn’t completely relaxed. Not with the threat of the Abyss at hand. 

I sense no further corruption here. Do you, Dantilion? Furina asked. 

The Abyss has sunk its claws into my lands, and it will not be so easily dislodged. The immediate threat is passed, but this is a far graver threat, the Tsaritsa sighed. The others have dealt with the other incursions, but we must take counsel. There are but five of us, but we must gather. And…and perhaps summon the False Sustainer. Scion must be informed of this. He has not acted, and I cannot fathom why. If the Abyss infects this world, it shall never give birth to his progeny, even if he takes all of us to be his brides.

The very thought of that made Furina feel ill, but she did agree something had to be done. Perhaps he can be reasoned with. The Abyss is a threat to all life. Even a demon’s. Where shall the council be held? 

My Hero, where is the ground for rulers to meet and treat with one another? You Americans will need to be taken to task, for it was your people who unleashed this threat. I pray it was unintentionally, or I shall truly have to make war upon your homeland. 

Eidolon cleared his throat. “I’m not your hero. But I do believe that Geneva, Switzerland, is the traditional place for neutral negotiations.”

Very well. Communicate this to President Alexandria. I will permit you to return to her for a time, but I shall call you back. You are mine, David Ward. Your heart belongs to me, and to no other. 

Eidolon glared at the Tsaritsa, then turned away. “Fine. Door me. Washington DC.”

A wooden doorway appeared, and the American cape stepped through and vanished. 

I must depart as well. I shall be at the conference. There, I must take you to task, Dantilion. What you have done thus far in this world cannot be called Justice, Furina said.

The Tsaritsa’s nostril’s flared, but she inclined her head. For saving my people, I will grant you the right to speak so to me, Focalors. But have a care. I am yet the Tsaritsa. 

Suppressing a shiver, Furina got back aboard Kiega with Yennifer, and they departed New Moscow. As soon as they were out of Russia, Furina dropped her disguise and started crying, clinging desperately to Yennifer.

“Furina?! Are you hurt!?” Yennifer said, grabbing Furina and looking at her in horror.

“N-no, I-I’m just s-so s-scared,” Furina sobbed, the stress of the last day finally breaking through. “I-I thought everyone would r-realize I-I’m just a f-fake Archon! I-If the Tsaritsa o-or a Harbinger attacked me, I-I’d have died!”

FALSE ARCHON? Keiga rumbled, and Furina completely missed the amusement in the dragon’s voice.

“Don’t make fun of me,” Furina sniffled. “No one figured it out until the Travelers showed up, and even then I nearly got away with it.”

I WAS NOT MOCKING YOU, LORD FOCALORS. I MERELY FIND IT RATHER HUMOROUS THAT YOU THINK YOURSELF A FALSE ARCHON. MY PREVIOUS ARCHON COULD NOT COOK EVEN A BOWL OF RAMEN, AND FREQUENTLY WAS CAUGHT PLAYING HER NINTENDO DS DURING LONG MEETINGS SHE FOUND TEDIOUS. 

“Yes, well, she’s the Raiden Shogun. Beelzebul has been known to chop islands in half that displease her. Chef Mao didn’t even trust me with a kitchen knife when I started at Wanmin Restaura-owww!”

Furina rubbed the crown of her head and gave Yennifer a wounded look as her partner removed her knuckles after having given Furina a sharp rap with them. 

“Furina, you’re being incredibly silly. If you don’t stop, I’m going to have to do that again.”

“What do you mean?” Furina asked, taking the handkerchief Yennifer gave her and dabbing at her eyes. 

Looking exasperated,  Yennifer explained, “Furina, I just saw a goddess. You seriously made me question whether or not God didn’t have a daughter instead of a Son, because you were divinity incarnate. I watched my silly goose of a girlfriend go from fluttering about to an ageless being who controlled time itself on a whim, and commanded a dragon. Then, when we got to New Moscow, it wasn’t the Tsaritsa who took command. It was you. You came up with the plan to purge the sewers of those rat things. And when the Abyss threatened the city, you summoned an entire army with the snap of your fingers!”

“Well, it was a bit more complicated than that, the snap was really just showmanship.”

