Hard Choices

Hard Choices 17 - Mascots + Outtakes (Patreon)

Published:

2022-09-30 18:58:05

Imported:

2026-06

Tags:

Outtakes

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Content

It is I, the Hamburglar!

Where is MeganBob? Safe and content, I assure you. True, after they plumbed the depths of their desire for commercial mascots in this episode, I whisked them away to my personal playplace in a secluded corner of McDonaldland. But, for once, I have not played the villain -- even I cannot robble what is freely given.

Still, they are indisposed, so there will be no episode description today, but rather a cautionary tale. In this episode, Meganbob, Hub, Kit Mulkerin, and James D'Amato dared to seek their boners in my world, the world of capitalism's most beloved and seductive avatars -- like me, the Hamburglar! In the chaos that ensued, Chester Cheetah pushed Kit's love for Flamin' Hot Cheetos to the limit; James fell to the allure of a bathhouse where Tony the Tiger rubs shoulders with Mr. Clean; and all were left to wonder what darkness hides behind the hungry eyes of Poppin' Fresh.

I return now to my lavish hideaway, where my lover's buns await my covetous touch. Whether you listen to this episode is your own affair. You know the risks, if ever one of these rakish brand representatives has persuaded you to give in to a base desire for Froot Loops, or the fantasy of effortless toilet cleaning. Know that other urges, too, may strike like thieves in the night... and I assure you, there is nothing so easily stolen as a heart.