Escarot

King Furry sat on the floor for a while, unsure what to do, until eventually, he got up, brushed himself off, and walked back to his throne, standing behind it, like it was a barricade.

"Alright," he said. "I believe you."

"Good, and… well, sorry about the mountain."

"No hard feelings." He looked at me, and I could see he was looking past the kid's face, past whatever he'd been seeing before. And in his eyes, I could see that he was now seeing what was actually standing in his office, and that scared him.

I couldn't blame him. I could’ve used a little bit of tact… But this little lapse of judgment of mine, helps my cause, perhaps not in the best way, but it helps me either way.

"I should've just shown you my ship," I sighed, looking at him. "Would've been simpler… But I wanted you to understand something. Not just that I am who I say I am, but what my people can provide. What we'd be bringing to an alliance."

"Destruction?"

Fair enough.

"Protection, I’ll admit the… demonstration was in bad taste, but it does provide a clear point."

King Furry's ears twitched. "Powers like that..." and in his eyes, I could see the fear of me being replaced by something else, something he feared even more. "Haven't been a thing since the tales of old. Since King Piccolo."

Oh, well that’s a surprise… I would’ve thought Piccolo to be little more than a tale for them, but it seems his shadow still hung over the humans, much more than I thought that’s for sure. Though I suppose it’s hard to forget about the ‘The Demon King’ who'd plunged the world into darkness, after all, he was the only threat in living memory that had come close to ending civilization on this planet.

"Powers like what I just showed you are common where I come from," I replied, looking at Bardock and Raditz, both of which could kill Piccolo with ease. "King Piccolo would be considered weak by our standards."

King Furry stared at me.

"I'm not saying that to boast… okay, maybe a little bit, but the main reason I'm telling you, is so you understand the scale, and in doing so… hopefully what we can bring to the table."

"What are your goals with Earth?" King Furry asked, without a hint of hesitation in his voice. He was scared, but he wasn't crumbling to it, he was facing his fear head on.

I wish they could’ve shown more of this version of him in the anime.

"A mutually beneficial alliance," I said, smiling at him. "Nothing more."

"Define beneficial."

"My world is..." I searched for the right word. "Crude, and that's quite generous, actually. We're a warrior culture that spent the last several generations as conquered soldiers for a tyrant who didn't care if we lived or died, and it wasn’t until recently that… we broke those chains, earning our freedom, that said… Our infrastructure is a mess. Our agriculture is barely functional, not to say nonexistent. Etc… What we have in abundance is fighting capability and technology," I leaned forward. "You ask what I want? I want food. Spices. Day to day commodities, the things your world has in such abundance that you probably don't even think about them because they are like water to you."

"And in exchange?"

"Technology and protection. Not just from threats like King Piccolo, but from the real threats… The ones out there." I pointed up at the sky. "The ones that make Piccolo look like a mild annoyance. The universe is full of them, I had to kill two of them to liberate my people and to ensure our survival, but there’s still many out there, and most of them don't know Earth exists yet… but one day they will, just as they found us."

I was laying a bit thick, I know, I mean… most warlords, conquerors, and traders considered Earth to be worthless for reasons I have yet to fully grasp, so… if I had to guess, I would say Earth’s destruction was far more likely to come from within than from beyond the stars.

That said, I wanted to ally myself with Earth. Perhaps it was reincarnator’s nostalgia, or the fact I was a bit attached to the world as a whole for it was here where most of the anime took place, or perhaps I saw this as the first step to make something out of my people from the ashes of our terrible reputation, in the end, it didn’t matter… I wanted to do this.

King Furry was quiet for a moment, as his tail swished behind him. "I won't deny what you showed me was impressive," he said. "More than impressive. But the tales of King Piccolo aren't just stories of power… they're stories of terror. Of helplessness. Of an enemy so far beyond anything we could counter that the only thing standing between us and annihilation was a single martial artist and a technique that cost him his life." He looked at me. "You're telling me your people eclipse that? I find that hard to believe."

I chuckled. "My planet has newborns that are stronger than King Piccolo."

King Furry's mouth opened, and for a moment I thought he was about to do the anime trope of falling on his head.

"I'm not exaggerating. A Saiyan infant's power level at birth can sometimes be in a range that would've made Piccolo sweat. And that's before we learn to fight, before we train, before we transform." I sighed, remembering my own Great Ape training. "But you don't have to take my word for it. Ask the strongest man on Earth if I'm lying."

"Who?"

"Master Roshi, right? If I’m not mistaken, he's one of the few people still alive who actually fought Piccolo, or at least saw him. He knows what the demon king’s power looked like, what it felt like. He also knows me, because he's currently training one of my people, the kid behind me in fact." I tilted my head. "Have you heard of him?"

King Furry looked like I'd just told him the tooth fairy was real. "Master Roshi," he repeated. "The Turtle Hermit. You know him?!"

I wasn’t sure if Roshi was famous, so name dropping him was a bet, and one that worked out it seems… rather well at that. "I do."

