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Cannon Princess Chapter 6 (Patreon)

Published:
2016-11-15 02:49:24
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Sorry.  Setbacks this weekend and temp work killed progress.  Here's the next chapter.

I hope the story is still good.  I really haven't gotten any feedback on it at all.

Files

Previews only

Cannon Princess 6.docx

Cannon Princess 6 The first official female casualty occurred the day that Brom finally arrived. The steam carriage puffed up to the main gate of the camp, pistons hissing, as the steam tractor delivered him and five other crippled men to the camp. They'd been chewed up repeatedly by the war, ...

Comments

Anonymous

Keep up the good work :>

Tetrakern

Chapter 6 and a cliffhanger – a good one, too. So that’s Bonnepart, a friggin’ tank. Sort of. Why do I get the feeling that those girls will ride with advanced war-tech into an uneven battle? When autofire rifles were first introduced, they changed the battlefield forever. Not there yet, but when I read "that’s what cavalry is for" and see the ignorance of adapting new technologies... heh, I really want to read how that will turn out. Well, historically I already know, but with magic who knows? That chapter covered a lot. Maybe it would have been better to make two chapters and explore some plotpoints deeper, such as the mercenary trainers or their routines. Then again, there are no lengthy parts. Keeps the reader’s attention and interest. I can see what you mean with "the story doesn't start till chapter 7", even though I would disagree. Jumping right in without setting up the status quo, characters, relationships, etc wouldn’t make the story any better. Good things need time. Again, I can’t believe I’m telling you this (1.7 million words), but you are rushing. It works better than in the beginning, though. The story is not missing any vital parts either, just seems to be in a hurry to get to the action. Okay, chapter 7 is not exactly fast. Eh... I don’t know. I don’t want to tell you that the chapters should be longer, but that’s basically it. Some chapters are really dense in terms of plot squeezed into them. This one featured the accidental dead of one girl, the arrival of the crippled trainers, the arrival of the mercenaries, training, a lot of character building, politics, acquisition of cannons and an enemy attack at the end. [ “It seems that the Empire has provided an excellent opportunity to test my students,” Reensvelt chuckled deeply. “Do not disappoint.” ] Feels like one day training to me. Good comment, though. Ah, I’m always complaining. I really liked this chapter and the whole story, despite the nagging. I just think that pointing out flaws, no matter how small, will help you improve more than repetitive praise. But I want to praise you for your good work, I’m just bad at it. Waiting for chapter 7. Hope you are feeling better.