Dr. Brief

“Bulma, sweetie, please put down the welder. Daddy needs that to fix the refrigerator.”

I exhaled a cloud of smoke, adjusting my spectacles as my three-year-old daughter giggled, her tiny blue tuft of hair bouncing as she dragged a heavy-duty industrial tool across the workshop floor trying to get me to chase after her, how utterly adorable. She was already too smart for her own good, and I couldn’t even begin to imagine how brilliant she would be in a few years. Just yesterday, she managed to re-wire the automated cat-feeder to launch kibble at supersonic speeds. Scratch the Second, still hadn't fully forgiven her.

A chime echoed through the massive, dome-shaped atrium that was my lab, followed by the soft hum of our reception droid rolling into the laboratory.

"Doctor Brief," the droid buzzed, holding out a silver tray. "A courier from the Central Capital has just delivered an urgent package from the Imperial Palace. It requires your personal signature."

"From the King? My word," I muttered, taking the heavy, gold-embossed envelope, seeing the royal stamp, a paw with a crown before I carefully pried it open, shifting Scratch slightly so he wouldn't fall off my shoulders.

I skipped past most of the dense political jargon, because it bore me, until I reached something about an upcoming 'Royal Science & Trade Summit' to celebrate a landmark diplomatic breakthrough; my eyes landing on the final paragraph.

...Furthermore, Doctor, the Crown will come into possession of highly sophisticated, anomalous machinery of extraterrestrial origin via our new sovereign allies. Given your unmatched expertise in engineering, the government requests your presence at the private gala to inspect, analyze, and assess the integration viability of this foreign technology.

My cigarette nearly dropped right out of my mouth.

"Extraterrestrial origin..." I whispered, wondering if I could acquire some of that for myself. "How marvelous!"

For years, I had hit a theoretical ceiling with my work, I think artists call it a creative block, but the idea of getting my hands on a completely unmapped, foreign schematic; something built entirely outside our reach… Well, it sent a physical jolt of pure, childlike excitement straight down my spine. I could feel my heart racing. What kind of fuel did they use? How did they compress data? Were their alloys lighter than our titanium blends? Did they have elements unknown to our own?

"Dear, what is all that racket?" my beautiful wife called out as she strolled into the lab, carrying a tray of freshly baked strawberry pastries with her usual airy, unbothered smile. 

"Pack your best dress, honey," I beamed as I scooped Bulma up before she could successfully dismantle our main power terminal. "We've just been invited to a royal ball."

Bikini paused, before setting the pastry tray down on a nearby workbench, as she looked at the gold-embossed royal invitation in my hand, then looked down at my grease-stained laboratory smock, and finally over to Bulma, who was currently covered in grease as well.

"A royal ball?" Bikini clapped her hands together, her face instantly lighting up with that bright, unshakeable enthusiasm that made me fall in love with her. "Oh, how absolutely delightful! But dear, look at us. We can't possibly meet extraterrestrial royalty looking like we just crawled out of an engine block. In that case, we need to go shopping immediately!"

I… I am pretty sure we went shopping two days ago. Or was that a day dream?

"Yay! Shopping!" Bulma cheered, dropping the welder with a loud, metallic clank that made Scratch jump straight off my shoulders into the ceiling in a fright. "I want a princess dress, Daddy! A big, poofy pink one with sparkles! Like a real princess!"

I couldn't help but chuckle, bopping her lightly on her tiny nose. "A princess dress, eh? Well, I suppose if your old man is going to work at the ball, you ought to look the part."

"We'll make a whole day of it," Bikini hummed, already taking the invitation from my hands and treating it more like a fashion catalog than a high-level state document. "The Central Capital boutiques have the most wonderful formal wear this season. And we can get you a new suit too, the last one you bought was for our wedding. Something without oil smudges on the cuffs for once."

What was wrong with my old suit? It still fits… I think. I mean, sure it has a few holes, and a lot of oil smudges, but I still liked it, it serves its purpose.

“I won’t take no for an answer dear,” My wife smiled.

I sighed good-naturedly, glancing back at my half-disassembled refrigerator and the neatly organized blueprints on my desk, I had plans to improve upon the design of my old fridge… and well… The prospect of fighting through crowded department stores and sitting outside fitting rooms wasn't exactly my idea of a good day. But looking down at Bulma, who was already spinning around in my arms, happy with the idea, and my wife’s piercing look that said I won’t accept it any other way, I knew I didn't stand a chance.

I didn’t know how to say no to them.

But I suppose that if a few hours of shopping torment was the price I had to pay to get my hands on some extraterrestrial technology, I would be the first to say that it was a bargain I would gladly strike.

"Alright, alright," I smiled, putting my cigar down in an ashtray. "Let's go find you that princess dress, sweetie."

At least Tight won't have to suffer through a whole day of shopping, she’s so lucky.

"Oh! And we absolutely must bring our dear Tights as well," Bikini added, her face lighting up even more as she gave an excited little gasp. "I'll give her school a call! She's been working so hard on her studies, a gala is exactly the break she needs, maybe she’ll meet a handsome prince, can you imagine that?" 

Is it bad that I feel a little happy that I won't be suffering through this alone?

Commander Red 

"Commander Red, sir!"

My tent flapped open, as Officer Black stepped inside, immediately casting a shadow over my desk, fucking tall bastard.

"What is it, Black?" I barked, leaning back in my chair, adjusting my posture so I didn't look completely dwarfed by his height! I hated looking up at him! I hated looking up at anyone… One day, when I ruled the globe, I’d make sure my throne sat a good twenty feet above everyone else! "I thought I told you I wasn't to be disturbed during the logistical review."