"Every king before me has tried to recruit him at some point. We've all sent people we could to find him. None of them have ever gotten past his front door."

"I can arrange a call between you and him if you want. Right now, if necessary. Or I can bring him here." I pulled out a small communicator from my cape. "One word and he'll pick up."

King Furry looked at the communicator, which would actually call Gine, not Roshi, but she would get him for me, so… I wasn’t lying exactly. "For now," he said slowly, "your word will suffice."

I put the communicator away.

King Furry walked around his throne and sat down, folding his hands in his lap, as I watched him in real time, shift from a scared/skeptical man into the head of state. "I have to tell you, and please forgive me if it insults you, but that which you're promising sounds too good to be true."

"I know."

"Technology. Protection. All in exchange for food and spices?"

"And trade goods, and cultural exchange. But essentially, yes."

"That's not a fair trade. For you." He leaned forward. "I've negotiated enough treaties to know when someone is offering more than they're getting. That's either generosity, or a trap, and Kings aren't known for their generosity, at least not outside their kingdom."

He had a point there.

"It is and it isn't," I said as I held up a finger. "As I said before, my people, the Saiyans, are born to fight. Not as a job or duty. It's what we are, it’s our drive, the thrill of facing a stronger opponent, of pushing past your limits, of standing in the middle of a battle that could go either way, for the most part… that's the heart of our culture, we are proud, competitive. Even the ones who don't fight compete in their respective fields with the same ferocity we bring to a fight."

Bardock grinned, while Raditz puffed his chest.

“There are very few things Saiyans enjoy outside of fighting," I continued. "Eating is one of them. A Saiyan who isn't fighting is probably eating… A Saiyan who isn't eating is probably asleep, and even then, dreaming about one or the other."

King Furry's ears perked up slightly. 

"The food isn't a throw-in," I said. "It's a real part of the deal. Your planet has culinary traditions that go back thousands of years. Spices, techniques, ingredients we've never seen. To you, it's just a trip to the supermarket. To us, it's something worth crossing galaxies for."

"But the technology—"

"Is something we have more of than we need."

King Furry nodded slowly. "And the protection?"

"That's self-interest too. A planet under our protection is a planet we have a stake in. A reason to be here. A reason to fight…" I paused, smiling at him. "And as I said before, we like a good fight… so, the bigger and meaner the better for us."

"That’s really it? That’s all you want?"

"Among other things. Eventually. Maybe." I shrugged. "This is a tentative draft. It might change with time. Who's to say Earth won't need something else in the future? Who's to say we won't? The point is that we start somewhere, and this is all I could think of… I’m new to this… well, entire ruling thing, but so I’m learning as I go."

King Furry looked at me for a long moment. "If I were to accept this treaty. What would it entail, exactly? Beyond open trade and protection."

"My people get documentation, you know? Legal standing on Earth," I counted on my fingers. "Money for their families if they decide to settle here. Enough to live on. And land. Places to build homes, raise families, put down roots."

"All of that is acceptable in principle," King Furry said. "The documentation is standard for any diplomatic arrangement. Land can be allocated; there's plenty of unused territory, especially in the northern continents, which is plagued with beasts." He paused. "But the money. How much were you thinking your people should be paid?"

"Whatever you imagine a nuclear deterrent salary to be worth."

King Furry’s eyes widened so much they looked like they were about to pop. "A nuclear deterrent?”

"Yeah."

"You're comparing your people to—"

"I'm comparing what we provide to what it's actually worth. You could spend your entire military budget trying to build a defense against the kind of threats that roam the universe, and you'd still be outgunned by a single Saiyan squad.”

King Furry opened his mouth. "That's... not how negotiations usually go."

"Perhaps not that much," I said after a moment, laughing.

King Furry raised an eyebrow, before letting a sigh of relief.

"I'm joking, partly at least," I chuckled. "But I do want them to have enough for them to live comfortable lives. Which, for us, means enough money to buy enough food to feed the equivalent of a small human army."

"That's not a small amount."

"No. It isn't." I leaned forward. "But believe me, you don’t want a bunch of hungry Saiyans running around."

"If I sign this treaty... what's to stop your people from deciding, one day, that they'd rather take what they're being given than wait for it to be offered?"

It was a fair question. But also a stupid one, if I wanted to conquer them, I would’ve done so already.

"Me," I replied simply. "And the simple fact that if I wanted to conquer Earth, we wouldn't be standing in your office having a polite conversation. Saiyans respect strength and I respect good faith. I believe that conquest brings nothing but resentment and endless rebellion down the line. A partnership brings a more reliable outcome, so for a lot of reasons I have no interest in ruling a conquered world when I can have a thriving ally."

King Furry looked into my eyes, searching for any sign of deceit, and after a long, tense silence, the tightness in his shoulders finally eased, and he let out a slow breath. "Blunt, but honest… Very well. I will have my legal team draft the formal treaty based on these terms. Welcome to Earth, King of the Saiyans."

I smiled back, extending a hand to shake his. "Glad we could reach an understanding. Now... Do you have any food around here? All this diplomatic talk is making me hungry."