“Uh huh. You took time to showboat summoning an entire army and saving the city.”

NOT TO MENTION TELLING THE TSARITSA TO HER FACE THAT SHE WOULD FACE YOUR JUSTICE, Keiga pointed out. 

That made Furina start to hyperventilate until Yennifer kissed her, which calmed her down much more than the knock on the head. “Do…do you really think so?”

“Furina, I’ve met Venti, that is, Lord Barbados.”

“Barbatos. Not Barbados.”

“As you say. Either way, I’ve met him. I’ve even seen him stop goofing off and be an Archon on occasion. But I’ve never seen him do anything as incredible as what you did. Not even when he picked us up out of Riga and raised the Storm Range against the Tsaritsa. You were beautiful, and incredible, and frankly made me question how a god like you could ever fall in love with a normal woman like me.”

By the end of it, Furina was crying again, though not out of fear. She wrapped her arms around Yennifer and silenced her with kisses. “Yennifer, you’re the first person to ever see me, the real Furina, and love me. You are as competent as a captain on the battlefield as a lawyer in court, will see justice denied to no one, and have yet to find a lost cause you won’t fight for. Not to mention you have an ass sculpted by Celestia, and lips sweeter than Monstadt’s finest wine.”

“And you’re the only goddess for me, Furina,” Yennifer told her. 

When they got back to France, Furina had Keiga drop her and Yennifer off outside Paris along the Seine. 

“I will see you again soon, Furina. I understand your desire to remain unnoticed. I, too, shall come incognito. Perhaps I shall bring Bailu as well,” Keiga said, bowing formally to Furina. She was still dressed in her kimono, as Furina had taken the time to show Keiga how to preserve her clothes when transformed. It was a simple trick once you learned it, but very embarrassing if you didn’t know how. 

“I look forward to seeing you soon. Here, this is my phone number, and our address. I hope you can bring your daughter at some point, she is adorable,” Furina said, and hugged Keiga before air kissing both her cheeks in the French fashion. 

“Farewell, Yennifer. Guard Furina well. She may not need it, but her heart is stronger than she knows,” Keiga said, before diving back into the river and heading for the sea. 

After that, Furina and Yennifer called a cab, then hastened to the Hôtel de Ville. 

“Maman! Mutti!” Diane wailed, dashing down the steps on all fours as they opened the door, and flinging herself into both their arms. Furina hugged her daughter tightly along with Yennifer, all three of them crying. Then Charlotte was there, and Furina embraced her as well. 

“You’re both OK?” Charlotte said, her eyes darting nervously back and forth between Furina and Yennifer. “Nothing…nothing happened, right? We, we were watching the news…they said the Raiden Shogun declared war, and the Tsaritsa is withdrawing, but…but that’s not what happened, is it?” 

“No, the war is over,” Furina said, then glanced up at a very nervous looking Fortuna, who’s blind eyes were flicking nervously around, her two bodyguards behind her. “Fortuna?”

“I didn’t know!” Fortuna babbled, dashing forward so quickly she tripped and collided with Furina, forcing Yennifer to steady both of them. “I warned them! I told them it was evil, and not to meddle with it, but they wouldn’t listen! Please, I’m so sorry, Lord-”

Furina cleared her throat. “Um, it’s fine, Fortuna. I…”

She trailed off as Jeanne, who had been waiting patiently with Barbara, nodded. “Mademoiselle de Fontaine. Mademoiselle Lustria. Please, step into my private study. I believe we must have a word or two. You come as well, Charlotte, Fortuna. And I believe my daughter should be there as well.”

Wincing, Furina nodded, patting Diane on the head and telling her to be good for the servant who took her. Diane was crying that her mothers had just gotten back, but Furina promised to show her a “special Teyvan recipe” if she were good, and Diane quieted down to a pouty sulk. 

I shouldn’t have done that. Jeanne’s too smart for a slip-up like that, Furina mentally groaned. 

You’re doing marvelously, dear. Children do seem to have that special power to bring parents to their wits' end, and that child is certainly more rambunctious than most. Besides, I am fairly certain Mayor D'Orléans has already sussed out your subterfuge. 