"My apologies, Commander, but our intelligence assets inside the Central Capital just intercepted a priority transmission from the Imperial Palace," Black said, lowering a tablet to my eye level. "King Furry is hosting an uncharacteristically exclusive event, which for him is rather weird. The guest list is strictly classified, but we confirmed that the military brass, high-ranking ministers, some Kings and Queens, and even Doctor Brief of Capsule Corporation have received personal invitations."

I narrowed my eyes, snatching the tablet from his hands. "A royal summit? That stupid dog usually broadcasts his little public relations galas to the entire planet. Why the sudden secrecy?"

This was unlike Furry… if there was one thing I knew for certain about that furry bastard was that he was unbearably naive and predictable. So, why the sudden change? What was so important for him that it made him… be more discreet?

"We have no idea, sir. The official press release claims it's a celebration of a domestic trade breakthrough, but our moles inside the palace staff report an unprecedented level of security. Entire wings of the castle have been locked down by the Royal Guard, yet we have zero clue as to why."

I tapped my fingers against the desk. A domestic trade breakthrough? No… that couldn’t be it. And it certainly didn't warrant inviting an eccentric hermit like Brief… who famously hated events like this… unless there was some sort of advanced technology involved.

Something major was happening right under the Dog’s nose, and the Red Ribbon Army was completely in the dark… I couldn't stand being left out. Knowledge was the currency of conquest! And if the global elite were gathering to share a secret piece of the pie, it meant that whatever this was, was good, and if it was good, I wanted it all! 

"Do they know the name of our shell corporation?" I asked, a dark smile creeping onto my face. “Haven Corp?”

"No, sir. As far as the government is concerned, Haven Corp is simply a high-profile defense contractor."

"Good," I chuckled, tossing the tablet back onto the desk. "Then call the palace diplomatic liaison. Tell them that Haven Corp expects an invitation. After all… We provide too much security infrastructure to be snubbed by a royal party… I don't care what the King is hiding… Whatever it is, it already belongs to us!"

If I wanted this to work, I had to send people that they didn’t recognize. After all, the Red Ribbon army was starting to gain some fame, and it was best to avoid a… problem right now.

Okara 

(Almost as soon as Escarot left)

"Higher! No, no, you absolute idiots, and don’t forget my abs need to be at least ten percent more chiseled and majestic! I want the insects in the next sector to look at us and immediately feel a profound sense of awe and personal insignificance!"

I threw my head back, letting out a glorious laugh that bounced off the half-constructed marble walls of the new plaza. Okara’s plaza! Ruling was spectacular! Why hadn’t Escarot told me it was this much fun? With Escarot away doing… stuff, the throne of the Saiyans was mine to command! and I was going to ensure my legacy was properly cemented in stone! 

"I… I’m not even surprised," a deeply tired, incredibly flat voice drifted up from behind my makeshift royal lounge chair.

I didn't even look back, simply waving a dismissive hand while sipping a bizarrely sweet alien beverage out of a goblet I’d ordered a servant to bring me ten minutes ago. "Not now, Nail. Can't you see I am in the middle of something? The Okara Supreme Monolith will be a beacon of cultural pride for generations of Saiyans to come!"

Nail stepped into my field of vision, his green face completely deadpan, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

"It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since Escarot left," Nail said, his voice dripping with an absolute lack of surprise. "You went completely mad with power."

"Don't be ridiculous, greenie," I scoffed, waving my goblet in the air, sloshing a bit of the purple juice over the side. "And if you must know, I am being incredibly generous! I'm actually planning to build a statue for Escarot, too!"

Nail raised an non-existent eyebrow, his eyes narrowing with deep, and perhaps well founded skepticism. "A statue for Escarot?"

"Yep! Right next to mine!" I grinned, leaning forward with a conspiratorial evil tone. "Only, I’m going to order the builders to make his statue just a slight bit smaller than mine."

“This seems tame for you,” Nail replied after a moment.

I chuckled darkly, rubbing my hands together as the brilliant psychological warfare of it all washed over me. "Don’t you get it? He won't be able to look at it and definitively tell there's something wrong with it... Yet a tiny, subconscious part of his soul will know. It will eat away at him, Nail! It will bother him until the end of his days, and he won't even know why!"

Nail stared at me for a long moment, before he slowly rubbed the bridge of his nose, exhaling a breath. "The Gods are cruel if they think children ruling the planet is the best choice."

“You can tell that to Lord Beerus if you like,” I grinned, looking at him. “He’s sleeping at the palace.”

Nail paled, but remained composed. “I take back my statement.”

I snickered.

“But… don’t you think the Lord of Destruction will find the fact you made a statue of yourself and Escarot and not of him, insulting?”

I froze, my cup stopping halfway to my lips, as the manic grin slid right off my face as Nail’s words hung in the air, suddenly heavier than the fifty-foot block of marble behind me… I was so focused on trying to prank Escarot for when he came back that I completely forgot about his temper and ego!

I slowly turned my head toward the giant stone monument. The carvers were currently working on my chiseled muscles, and I thought that Nail was right… if that damned overpowered bastard woke up and saw a statue of me, and not him, we would be in trouble! He would see it as an insult to him, and if I got the planet destroyed while he was away... I would never lived it down.

"I..." My voice cracked slightly, a cold sweat breaking out under my battle armor. "I… I mean… Of course I considered that. I was simply... testing your observational skills!"

Nail didn't say a word, he just crossed his arms once more, his face adorned with a smirk that twitched with an insufferable amount of smug satisfaction.

"Hey!" I barked at the builders. "Change of plans! Halt production on the Okara Supreme Monolith! We are immediately shifting all resources to a sixty-foot, gold-plated statue of Lord Beerus! With a giant purple cushion at the top! Move, move, move!"