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Cannon Princess Chapter 7 (Patreon)

Published:
2016-11-30 09:38:55
Imported:
2026-06

Content

As you're probably aware, I fell on my face with this story.  I got sick, then the election, then I got sick again.  I'm sorry that I wasn't able to finish in the time.  I was also discouraged by a lack of feedback.  These are all excuses though.  The fact is that it was up to me to get done, and I didn't.

I'm not really done with the story though.  I plan on putting out a chapter of homelands, and then continuing this.  This is the point in the story where the story actually gets started regarding the 13th irregular.  I hope the story is good.  I think in revisions, I'll need to change some things around.  Swap out chapter 1.  Do some other things.

Anything questions, concerns, or criticisms?  


https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vWEOOrQ0j7uGMiL0cKgTrhkYb0QNWRROEtprKj6daPg/edit?usp=sharing

Comments

Tetrakern

Chapter 7! Glad you got it done in November. It kept the promise of the cliffhanger and delivered a nice twist. Somewhat. The entire inclusion of magic automatically leads to the assumption that it will be relevant to the main protagonists. It was well faded in, though. Not that "sudden outburst of inconceivable power overruling everything that came before", leaving everyone in awe. As in most animes, which is of course a theme here. This could have quite easily turned Elissie into a Marie Sue. Good thing it didn’t. Time to nag a bit. If I had to describe this chapter in one word, it would be "confusing". Not so much in terms of the story, no, that is straightforward. Thrilling, even. There just seem to miss some details or clarifications here and there. What hit Elissie in the shoulder? Wasn’t picked up anymore. How did she not realize half her face burned? Or did I miss that? She just casually ripped her eye out? I read this three times and still didn’t know what happened. Also, the whole magic fight was hard to understand. Well, maybe because Elissie didn’t either, but I think it was confusing as hell. Adrenalin is powerful, but I missed some of its side effects. Her train of thoughts was excellent up to that point, kill or be killed. But then she went full on Schwarzenegger-mode, in her first ever real mission. Hey, it was awesome, but she handled it a bit too well. Same with her shown leadership qualities. Not that I would have it any other well, I think it perfectly fits her character and background. It just comes out of nowhere because previous chapters did little to let her develop those skills. She was just too confident. There are quite some cosmetic errors as well. Sentences cut off, missing punctuation, and Reensvelt had a constant intimidate relationship with the following words ("Reensveltsquinted", "Reensveltobserved", "Reensvelthelped", etc). Did you replace the name and forgot to add a space? It happened nine times out of ten his name was used. Good chapter.