Jeanne shut the door, then used a quick warding spell Furina recognized from one of Lord Buer’s online courses. Jeanne turned to regard Furina a moment, hesitated, then got down on her knees, hand to her heart. “Lord Focalors, I presume?”

Furina didn’t hesitate. She stepped forward, and took Jeanne’s hands in her own. Yes. I apologize, Jeanne, that I needed to hide myself from you. Thank you for safeguarding my daughter and Charlotte. 

“It was my honor and privilege, Lord Focalors,” Jeanne said, bowing her head. 

Furina groaned, and stamped her foot. “Jeanne, that’s quite enough of that. If you’re going to Lord Focalors me constantly, I, I…I’ll make it rain on you every time you go out!” 

“I knew you made it rain whenever you cried!” Charlotte said in a triumphant tone. 

“Er…that was…um, well…unintended,” Furina admitted. “Oh do get up, Jeanne! I’m incognito anyway, you’re going to have to keep pretending I’m just a silly actress who happens to be Yennifer’s girlfriend.”

“I never quite thought you silly, but I did think you just an actress,” Jeanne admitted, getting to her feet. She looked around the room. “So, I was the last to know, then. None of the rest of you are surprised.”

“Sorry, Mère,” Barbara said, bowing her head. “I just…we were keeping it a secret from everyone.”

“A girl needs to have a few secrets from her mother, Barbara. Though typically, it isn’t that her co-star is an Angel of the Lord,” Jeanne said dryly. She paused, then her brow furrowed. “Are you an Angel? What are Archons, exactly?”

“Well, um, I…am not the most experienced at being an Archon. I’ve only been one since I arrived in France,” Furina admitted. “Sort of.”

“I… truly? Then you’re only a few months old,” Jeanne said in astonishment. 

“Oh, no, I’m five centuries and change. I was merely the humanity of the Archon Focalors, split off from her divinity and sent to save Fontaine, but that isn’t- why are you looking at me like that?”

Jeanne’s eyes had gone very wide, and she had her hand on her heart again. “...are you…are you Christ the Lord, come as a woman? But I thought…”

“No no no!” Furina said hastily.

“She can turn water into wine,” Barbara said, and shot Furina a glare. “Especially when she shouldn’t.”

“She can probably tell the tempest to be quiet, and it would listen,” Charlotte added. 

“What?! I never- well, I mean, yes, but only the rain,” Furina spluttered. 

“And you certainly can walk on water. I don’t suppose you’ve ever fed 5000 people from a single loaf and a few fish?” Jeanne asked, shaking her head slightly. 

“Well, I mean…no? I can create water and liquids, not bread,” Furina said. She thought a moment, then added, “I’m not sure about multiplying the fish, though. But I’m definitely not Jesus Christ. He’s from Earth, I’m from Teyvat. Though I very much would like to meet him. He seems…very kind.”

“They’re going to start a religion about you,” Fortuna blurted, and all eyes turned to her, though she didn’t notice, being unable to see everyone’s expressions. “A large cult that claims you’re the second coming of Christ. I can see it in the stained glass now. That future is not so distant, the light is already on the window…”

“I…I really am just a normal girl. I…I might be the Hydro Archon, but…but deep down, I’m still human,” Furina pleaded. 

“I see. Well. I am afraid we will have to set aside the theological ramifications of that for now,” Jeanne said, seeming to come back to herself. “Furina: How much danger is France in?”

“Extreme,” Furina answered instantly, and waved her hand to conjure up a map of the country on Jeanne’s desk, focusing on the rivers. “We’ll need to start patrols immediately. If only we had Gardemeks…we’ll have to construct factories. I have the plans for them, do you think you could get the raw materials to produce several thousand combat units? Automated patrols are the best way to detect Abyssal incursions.”

“I…I am only the Mayor of Paris, I don’t have the authority to…” Jeanne shook her head. “No. This needs to be done. I’ll see it happens. This threat can reach France, then?”

