Hontou ni Arigatou (!) and What I Mean by Tumultuous (Patreon)

Some Back Story:

Today (or nearabouts) is #ThankYouPatrons day, and I want to tell you how much you all mean to me. But I don't think I can fully convey the depth of my gratitude unless I give you a little background about why this show started in the first place and where I am at the moment.

If you've listened to the latest show, I mentioned that life is tumultuous right now. It has been for quite some time, actually. Going into detail would take ages, so I won't do that. But I want to share with you a synopsis of what I mean. If you have any questions or want to comment on any of the things I mention, I'm absolutely cool with that, too.  

Deep breath. 

Before my son (only child) graduated his (hell) high school and went on to university, I kinda suspected I'd have Empty Nest Syndrome on top of just finally getting more time to pursue my goals and dreams, so I applied for the Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley Scholarship (from the Horror Writers Association) and to Clarion West. Good news: I got both. 

Clarion was a life changer in every sense of the word. But that story is a novel, so just know that I came out realizing my life and my marriage were highly dysfunctional/abusive and it had been so normalized, I didn't realize how bad it was or how beaten down I'd become. I was incredibly broken and because I was so cut off from family and friends, I didn't even know it.

My husband always drank. And over the years, more and more. Things got bad. Things got very, very bad. Then things got worse.  

Again, such a long story shortened, I was able to get out of the house, find a full time job, find a one-room apartment, find safety, and rediscover the freedom and independence I hadn't had in such a long time. Note: I didn't get the house or any financial support from him, but I was happy, deep down, laugh out loud happy again. 

It was also at the start of all that, that I began the Uncanny Japan podcast. The leaving that situation took a long time and the podcast kept me afloat. 

Remember that first episode, Musha Burui? Shaking like a Samurai or Trembling Before a Formidable Task? You guys are the only ones who know it now, but that wasn't only about starting the podcast. I mean I was scared about that of course. I hadn't spoken much English in over a decade and my verbal storytelling skills were shot. I did the podcast because it was so incredibly difficult and I needed to test my mettle (so to speak) so I could break out of the situation I was in. The thing I didn't mention in that first episode was that leaving my marriage and getting to a place where I can support myself was also another reason I was feeling very musha burui. 

I took a shot at Patreon, too. And that's where you all wonderful people come in. 

Now. That's almost a happy ending. I got ME back. Independence, a fulfilling job, time to do creative work (although still not enough time to write my novel yet). 

But then after about a year into teaching at this (seemingly) idyllic little Totoro-esque English school, I noticed something disturbing. (Some background: the school was owned and run by an Australian woman. Rich (yes, Tech and Sound Dude) and I were hired to teach something like 150 students (literally six month-old babes up to 80-year old men), because she decided to take her children and move back to her home country. She left her Japanese husband. 

This is hard to talk about and possibly triggering for some (it definitely was/is for me), so I'm just going to say red flag after red flag and panic attacks and little sleep and the Wife Boss not listening to our concerns and the Man Boss escalating (and hiding) his inappropriate behavior and now suddenly I need to protect not only the kids in the school, but also the dozens upon dozens of neighborhood kids who are lured to the place because a 50-something-year old man plays with them on the trampoline and has them up in his room to feed them popcorn and sticky rice balls. No boys allowed. 

So the last two and half years has been not only teaching, but learning laws in Japan (they're shite about this), trying to get Wife Boss and Man Boss to set boundaries, talking to professionals, and basically being so stressed out we can hardly sleep. 

But despite all that, the thing I always had to look forward to was the podcast and knowing that you all believed in me and supported me. I'm not joking when I say that this would have fallen to the wayside had it not been for you. 

Now for the next step. Literally this week, Rich and I are handing in our resignation letters. We were given permission from Wife Boss to educate parents about child grooming. This concept along with normalizing behavior has not made its way to Japanese shores, so we've been in contact with some experts and getting information translated into Japanese in order to help parents and educators know how to keep children safe. Before we go anywhere we need to make sure the kids will be okay and they as well as their teachers and parents will know what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior. 

Just last week after a very long (and, yes, tumultuous) search Rich and I found a place, a creepy old Japanese-style house complete with bloody-looking print on the rain shutter (see above photo) that is just perfect for us to start our own school in. It's a little unnerving that the owners are okay with us teaching there (most places have been hesitant about that). My son said it sounds like a "jiken ari bukken" - a house where "something bad" has happened. To which Richard and I said, "Cool!" And Richard's sister said, "Every horror writer needs to live in a haunted house." I'm just glad they said "welcome" and the area seems quiet and I'll even have a little cubby area in one room to put up a table and microphone (that you guys got me), so I can record without worries of crying babies and dirt farmers. 

So this is yet another musha burui moment. Rich and I will be starting from zero, building our own school, curriculum, finding students, don't even mention money... Terrifying, but at the same time exciting. The goal is to get to a place where I have the mental and emotional space, as well as actual time to write more (that novel!), do more research, travel and dig up more awesome stories. Oh, and the dream to be able to put out an episode weekly. And absolutely none of this could have happened without you all. I mean that. And I look forward to your communications and knowing you're there because I suspect it's not going to be easy for awhile yet. But you oh so make it worth it. Thank you!

Update: This month's Bedtime Story is getting music put to it at the moment. Envelopes and postcards are just about finished and should be sent out later this week, and I'm hoping to get another podcast up before the month is over. 

Everyone take great care because I love you! XO,

terrie