“They’ll be attracted to me, unfortunately,” Furina said with a shudder. “The Abyss is drawn to power. The city will be a tempting target as well. But the Abyss is insidious. They’ll target small towns and villages first. It will take time; this is a virgin world to those demons, but they will find the cracks, and they will slip in. If only we could construct a false sky…but even all Seven of us working together would likely not be able to manage that. Perhaps we could beseech the Sustainer…”

“A false sky?” Charlotte gasped. “You would hide the stars?!”

“I would hide us from the Abyss, it is one of the best ways to keep us safe,” Furina said with a shudder. “But no, we’ll focus on solutions we can implement. Yes. I’ll begin designing and manufacturing gardemeks immediately. I’ve been reading your technical journals, so I can probably incorporate Earth Bet technology. Especially your fire and control systems, and radio. That will be very useful, yes…hmm. A pity.”

“What’s a pity?” Yennifer asked. 

Furina groaned. “I’m going to have to ask Emile for an extension. There’s simply no way I can finish the script to La Petite Océanide and design and manufacture a defense force for France!” 

She hesitated, not realizing everyone was staring at her agog, save for Fortuna, who had taken out Eight2 and was peering into its depths and muttering to herself. “Unless I cloned myself. Could I do that? Hmm, I think I could…yes, if I just…”

Furina suddenly split into two. It was slightly disorienting, as her perspective was divided between two bodies. Hmm, this won’t work. Mother, would you? 

Of course, dear. 

Focalors took over the clone, and they turned and bowed together. “Ta-da!”

“This…is going to take some getting used to,” Jeanne muttered. Yennifer had her hands over mouth in shock. 

“Why, Madame D’Orléans, nothing is simpler!” Focalors tittered. “Dear Furina has more work than one body can accomplish, and thus, she calls in her understudy!”

“Mother, you’re hardly my understudy. If anything, I am yours,” Furina protested. 

“Tut tut, this is your power at work my dear, not mine,” Focalors suddenly stretched and grinned. “Though I must say, it feels wonderful to finally be physical again. It is rather droll to be incorporeal, but there is a simple satisfaction to having a body one can move about, don’t you think?”

“I can make this permanent, you know,” Furina offered. 

“Egeria’s tears, no! Far too much work. No, no, we’ll deal with this, then I shall go back to residing in the back of your soul. Much simpler that way,” Focalors said.

“F-Furina?” Yennifer said, coming up to the correct copy and taking Furina’s hands. 

“Hmm? Oh, yes, it’s me. Sorry, you did meet my mother, Focalors, earlier. She’s, er, dead. I think I mentioned that?”

Yennifer mutely shook her head. 

“Oh yes. I had thought I’d simply fade away with time, but we dead gods do have a habit of lingering on,” Focalors said with a shrug. “Not that I mind: I do intend to stick around at least long enough to see my granddaughter grow up.”

“This is going to be the story of the century!” Charlotte suddenly squealed, and Barbara nodded her agreement. 

“I shall tell all, child, but no publishing until I grant permission!” Focalors huffed. “One ruins the surprise if one gives away the magician's tricks mid-performance.”

“...let’s get back to how we prevent this new threat from harming France,” Jeanne urged. 

“Oh, yes, thank you, Jeanne, I don’t know what we’d do without you,” Furina said. “Ah! Fortuna, if I give you the correct signs and auspices, can you predict where the Abyss will strike? It won’t be flawless. Fate is mostly blind to the Abyss, but with a good enough seer, you can get glimpses.”

“I…yes! Of course. You…you won’t throw me out because I’m with Cauldron?” Fortuna asked, hurrying forward and bumping into the table until Barbara steadied her. 

“We’ll talk about that later, but for now, what’s most important is that we work together to stop this threat,” Furina said firmly. “Now, we should set up routes here, here, and here. I can create flying meks to overfly the mountains, and…”

The planning session went on long into the night, and even the next day. But Furina would see France safeguarded. 

Yennifer thought she could do it. And as long as Yennifer believed…then Furina would be the Archon France needed. 

Even if she was going to have a proper cry and panic attack, and eat an entire carton of ice cream when she got home. 

Author's Note:

Oh? Your Furina is evolving!

Furina evolved from GIRL FAILURE into an ARCHON.